I'd be careful to condone this mentality too much. Someone mentioned that we women tend to spoil our guys in the hopes of reciprocal action, which never manifests. You are all for women believing in this – essentially false – belief. Promote self-deception for your own gain, eh? Not very pretty.

So, some men are spoiled. So what? We're all human, and we all have needs. It makes you a better human to get outside of your own selfish wants and give to someone else, make them happy for a moment or two. I actually think it's up to the more enlightened men to set an example for the ones who revel in their entitlement a bit too much. That's a huge step towards improving the relationships that are clearly out-of-balance.

has you ever come across a 1983 book, 'what do women want?' – some parts are definitely out of date now, but it points out something akin to what you're saying (I think!)…

They claim (the writers) that men generally grow up having their needs met (they assume a functioning family with present mothers, nb.date of writing)… they don't have to ASK for help or food or sympathy – they get it automatically, so expect it (cf your idea of 'entitlement').

The writers claim that women grow up being taught that to be loved and get their needs met, they need to be nice and meet everyone else's needs. This mostly 'backfires' as men are happy to receive all that good stuff and it perpetuates the idea that it's 'right' that their needs are met constantly. If a woman asks for her needs to be met she is being 'needy' 'demanding' 'nagging'… Men generally don't even have to ask.

Your comment-er above (Annette) was actually spot-on with the feelings of many women – they give often what they would like to receive – so watch out men for women who are thoughtful, put your needs first, get you little gifts, are gentle and loving… chances are that's exactly what they'd like from their partners. The way women give is often a kind of 'sign' as to what they'd like to receive.

No, not really. I’m waiting for the next article too, ’cause I’m curious to see John’s thoughts on the matter. But in the meantime I’ve read a lot of “Boundaries in Marriage” by Cloud & Townsend (who we already know are pretty much my favorite authors). There IS a balance, and you CAN be supportive and respectful of your husband without running yourself into the ground. It has changed my marriage…when I serve my husband, I can do it with a happy heart, which no matter what anyone says, husbands can detect and it IS important. And sometimes I tell him ‘no,’ very lovingly and respectfully. And sometimes he’s OK with it, and sometimes he’s not…but like I said it means that when I say “yes” I can mean it and say it gladly.

This is on good days, when I do it ‘right’…of course there are the other days when I screw it all up…but that’s par for the course, too.

I hear what Angela's saying…but I think couples can be equal-types and still have a husband with spoiled tendencies. But as I said before I wouldn't know about such things. You poor, poor people with your imperfect lives and relational issues…

No but seriously…it's not that my husband minds splitting the duties. In theory. Actually, he does a pretty fantastic job in practice, too…it's just that his default is the 'king of the house' persona, so sometimes he needs a gentle reminder. Or a kick in the pants; either way.

Here is a woman who knows women. What a hearbreaking statement.

My fiance spoiled me with love for two years. The day after we were married he came out carrying his huge laundry basket and tried to hand it to me with the statement, "We're married now."

Talk about cutting to the chase! He was so serious and it was so…Ug! Me, Man!… that I couldn't stop laughing. That issue was solved then and there, but without a sense of humor these past 20 years would have been (mostly) a burden instead of (mostly) a joy.

However, women are spoiled too. You need to do a post about that, John. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN!!!