Comments on: People of the Shrug: Spoiled 2-Year Olds in Adult Bodies

By: CACollins

CACollins — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 03:10:33 +0000

You could be self centered and disfunctional. Or you could be clinically depressed, or sub-clinically depressed and just not have the energy to want to cope.
Happens.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 17:45:19 +0000

To me, it seems like both of you are projecting so many thoughts and ideas into this post. It amazes me when people do that and then claim it’s the original author’s intent and meaning.

By: Josarah

Josarah — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 17:33:36 +0000

I agree with Noa that this article had a tone of judgement and moral superiority to it. The idea that there is one way and one way only to deal with certain types of people assumes a great deal. While it doesn’t specifically state that they are hopeless cases, that seemed to be implied by the conclusions. It seemed to overlook the possibility of growth or change on these people’s part. It did however make me look at my own emotional detachment, and look at what motivates me ( or doesn’t) , and what it is I am trying to protect when I refuse to connect with people on a real level.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 16:43:48 +0000

And you’re right, I certainly did misread you, your subsequent comments reflect the writer to be someone who’s stubbornly fixated on just being angry and reading something that’s not there. So I stand corrected.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 16:41:39 +0000

Again, you’re twisting this post to be something that it is absolutely not. Autism is a disorder – it’s not a willful choice to remain limited and selfish emotionally when one has the capacity to do so which is what John is obviously referring to here, you’ve inserted that meaning into the post and reacting to that. I wonder why you’d do that? That’s not a terribly kind nor compassionate decision.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 16:38:31 +0000

Noa, I define my relationships by peoples’ behavior. Not their feelings.

By: Noa

Noa — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 16:37:01 +0000

I’m not a gentle heart. I prefer to call myself compassionate. As I’ve said in a comment above, you are, once again, operating on an assumption that you know how someone feels and unless you’re a mind reader, you really don’t. Because when you assume you make an ass out of you and me.

By: Noa

Noa — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 16:34:56 +0000

Once again, you’re operating on the assumption that you know what someone else feels and that’s not cool. I’ve known people that don’t give back and while it’s a bit irritating, I accept the fact that is who they are. Specifically, I have a friend with Autism that can be a bit inconsiderate. There have been times when I’ve been annoyed by it, but I don’t automatically make a snap judgment that he’s a bad person. It’s just who he is and while I don’t particularly like that aspect, there are other qualities he has that make the friendship worth it. I just don’t feel it’s right to write people off.

But that’s just me. I have always felt that kindness and compassion are a better way to live one’s life.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 08:27:37 +0000

And Noa, there’s absolutely no Scriptural support at all for continuing to accept and be in relationship with others who are limited emotionally to experiencing life on their own, very specific and exclusive terms – who continue to maintain their limited state despite having the opportunity to change and grow. The capacity for these people to change, to learn how to actually sacrifice for others is certainly present. But a lot of times, being miserable is just easier – it means they have to give absolutely nothing. That’s not being emotionally detached – that’s being emotionally self-absorbed.

And people like this are very careful to choose only those people who demand nothing from them or can be manipulated into believing that they don’t deserve it or that the “misery” is just too overwhelming. They are often very charming and fun to be around because they need the attention and people to make them feel a little less miserable, but as soon as that individual asks them to step out of their comfort zone? They’ll say “I’m just ill-equipped to care for anyone”. Which is an excuse to stay focused entirely on their own needs. They are emotional vampires and John is absolutely right – it’s good to expect nothing from them because you end up pretty disappointed.

But kind and gentle hearts like yours get fooled pretty easily with men and women like this. I got suckered in as well! It took me a very long time to learn.

By: DR

DR — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 08:19:40 +0000

There is a huge difference in what was actually written vs.the experience of being”emotionally detached”. Those are two very, very different experiences. One can still be emotionally detached and put others’ needs in front of their own. You seem to be substituting what you took away from this piece instead of what was actually written – which is someone who is emotionally *spoiled* within a dysfunctional family.

You also inserted “hopeless case” – would you please point out where that was said? Please be specific, thank you.

John this for me, was so significant to read this evening. Thank you, I’m going to read this a few times. I’m glad this comment brought it up.