Don’t we Christians hate the fact that that while we’re trying to have Christ be the focus of Christmas, everyone else wants the primary personality of the Christmas season to be Santa Claus?
And doesn’t that make Santa the anti-Christ?
Ho, ho, ho, indeed. The gall of Satan pretending to be jolly!
And Santa being Satan certainly explains a lot. For one, it explains the red suit. It also explains the flying reindeer. Remember how scary the flying monkeys were in The Wizard of Oz? Clearly, making mammals fly is an earmark of the deeply malevolent. And seriously: What would you rather have flying over you—a 50-pound monkey, or a 500-pound reindeer? That wide-brimmed hat the Wicked Witch of the West wears might protect her from monkey droppings, but is it really going to help against a team of reindeer flying overhead?
And elves. Please. An elf is just a gnome with better P.R. And everyone knows gnomes live to create havoc. I used to live in a house in the woods that became infested with gnomes. Believe me, that is not something you want to live through. And if it ever does happen to a place you’re living, do not use Gnome Motel. That product is useless. Those little creeps built on to the Gnome Motel we left out for them. They put in a little jacuzzi, and a deck. The workmanship was awful. And it led to all these little booze bottles being scattered all around the place.
Terrible. We finally had to call in a pack of mad rottweilers.
Boy. Talk about getting the job done.
Anyway, the point is that Santa is Satan. Look how close their names are! And Santa/Satan isn’t the only diabolic anagram going on with Mr. Red Nose’s name, either. Rearrange the letters spelling “Saint Nick,” and what do you get? That’s right: sick taint. And Kris Kringle? Try Sir Grinlekk—which totally sounds like it could be the name of one of Harry Potter’s wicked wizards, doesn’t it? So I think that settles it.
Santa Claus. Satan’s cause. Satan’s claws. It’s not even subtle.
Plus, everyone knows that the Devil’s whole thing is to make people believe the opposite of the truth. And, as we all know, Hades is about as far south as south gets. So where does “Santa” live? But of course: as far north as north gets.
Pffhhht. Any child is trickier.
Speaking of children, do I even need to mention how wrong it is to teach our children to associate getting great things for free (Santa!) with breaking and entering (Satan!)? How long is it before any Christmas-inculcated kid with any initiative at all thinks to himself, “Hmm. Santa. Down chimney while people sleep. December 25. Me. Through window while people are on vacation. Now.”
The Christmas season is upon us. Let us become ever more vigilant against the evil that tries to distract us from its true meaning. Christmas is about celebrating the incarnation of God—period. And that is why I, for one, will be prepared throughout this entire Christmas season to at any given moment stand straight, point accusingly, and cry at the top of my lungs, “Get thee behind me, Santa!”
I’ll let you know how that goes.
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This is the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time. Thanks john keep it going! lol
Okay, I'm sort of committing the sin that many readers do when they happen upon your blog, and, in the interest of time, am merely skimming over the comments. I just have to say: do you remember the Geico commercials that spoofed various TV events (soap operas, reality shows, C-SPAN)? The jacuzzi on the Gnome Motel reminded me of the "Tiny House" reality-show-spoof that Geico did– one of my favorites!
I'm also baffled by this comment: If you don’t believe what you wrote to be true than why did you write it?
!?!?! I think someone's taking writing/blogging a little too seriously…
John, I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Not everyone gets your humor, but I’m just warped enough to enjoy it. Thanks.
In the immortal words of Robert Anton Wilson remembering when they told him at age seven or eight that there was no Santa Claus:
“I kept waiting for them to admit there’s no God,” says Wilson. “They never did.”
John,
If you don't believe what you wrote to be true than why did you write it? For humor's sake?
It amazes me how much comprise (conforming to the world) we christians do. If I confess that I am anti-Christmas I am attacked by the church. If I celebrate Christmas, as a christian, then there are rules I must follow to not allow it to become too pagan.
I'm still not impressed by the gospel of Christmas coming from the church. Nor the demands that we must "remember the reason for the season". We are so confused, Jesus is not the reason for the Christmas season. When I read where God commanded His people to set aside a day of rememberance I don't recall Him including a provision to share His glory and honor with characters such as the Easter Bunny or Santa. But we have always been free to add (clauses) to our belief systems as did the Pharisees from the beginning.
I think christians try to corner the market on Christmas and Easter. Why can't our pastors admit that we use these pagan celebrations as an opportunity to introduce Jesus to the world and not the other way around? To lessen the need for aruging I leave it to God and the maturity of each christian and pray that "the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ will give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation to know Him better".
I now resolve to enjoy the tradition of "giving" in this Holiday Season (Thanksgiving to Christmas) and celebrate it in the spirit of Thanks and Giving throughout.
"Former Grinch"
Wickle: That's really cool. Thanks for taking the time to tell me this.
John, I just wanted you to know that I read this post to my mother-in-law this evening, and we were laughing out loud about it.
Still, even now, it's utterly hilarious.
I don’t believe there are any commands in scripture for us to relieve ourselves in any way. Seriously, can you imagine God saying “Verily shall you go forth and poop”? I do it though (and it smells pretty every time, thank you)…and I bet even the staunchest anti-holiday folks do too, even though God didn’t ‘command’ it. Also, I’ll confess, I shower daily, and I know even Jesus himself didn’t do that.
(building on my snarky response to #13–I’m just sayin’…)
Hey, Andrew. Yeah, you see the grief some gave me here.
That diamond joke is HILARIOUS.
I guess some Christians have to be … diamond-makers for the same reason some people generally do: They're angry at something that has nothing to do with anything anyone but they can fix.
John,
Thanks for writing this. I just got "lovingly" shown the truth about Santa and how I was corrupting my children's Christianity with his presence, so I surfed the net to settle down. Your writing on this was a breath of fresh air.
Then I read the comments that followed your article and got stressed all over again. Heh!
Some folks are so wound up, I can't help but think of the Ferris Bueller line – Pardon my French, but [they are] so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up [their] ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond-
Why do Christians have to be so uptight? At his right hand are pleasures evermore!
Skerrib, on behalf of everyone who will ever come into contact with you, let me say “thank you.”
John, this is amazing … who knew that there was this much to be said about Santa/Satan?
Wow …
Yeah, it IS a bit of a revelation, that so many people took the "Santa as Satan" thing so … seriously? Passionately? Weirdly?
Skerrib: I seriously hesitate to ask this, but what might be an example of a way in which, relative to one's hygiene and/or bodily functions, one might, in fact, go "extra- biblical"?
I must admit that I go extra-biblical when it comes to personal hygiene and bodily functions. I don't mandate it for others, Christian or not, but I choose to include it in my own life.
Rach (#13) said, "I am a scripturalist, so if I don’t see a command from God to do something in the Bible, I don’t do it."
I was looking through my Bible and find no explicit command to post on blogs – yikes! Or to respond to blogs – double yikes! Or to use the internet! There are folks who say we shouldn't celebrate Christmas because it isn't in the Scriptures. The Magi celebrated the birth of the Messiah King, and it is very possible that Jesus celebrated Hanukkah (the Feast of Dedication) though it was not one of God's appointed festivals (John 10:22,23). There were also angels celebrating the arrival of Messiah, as well as shepherds. I will celebrate the Incarnation with zeal – whether in winter or spring or summer or fall – for the Cross cannot come to pass unless first the Incarnation.
Did you not read the whole OPENING of the piece, Dave? Did you actually start reading AFTER the whole opening paragraph in italics????
I see that there has been a lot of discussion here about the similarity of Satan and Santa. I wrote a long message on Crosswalk in regard to a message that was entitled something like “Santa Theology” but the staff of that web site decided to remove it. I guess there are a number of Christians who are supportive of Satan Claws which saddens me. I hope this message was not intended as a joke although parts of it are funny.
wow… this thread is stil going, huh? incredible. It’s not even funny anymore now… well… maybe a little.
And, about post 127 above me… (“Santa=getting and Jesus=giving “?) That’s a matter of opinion. They are both about getting and giving… all depending on how you look at it.
Santa is about “Getting”
Jesus is about “Giving”
Shannan: Who do you think has gotten so upset about Santa?
When someone gets this upset about something, I have but one question. Are you that angry when someone slams or attacks Jesus?
God tests our hearts because He already knows what's in them, He just wants us to know too. If you are that angry with this comparison, is it perhaps that maybe you have a little altar in your heart with the big jolly man in a red suit? Even in humor, the truth is evident.
Ultimately, we can shape and mold it any way we want, but God is the only one we should rise up and defend with such fervor! Since Bible believing Christians know it is one of the Ten Commandments not to lie, why are we so quick to indoctrinate our children with a lie about Santa?
People are leaving the church in droves because they are disillusioned and bitter, and we look the other way and blame the world for it.
You see this innocent character with noble virtues, I think of C.S. Lewis, and his statement in the Screwtape Letters, "The greatest trick the devil ever played was makiong people believe he didn't exist."
So, look for the good if you must, but relax, the world isn't going to give up Santa Claus anytime soon. Too bad so many "faithful" Christians have abandoned Jesus though.
Hey John, was your article supposed to be funny?
Just kidding — I got a kick out of it. Unfortunately, too many people take it seriously. I liked Andrew’s response in #121.
I suspect that a certain Baptist minister is spear-heading the whole “Satan Claws” thing to get publicity. By the way, using their same logic, do you know what you can do to the word “Baptist” by moving a letter around? Pretty funny.
Thanks,
L
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