My Lenten Story Remains Untold. Thanks, Starbucks.

Two weeks ago an Episcopal priest phoned to ask if I’d be interested in leading a five-week Lenten study at St. Peter’s, a lovely redwood church in the nearby coastal community of Del Mar. (Del is Spanish, I believe, for “insane amount of,” while Mar means “money.”) Touched that Father Frank, as he is known, would think of me to play such an important role in the prayer life of the church to which he’d been recently called as interim rector, I responded with a humble, deeply felt, “Maybe. What’s it pay?”

I mean, it’s Del Mar. Valet parkers there make 85 a year. Even the Starbucks there are just called “Bucks.”

Man. That’s sad. I can’t believe those are the best Big Money jokes I can come up with.

Well. It’s six in the morning. I’ve barely had my coffee.

Still. Valet parkers. Pretty weak.

Hmm. Let’s see . . . .  The police in Del Mar drive Bentleys. That’s the bad news. The good news is that instead of frisking you down, they massage you.

Yes! Score!

Ahh, coffee. There’s nothing like it to give you heartburn, bloodshot eyes, and the personality of a soaked cat.

Hey, speaking of Starbucks, I read the other day that they had their First Ever financial loss for a/the/some quarter. You could tell the Starbucks Honchos were plenty panicky about their pecuniary pickle. From their statements to the press, you could also tell they partake of plenty of their own product. The story was, like, “In a press conference given on Tuesday, the president and CEO of Starbucks, Joseph Buzzface, said, ‘Hey, man. Hey, this is no problem. Okay? It’s not. It’s not a problem. Forget it. We’re in control.’ Wildly scratching his scalp, Buzzface went on to say, ‘It’s just not a problem. We got money like the ocean’s got salt, you know what I’m sayin? Do you? Do you know what I’m sayin’? Do you guys know what I’m sayin’? Man, I have to pee.’”

Starbucks, I learned, has determined that the reason they suffered their first financial hit ever was because (to this time actually quote Starbucks’ CEO, Howard Schultz), “The scent of the warm sandwiches [that Starbucks started serving about seven months ago] interferes with the aroma of the stores.”

So it turns out that heating up bacon and egg sandwiches in a store makes that store smell like bacon and egg sandwiches. And Starbucks realized this after  they’d installed commerical stainless steel ovens in all of their stores.

So now I guess their new slogan will be, “Starbucks.  Sorry we confused your nose. Please come back.”

Anyway, I’m going to do a five-week Lenten study for St. Peter’s in Del Mar, starting on February 13. I’m excited about it, and Beyond Humbled they’ve asked me for this. I was going to share with you my plan for that series. But since (as you may know) I’m now striving to write Shorter Blog Posts, it’s too late for that.

So tomorrow I’ll have to tell you about my big fat Lenten study series. Unless I first have a giant cup of coffee. Then all bets are off, apparently.