Don’t you think it’d be great holiday fun to go to work every day for twelve days dressed like a different character from “The Twelve Days of Christmas”? You do? Really? Well, here’s some costume ideas to help make that happen:
Partridge in pear tree: Cut your hair in the fun uni-shag style that David Cassidy so rocked on the old Partridge Family TV show. Fill your pockets with pears and tree bramble. Done. (While around your slower co-workers, you may want to sing “I think I love you!” to make sure they’re not confused about what you’re doing.)
Turtle dove: Buy about a dozen of those little pet store turtles. Put some Super Glue on their shells. Attach turtles to clothes. Then put on a long-sleeve shirt, cover its arms with Elmer’s glue, and jam both arms into a down pillow which you’ve cut open for this purpose. Go.
French hen: Don a beret. Say nothing but “qui! qui!” all day. Put eggs in all your pockets.
Calling birds: Attach feathers to clothes. Spend day phoning co-workers.
Golden ring: Cover every inch of your clothes and body with gold spray paint. Put your cell phone in your pocket. Program your desk phone to continuously call your cell phone. Don’t answer it.
Geese a-laying: Attach feathers to clothes. Lie on floor.
Swan a-swimming: Attach feathers to clothes. Fill up kitchen or bathroom sink with water. While making loud honking noises, splash everyone who walks by.
Maid a-milking: Skip this one. No need to act unprofessionally.
Lady dancing: Wig optional for guys. Flowing skirt not.
Lord a-leaping: Dress as much as possible like this guy:
Jump a lot.
Piper piping: Bring a bunch of pipe to work. Pretend to be installing it around everyone’s desk and cubicle.
Drummer drumming: Bring a drum of your own, or bring drumsticks and drum on everything in the office.
Next time: How to crash a party
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Posted by windyblue on December 10, 2007 at 11:37 am
At a church I attended many years ago, they use to put on plays at christmas time, and some of the members did that, its not easy to do, and pull off. But it was very funny.
I do not think my boss would think it was funny if I came to work dressed up as any one of the 12 days of christmas I just might get 12 days being suspension from my job, with no pay.
So than I would have to explain why I could not pay my creditors, I do not think they nor my landlord would take to the excuse, that I cannot pay them because I went to work dressed up as the 12 days of christmas. They might recommend that I check in at the state mental hospital.
Posted by Sabina on December 10, 2007 at 12:59 pm
I should have known this was a joke-I was actually curious on how this could be done. duh!
Posted by dsilkotch on December 10, 2007 at 1:00 pm
“Maid a-milking: Skip this one. No need to act unprofessionally.”
So glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that line.
Posted by JP on December 10, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Let’s see Christmas = Celebration of Christ
Xmas = Celebration of X ???
Posted by Leif Sr. on December 10, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I lost it on the first one. “You may want to sing ‘I think I love you!’ to make sure they’re not confused”. Too funny.
Actually, I’d love to see you pull these on Cat. Now that would be funny!
You’d have to post the photos.
Posted by jaimewindon on December 10, 2007 at 1:37 pm
um, OMG.
practically peed my pants laughing, per the usual.
this is why i LOVE reading what john shore writes…yay!
Posted by kristen on December 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm
hi there! i’m a friend of jaime’s (you can tell news spreads fast, as i’m commenting right below her) and i’m on the floor laughing while reading your post.
your humor reminds me of this book i read that might interest you if you’re into the “what if’s” about christianity and the whole biblical characters being human concept, etc.
It’s called “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” – Amazon.com gives a great synopsis about it.
Posted by Disappointed on December 10, 2007 at 2:08 pm
X-mas??!! I thought this was a site for BELIEVERS – not ATHEISTS. Please leave CHRIST in Christmas. I don’t understand how it does not offend people who claim the name of JESUS to cast aside the NAME OF CHRIST as if HE doesn’t matter. It is ALL about HIM.
Posted by John Shore on December 10, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Uh…real quick, cuz in hurry just now: Disappointed: I don’t like using “Xmas.” But I needed to fit the piece’s title within the blog’s title box. Sometimes it’s about Christ AND reality. And sometimes maybe it’s even about relaxing a little.
The rest of you guys: Too fantastic. Thanks so much.
(Actually, I WILL go see if I can put “Christmas” now. It looks like I can! How weird…)
Posted by samwrites2 on December 10, 2007 at 3:24 pm
John,
This is what I was thinking when I saw the X – that since you have “Suddenly Christian” as your blog’s title you were using the X to represent the Chi in Chi Ro, the greek letter representing Christ. That’s also what I think of when I see X mas. Otherwise, why not just say “Hey, Happy Holidays!” (okay, that last part was a joke.)
But really, the blog is funny. Why dissect it due to a title? Like Twain says, “Humor is like a frog. You can dissect it, but the thing dies in the process.”
Posted by Rachel Cabal on December 10, 2007 at 3:47 pm
oh right! easy for you to say Mr. I Get To Work At Home and Dress in Whatever Costume I Like Every Day…..LUCKY DOG! Actually, being the evangelism person on our church staff, this would go over great! They expect it of me! …or maybe cuz it’s just something I would do.
Posted by anita on December 10, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Since I’m self-employed and therefore have no office in which to follow your oh-so seasonally festive suggestion, I’m left to consider whether to do it at the mall (if I could even find parking 12 days in a row this time of the year), the grocery store (though I’m thinking there might be an issue with the turtles and hygiene laws in the deli section) or my therapist’s office. I’m tending to lean toward the therapist’s office since we’ve been running rather low on issues as of late. These outfits would have me set for the next year’s sessions. Thanks for the ideas John. I’m off to Home Depot for gold spray paint!
Posted by John Shore on December 10, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Sam: Way to be knowledgable. Knowledgeable. Knowlagable. Smart.
Rachel: I beg your pardon, but I do not wear “whatever costume” every day. I wear a very SPECIFIC costume every day. Mondays, for instance, I wear … um. You know what? Never mind. But let’s just say I’m familiar with the word “crinoline.”
Anita: Excellent! Let me know what your therapist says. Is he a Fruedian? If so, act like you were a little TOO into the “pipers piping” one. You’ll probably get an extra hour or two, free.
Posted by Skerrib on December 10, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Nursing moms unite!
Maids a milking = done.
Posted by nancy on December 11, 2007 at 11:28 am
Thank you so much for the humor, it was refreshing!
Posted by Taryn on December 13, 2007 at 6:04 pm
So, the kids I teach might think this is funny as their teacher would be dressed up everyday, but I do believe my coworkers would not like it so much…Love the humor! Made me laugh, and caused my roommate to be concerned from all the laughter.
Posted by Dana on December 15, 2007 at 11:19 am
Skerrib – #14…My thoughts exactly! I’m right there with you. One down 11 more to go.
I write a version of this song every year to fit our family & stick it in with our Christmas cards. Usually gets a good laugh out of everyone.
And I use X many times because it does stand for the greek symbol for Christ. I think maybe “disappointed” just showed us how much he doesn’t know. Laughing is good medicine(proverbs)…he should try it.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Posted by tam on December 17, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I really love the pipers piping… When my son was little, I had to explain to him the “pipers piping’ – he actually envisioned guys laying pipe and plumbing…
Of course, he also wondered why the maids (as in those that clean)were milking the cows too…
Posted by John Shore on December 17, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Too funny! I was always confused by “turtle doves.” I always thought it meant some kind of freak, hybrid … turtle with wings.
Posted by tam on December 18, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Turtle doves are a hybrid resulting from a toxic waste spill. I think they have even found their way into my pond…and the worst thing, they are a hybrid involving snapping turtles.
Posted by Here We Don’t Go A’ Caroling Anymore « Suddenly Christian on December 19, 2007 at 9:54 am
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