Comments on: “Can You Help My (Non-Gay) Husband Feel Like a Bride of Christ?”

By: raginggenius

raginggenius — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:17:20 +0000

To love Jesus is to follow his commands, which means getting out of your comfort zone. Only when you are willing to get uncomfortable and suffer as Christ did will one experience true love for him. A lover of Christ stands out and looks really strange to a secular world.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:04:54 +0000

My Pastor has actually given talks at length on this. He's a guys guy and is very honest about his initial uncomfortableness with using the common language associated with God and Jesus. We have a very strong men's Bible Study and a lot of men that attend Church on a regular basis. (without being dragged there) I think they relate to the Pastor and are made more comfortable that he uses the love language and is still very much a "dude."

By: skerrib

skerrib — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 15:52:13 +0000

Oh Des that’s a fantastic point! Not that it’s true for everyone…but for my husband and me, the contrast is definitely there. I just can’t understand why he doesn’t like to sit, & process things, and talk about life.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:07:30 +0000

Hi Jessica,

I agree with what John has aptly expressed here. Here is another thought that came to my mind.

One can read many of the Psalms and see how David and other men "felt" toward God. Many of these writers displayed 'reverence, trust and thankfulness' toward God which I believe was their way of showing love toward God. If your husband reveres the Lord, trusts Him and is thankful to Him, then we might conclude that this is "his" way of loving God too. Maybe by dwelling on one or more of these, your husband might discover this for himself.

Here are 4 scripture references as examples…

Reverencing God/Considering His greatness:

1 Samuel 12:24 NIV

But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.

Trusting God:

Psalm 27 NIV

Of David.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me

to devour my flesh,

when my enemies and my foes attack me,

they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;

be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,

the LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, O LORD;

lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me,

breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

Being thankful/giving-thanks to God for His love toward us:

Rom. 5:6 NIV

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Psalm 136:2 NIV

Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever.

God bless you Jessica. Thanks John.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:49:32 +0000

I'm the wife who wrote in with this question. I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed reading all of your comments! When I first wrote in with this question, I really didn't think many people would be able to relate. Maybe that was because I'd NEVER before heard it spoken about. When my husband told me that he doesn't feel the love for God that Christians speak about, I was perplexed. Actually, I was also quite nervous that his relationship with God was flawed or possibly not even existent. Looking back, I am sad that I was so close-minded and judgmental.

Anyway, for my husband, I think the issue was the commonality of Christians equating their love for God with the same love in earthly relationships. Like John said, we cannot literally walk and talk with Jesus. We can't go grab a latte with him and chat about politics. Its impossible to "bond" with God in the same way we would bond with family or friends. Let me share with you a verse I read while researching this topic. "You are my friends if you do what I command." – John 15:14 For me, that verse has revolutionized my whole idea of what it is to be connected with and love God. What it means to be a friend of Jesus.

I would love to continue this dialogue – I've already learned and received more perspective from reading your comments. If you guys have any additional comments or questions, that would be amazing!

By: Christine

Christine — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:11:41 +0000

John, amazing, touching, lost for words, spoke to my heart directly. Thank you

By: Yvette

Yvette — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:50:31 +0000

This was the best explanation I have ever heard regarding this subject. Blessing on you for the widsom used in this post.

By: brianjwalton

brianjwalton — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:13:52 +0000

As an former worship leader in a church, this is an issue I had to deal with directly. I was always wonder if what many people equated with worship was really just an emotional high created by the music and the singing, i.e. feelings of elation or excitement. Now, I don’t think this means we aren’t worshiping when we allow the music to affect us. But I do think it’s dangerous when we begin to equate worship with one specific kind of feeling to a specific kind of music. I had a friend who never sang because he couldn’t “get into” the worship like most everyone else did. It’s a hard thing and I’m still not sure what we can do about it.

This man seems to have a similar problem, and I think you’re right calling it a problem of language. Our language is our best way of explaining our spiritual experiences, but unfortunately that also tends to create boxes for our experiences.

Thanks for the words, John.

By: Des

Des — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:27:04 +0000

One more comment. Youth vespers is on Friday night and my daughter is the one who usually goes. They sing songs, tell stories and get in small groups to discuss stuff. My son, who avoids it like the plague, had his winter clothes on waiting to be taken tonight to vespers. I was shocked and asked why he was going.

They've given us a challenge. Hand out 100 bibles in an hour.

Talk about motivated! A man given a task goes much further than feeding his soul with stuff he can't digest.

By: skerrib

skerrib — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:25:08 +0000

I think there’s a whole lotta stuff that is preached in churches (esp in our western culture) that lends itself to making people neurotic. There are so many areas of life where I don’t have the have the same expression of faith that you see from worship leaders and songwriters (thank you Faith!), or other things you feel are supposed to be normal for all Christians…for a long time I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Until I was fortunate to get mature, Godly people in my life who gave me permission to relax and feel my true feelings, even if they weren’t what I was “supposed” to feel. I also learned that’s why healthy relationships with people are important…God uses them in all the areas you were talking about that we can’t truly do with Jesus–talking in person, touching, etc. Sort of as “Jesus with skin on,” to use a completely strange and somewhat creepy phrase.

The interesting thing about God is that, while he never changes, every person is different, so every person’s relationship with God will be unique. I think you made a good point about the husband’s relationships with his wife and Christ–being strong enough to bring it up at all. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it takes courage to admit when we feel weak, or less-than-whatever, and it takes a level of trust in a relationship for such courage. It’s a beautiful thing.

And I agree…I’m not sure that you’d look good in taffeta either.