As a person with no life who works at home and also doesn’t have a televison, I spend an inordinate amount of time online. And I have noticed that tops among internet topics is the iPhone. I don’t have an iPhone. I don’t want an iPhone. I know if I got one I’d never figure out how to use it — and it would embarrass me how rarely I’d have occasion to take advantage of its capabilities. No one ever calls me. Like, ever.
On the other hand, I am a complete e-mail freak. I check my email about 4,000 an hour. And I’m definitely keen on owning a phone-camera combo. I’m so techno-Amish that I’m still using the cell phone that ten years ago came free with my service contract. That thing couldn’t take a picture if you strapped it to a Leica.
Now that I think about it, I think my real problem with buying an iPhone (beyond the price, of course) is that I have issues with Apple-chic. Whenever I go into the vast, gleaming Apple store near our home, I feel like I’ve entered some kind of Geek Revenge Zone. It’s so self-consciously hip, it’s trying so hard to be Cooler Than You, that to me it just feels alienatingly vacuous. That whole “Welcome to the Future!” nonsense that corporations do in hopes of generating a “I must catch up!” response in people drives me crazy. It’s so transparently manipulative, so aggressively nonchalant. And, of course, it invariably fails. “Corporate Execution” and “Look How Cool the Future Is!” go together like “Vote for Me!” and “I’ll never sell out!”
Maybe I’m just getting cranky. I am, after all, turning 50 this month: the classic crank age. I know growing older doesn’t help with the whole “Let’s Buy the Latest Techno-Innovation!” I’m still bitter about having to lose my VHS tapes. And my awesome collection of cassette tapes. And my amazing collection of LP’s. And all my 8-track tapes.
Okay, I never had any 8-track tapes. Even I could see those clunkers were on the short road to obscurity.
I think iPhones are mostly yet another way for people to avoid Actual Thinking. But now that I think about it, what has thinking really ever done for anyone? Besides, maybe, if at any moment, anywhere I am, I could receive an e-mail, listen to a song, surf the web, or snap a photo of something, I would finally have that rich, fulfilling life I’ve been meaning to acquire for … I don’t know … fifty years.
Just out: UNFAIR: Why the “Christian” View of Gays Doesn’t Work (softcover edition; Kindle edition; NookBook edition). Find me here and on my Facebook page.
![John Shore on The Huffington Post](http://johnshore.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/huffpost.jpg?w=120 "John Shore on The Huffington Post\")
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Berkley Standard Distribution (BSD) from many, many years ago. … a flavor of Unix. I acquired FreeBSD from http://www.freebsd.org/ and installed in on an old P3 just for fun. I run a web and ftp server on it and it runs without a hitch for weeks on end without reboot or lockup. There are other cult flavors like Ubuntu which I may try on yet another p3 box. I’m a geek, just ask my kids.
My pastor is a little concerned for me since the mascot for FreeBSD is a little red demon but I think he’s cute (not my pastor, the demon). Besides Gates and Jobs are not exactly fooling anyone with their smiles and good deeds.
Ric: TOTALLY FUNNY!! (What's BSD? Sounds … well, kind of porny, actually. I would imagine.)
Glad to hear that Alpay. Mac – Win – Whatev. I've been running BSD lately because, well… its ahhh… FREE. Sort of the opposite end of the spectrum. My wife says, "But no one else in the house will know how to use it." … I don't understand her point.
to #27, Ric,
I am not upset. What I am just saying is there is nothing wrong with being hip. It is just the same as being not hip. However Macs have nothing to do with being hip. It is just a product and nobody should be staying away from them just because they market their product that way.
Go Apple
Cheers,
Alpay
eh…apple's okay. I use windows at work and my mac at home and school. I'd say that things go more smoothly on a mac but i'm not even sure if that's true. It may be because I use a mac significantly more than I use Windows.
Call me superficial…but the thing I like most about using a mac is the design. The actual computer/product and how stuff looks in the programs and stuff you're using. As far as functionality? I'm equally functional on a mac or pc. I guess I'm just that good.
John, turning 50, cranky, an ancient cell phone, no tv… man I feel akin to ya. Oh! but you forgot the receeding hairline, aching body parts, and dweebie kids who look to young to be our of the house let alone work in in dweebie high tech heaven.
Holy cow! That IS one mighty strong case for Apple and an iPhone. Dang, dude. I think you just changed my mind. Who can argue with any of what you've just said???
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