Comments on: When You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love Christ

By: Stacie

Stacie — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 23:54:48 +0000

I found this article very helpful as I have friends whom I care for deeply who I believe are good people but are not Christians. I was struggling with what I should be doing, I am not good at ministering to others and really liked your viewpoint on being humble as this has been a struggle for me and has been very emotional because I felt as though I was failing God by allowing myself to continue the friendship while not ministering to these friends, but they do know that I am a Christian and we have an understanding that I am not ashamed of my faith, but i have never believed in being pushy because that tends to push people away from religion rather then draw then to it. Thank you for your article.

By: John Shore

John Shore — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 06:53:40 +0000

Well, it sounds like you've already done what it seems to me you should, which is drop him.

By: Deandra

Deandra — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:33:44 +0000

How great to find this article at this time! I broke off my relationship last week because my partner is not a Christian and as such I found myself engaging in sexual activities much to my guilt and frustration. He also could not understand or appreciate why I did not want to get involved in certain other activities. He complained that I had too many rules. I care for him very much and would like for us to be together but I could not sacrifice my relationship with God. I would also like him to find that love, peace and happiness that only God can give but I have tried all that you mentioned in your article to no avail. I have invited him to church, he said yes but found some excuse on the day. He still prays and acknowledges God but something or someone has turned his mind from church. What can I do?

By: John Shore

John Shore — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:06:01 +0000

Here's a piece of advice I wrote on this exact topic: http://johnshore.com/2008/09/09/christian-marryin...

By: KristieA

KristieA — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:10:14 +0000

Hi,

Like others I am with a non-believer boyfriend of over one year. I know I love him, but I'm afraid the religious aspect will be a problem if I were to marry him. He tells me it's discrimination to not be with someone of a different religion/if any. He says as long as someone's morals are good then I shouldn't judge someone. Anyone have advice for this?!! I don't want to end it because I am crazy about him, but I'm scared it will cause a problem in the future. Thanks

By: John Shore

John Shore — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:14:30 +0000

Shawn: I’m sorry; I don’t mean to be rude or anything. But I keep getting stuck on “He won’t really talk to me about it …”. If he won’t even TALK to you about something so absolutely fundamental to your relationship—something profoundly germane to it, which you’re clearly open to lovingly discussing—then … then I just can’t understand what possible hope there could be for that relationship anyway. Either he doesn’t really like you and he’s just using not talking to you about THE issue in your relationships as a means of keeping you at a distance, or he’s just a dick. Either way … how can this work for you?

By: shawnierae

shawnierae — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:06:04 +0000

I came across this post last night after the relationship i was in ended, ultimately because he is a believer and I’m not. I was trying to find information to “build my case” and show him that we could be together. I love this man with all of my heart, and believe me, there is no one on this earth who wishes they could find God, right now, more than me. I’m not posting to get advice on how to find God or anything like that…I’m really just hoping for some answers that will help me understand. He won’t really talk to me about it so I don’t know what it is that’s concerning him. Obviously the fact that I don’t believe…and I can’t even REALLY say that…I don’t think there’s a God, but I don’t know for sure…sometimes I wonder.

OK..back on track…I am accepting of his beliefs and wouldn’t ever try change them. I could list all my great qualities and traits but for the sake of simplicity, just assume I am a good person and I do my best to live a good life. Other than my not believing, there is no other reason for him not wanting to be with me. If we are happy together, why does it matter so much what I believe or don’t believe? Thanks for your time and help.

By: shawnierae

shawnierae — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:31:14 +0000

Well….that wasn't exactly what I was expecting! I really want to believe he's not just a dick, but unfortunately you might be right. I didn't think you were being rude…just honest and I appreciate that.

I am still curious as to what the reasons are. I keep seeing references to "unequally yoked". Why is this such an issue?

By: John Shore

John Shore — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:56:26 +0000

Well, it sounds to me like you've got the right idea: take it slowly; don't preach; don't condemn. All such stuff (as you know) will only drive you further apart (and her further from Xtianity). To be honest, with this post here, you've already read the best of what I have to say on this matter. Be humble, be patient, be loving.

And you're right, of course: You are lying in the bed you made.

It's not just the movie thing; after that, it would be another "thing." You've got to decide if you're all right with her being a Xtian or not. REALLY, and finally, decide. Don't do the Life Waffle nonsense. You're either in or out. You're either okay with her being a non-Christian, or you're not. If you're not okay with it, you and she have a lot of pain coming. If you are okay with her continuing to be the woman you married, then back off of her, and let her be that woman.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:41:22 +0000

Three years. And yes I do know it was my fault to begin with for marrying a non-believer. I was married for 20 years previously to a Christian woman (that is another story for another time..haha) As I have found out there are a lot of problems in a "believer – nonbeliever" marriage. Some of the comments of the folks on this blog have helped me. We have worked a lot of the problems out, except for the movie thing. I used to do a lot of preaching at her and wanting her to go to church. I have learned that is not the way to go.