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![John Shore on The Huffington Post](http://johnshore.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/huffpost.jpg?w=120 "John Shore on The Huffington Post\")
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What do we have to say about this statement, that marriage is an act? Nobody has the manual, the best idea is to refer it to the originator God whos words cover everything.
Moses A.N
Talking about sex, i am a young guy of 28yrs old because of word of God in me i have kept away from sex (a Virgin) but some one advice me not to go for a girl that has sex before, because i may not be able to satisfy her sexiually, so i should go for a virgin.
Can i still find a lady who is a virgin? even in missed of our christian sister is very difficult. Even there in school no way. do we have any at all.
please i want your advice……….
this are the things i consider in a women
*she must be beautiful
*must be a Christian
*Must be tollerant
*nothing less than 5.6ft
Um. And then there’s that.
i spent most of my adult life trying to prepare myself for my man, i prep myself to be compassionate, caring for others, joyful, sociable, spiritual, intelligent, etc… and i dont do bogus but decent in those things… my friends enjoy my friendship and companionship. And i thought i was ready.
when i married my husband who first loved me because i love people and have a compassionate heart, now in our marriage, all he really want from me is good sex. and because he felt unsatisfied with his sex life, he is irritated and annoyed most of the time, and its just a vicious cycle over and over again.
i just want to say that, i thought these qualities were all that matter… but actually, it is not. the best quality is to just say yes to whatever the husband wants, never mind the values behind it, and learn to give good blowjobs.
i’m sorry i sounded blunt… but that is how it is for me.
those men who adores these qualities, i envy your wives, and i just want you to know – keep it up, you’re a gem. to the wives, pls know you are very fortunate.
I’m afraid that in this list John has taken sex for granted. He probably had no need to do otherwise. It is impossible to tell from your comment whether you got the kind of husband who doesn’t know how to seduce a woman and make her want him or if you are truly mismatched sexually. Still, I have a happily married goddaughter who once briefly discussed this situation with me. I suggested she needed to wait for a man with whom she shared the most important values and also she must like the feel of his touch. I think she got lucky and since she is as beautiful as a movie star and good hearted, so did he.
I’m going to pass along the best wisdom I have about marriage to “needhelp”.
If you and your spouse have a healthy sex life, sex ranks as #11 on a top 10 things that make a good partner, if you have a bad sex life, sex ranks as #1.
I know that this doesn’t help, but it is about the best advice you can take to get perspective in your marriage.
When the sex life is strained, so is every other aspect of the relationship.
When the sex life is good, it seems like sex is an afterthought.
I think that sometimes the commitment to save ourselves fro the right person is misguided. If I had not committed the sin of living with my high school sweetheart for a year, and had premarital sex, I may very well have married someone who had very different needs and drives as me, and I may very well be hurt, ambivalent, trapped, miserable, or divorced.
Instead I am happily married with my fifth child on the way to a woman who is on the same plane as me spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. All the pieces to the puzzle fit because I had a chance to count them before I bought it.
It is hard to help you without really knowing your situation. How far apart are you sexually? Obviously personal limits are an issue (as your comment about “blowjobs” attests); but is there room for discussion or concessions? How patient have both of you been with the others needs and desires? How healthy is the rest of the relationship? Is there reason to believe that you both want to resolve the issues?
The problem with sex is that frustration is expressed in other areas, and those in turn impact the drive we have to have sex….and the cycle keeps going until there is a breaking point. My high school sweetheart and I loved each other deeply. We were on different planes, at different times, and our foundation had been built on immature habits. We both cried for hours when we finally realized that it was beyond fixing.
This is not to say that my wife and I have had a bump free ride. We have fought, we have gone to bed angry, we have (at least I have) thought about whether this was worth all the grief. But in the end we love each other, and have a commitment to make this work. Our relationship is between two people on the same plane and built on mature habits that ensure that disputes will happen but they will get solved in a way that works for both of us.
I wish you all the best, and if there is anything that I can do to help….let me know.
You do know you can leave and let him do his own blow jobs. That’s why I like women, they have so much a better agenda. Like fairness and equality, comepassion, kindness and perspective and honesty about their expectations.
what about sex?
Replace “wife” with partner/mate/husband, etc. and I believe this is a fine list.
Be blessed!
I fall short to all of these, but I do aspire to them all as well. I have the best husband in the world (sorry John, Cat and I would probably disagree on this minor point) and he knows I feel that way. We don’t always go together like milk and cookies, but most of the time. He thinks I am the bomb too :O) How cool is that? We aren’t perfect, but perfect for one another.
The misnomer is that you don’t “find” someone like that, you become that to one another through a lot of work. So those of you who think you deserve that, get over yourselves. You need to desire it and be willing to sacrifice yourself to get it, only then will you deserve it.
I can’t believe there is any woman like this. We better clone her and kill all the rest of us women so men can finally be happy. NOT. This list is not going to win you any fans. But your wife will be pleased – she’s your biggest fan anyway.
No one who knows much of my work at all would ever think that I choose to write what I do because I believe it will bring me fans.
I totally fail in #s3, 6, 7, and 10. But my hubby seems happy woth the other 6. Poetry counts as art, yes?
man i admire you not jelouse but admire lol god bless your words man sometimes you dont realise who you help when you do this kind of things, but im blessed and my prayers right now to your marriage, god’s blessing and grace is shown in a happy, long lasting marriage kind of like us and jesus lol god bless
I absolutely agree with you on both those, Shy. I hate both those.
two qualifiers that make me grind my teeth:
1. you're beautiful "to me" = everyone else in the world might think you're a homely hag but pay no attention to that decidedly depressing scenario.
2. i'm sorry "if" i hurt you = i'm not going to commit to fully acknowledging the fact of my trangression(s); your negative reaction to the matter come from your own personal crazy-place and are not indicative of accepted norms of behavior, therefore it's only to YOU that what i did/said was offensive/hurtful.
"That’s what I did, anyway.
Lucky, lucky me."
Once an atheist and I were painting an associate pastor's house. As we were up on ladders painting one side of the home, we could hear the pastor and his wife arguing through an open window. They were screaming and cussing at each other.
"Instead of preaching to me," said the atheist, "you'd be better off trying to convert these two pagans!"
I bit my tongue and kept quiet.
So, the moral is: When you make glowing statements like this, live it twenty-four hours a day or keep your windows closed.
I like it! Can I quote?
mr. Shore you are an unusual gem. do you have any younger brothers, good friends, protoge,etc.? I live in a city where the women outnumber the men by 3 to 1. what few single men are here hang out in bars and trade girl friends like sports teams after they stop being a "winner". I need some fresh air–if you know what i mean.
Thanks for taking the time to write that to me, Patty. I really appreciate it.
your characterization brought tears to my eyes… Thanks! that's EXACTLY what we think about the guys we should marry too.
Wow… you’ve practically described one of my novel characters! Of course, I did make her out to practically be the perfect woman for her husband. Unfortunately, with perfection comes sacrifice.
I personally think the singular descriptions of ups n downs r incomplete while they r true!!!! now, if i were writing such a blog, u’d have an essay or proabably a thesis…..but then its John’s relationship n not mine. but in relation to his, i think he is extremely sweet n his wife is indeed a lucky woman to have such a laid-back husband who does not search for marriage-wrecking faults. Am lucky enough to find myself such a husband. But I just wanted to share my appreciation on quality 8. That is the most beautiful one….!!!!!!
I like this. I know I'm not all those qualities but hopefully my husband thinks I'm close.
What QUALITY women, lonetruth? Poor 3rd-worlders willing to tolerate a life of what amounts to prostitution in order to get to the U.S.?
Check out what the Bible has to say about being a godly husband (i.e., self-sacrificing love and servant-leadership), and maybe some of the women here whom you so disdain will start giving you a second look.
Call me jaded, but I gotta agree with "fred" on this one. If you fine one woman that's not obese, or isn't a shallow slut (those qualities are mutually exclusive), then you're one step ahead.
Even MODERATELY atractive American/Western women are difficult to deal with and notoriously shallow and unreliable. Good luck meeting someone with even half of the above qualities, let alone getting her to marry you.
It's slim pickin's out there, unless you're willing to go offshore to find QUALITY women.
all I can say is aww. ( actually I can say a lot more than that, and I plan too, lol. )
you have the type of relationship I imagined that I would have with my guy. Unfortunitly, I might not ever know if I will have that. Currently we arent together because he has this odd thing where he 'has to do things alone.' I dont know why. But Im hoping he figures everything out soon cause I miss him. Even if we have our differences.
I think I'm going to go snoop out the rest of your blogs and read them too. And thanks for the list, maybe you should get her to make a list for us girls.
Goodness gracious! I had no idea so many ppl could get so offended by a blog! We are all entitled to our opinions, however, I just wanted to add an encouraging note:
Don't give up on love. Seeing isn't believing.
Fred- there are nice ladies, but you have to be nice to attract them.
Bees like honey…
Sharon- Hating men will only hurt you and hold you back from finding true love. You have to just let it go. (Some men are poop tho, I agree; but don't hold that against all of them.)
Well, see, it's not UP to you to say how many or to what extent you embody those qualities. Only your husband can make that assesment, right? Ask HIM which of those he'd say about you. He'll say all of them. Then you guys'll smooch. Then … well. I mean, this is a family blog, so let's just stop.
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