Because of a book about punctuation called “Comma Sense” that I co-authored with extremely famous Grammarian Guy Richard Lederer (author of the unbelievably hilarious Anguished English series), I sometimes get e-mails from people pondering punctuational problems. A few days ago I received one such note from a young man in high school, who wrote to ask why in the world anyone should really have to learn punctuation.
“It seems like such a waste,” he said. “Who really cares where commas or periods go? As long as the meaning comes across, that’s all that matters.”
Let me answer that young man (and you know who you are, Kyle!) here, since I know he reads this blog. Young man (I love saying that, for some obnoxious reason or the other), the problem is that meaning is inextricably bound to punctuation. You goof up the punctuation of a sentence, and you’ve goofed up the meaning of that sentence. Doubt it? Oh, yeah? Really?
Well, fear me–if you dare!
Below is an example (taken from “Comma Sense”) of the same letter, punctuated in two different ways. After reading them both, I think you’ll agree that proper punctuation can spell the difference between … well, in this case, a second date and a restraining order.
Here’s the first letter:
My Dear Pat,
The dinner we shared the other night — it was absolutely lovely! Not in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine anyone as perfect as you are. Could you — if only for a moment – think of our being together forever? What a cruel joke to have you come into my life only to leave again; it would be heaven denied. The possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy with joy. I face the time we are apart with great sadness.
John
P.S.: I would like to tell you that I love you. I can’t stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.
And now here’s the same letter, punctuated differently:
My Dear,
Pat the dinner we shared the other night. It was absolutely lovely — not! In my wildest dreams, could I ever imagine anyone? As perfect as you are, could you — if only for a moment — think? Of our being together forever: what a cruel joke! To have you come into my life only to leave again: it would be heaven! Denied the possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy. With joy I face the time we are apart.
With great “sadness,”
John
P.S.: I would like to tell you that I love you. I can’t. Stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.
And I think that settles that.
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Posted by nisperos on June 30, 2007 at 10:54 am
John, John!
OMG, it’s like “Yesterday” again!
Hat tip to Huey Lewis…
We must be getting old — NOT
When we catch ourselves razzing
The “young” men and “young” women…
“You crack me up, you really really do
With your sunglasses on, acting so young
Only I know what you’re really up to
You crack me up…”
And, from Bruce Hornsby…
Camp in line, marking time –
Waiting for an iPhone of mine,
’cause I don’t have a job.
The man in the business suit hurries by,
As he catches the college student’s eyes,
Just for fun, he asks, “got no job”?
They say, “Hey punk kid, you’ve slipped low”, But who’ll reap what they sow,
’cause they can’t do what you do?
Said, “Hey old man how can you stand
To talk that way,
’cause you’ll have to pay
To get what I have…
I wish…
BTW, not to name drop my town again or anything, but Bruce Hornsby is going to headline New West Fest, our end of summer street party, here in Fort Collins on August 18th, followed by Los Lobos on August 19th!
http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070628/UPDATES01/70628025
Posted by John Shore on July 3, 2007 at 11:52 am
Oh. So, we won’t be moving there, then.
HA! Insulting famous musician jokes! ALWAYS FUNNY!
Fort Collins is still TOTALLY at the top of our list. It had been, perhaps, eclipsed by Austin–until we found out Austin is, like, the most allergen-ladened city in America. Not good for us.
So far, Fort Collins is the place to beat. Portland also good. And I think we have a couple of other Definite Contenders. All the information we collected here has been amazingly valuable…
Posted by Andy on July 12, 2007 at 7:53 am
John! I absolutely loved that post. And thanks for the comment on my blog. You will love my friend’s new blog called the Grammar Vandal (http://www.thegrammarvandal.com.) I’ve been posting about some of her best posts and some terrible grammatical errors I have encountered, like restroom signs that say ‘Mens’ and ‘Women’.
Posted by Teacup on September 9, 2007 at 3:41 am
That P.S. One of the best I’ve ever heard.
The difference between a second date and a restraining order. Simply classic!
Thanks for a good morning laugh.
Posted by Presidential Trivia! « Suddenly Christian on February 22, 2008 at 7:36 am
[...] Comma Sense, the Amazon page of which is here. [I also once wrote a bit about Comma Sense in When Punctuation Goes Really, Really Wrong. ] If anyone cares to know how I, a total nobody, came to co-author a book with the Total Somebody [...]
Posted by arlywn on May 19, 2008 at 11:08 am
ouch… that second one was not a good one at all.
Posted by alabama christian school vandal on June 1, 2008 at 8:24 pm
[...] in high school, who wrote to ask why in the world anyone should really have to learn punctuation.http://johnshoreland.com/2007/06/30/when-punctuation-goes-really-really-wrong/al.com: Special ReportIn its place came Conecuh Springs christian School, a Baptist Church ministry. [...]
Posted by Helly on February 27, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Now there’s a book I need to get! It will go right on my shelf next to Thomas Parrish’s “The Grouchy Grammarian”
As for the “love note”: sounds like an extended take on the “woman without her man is nothing” joke
Posted by Christine on February 28, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Actually…..can’t…..breathe……laughing too hard!!!!!!!!!!