In response to my post Evangelist or Ego Driven Meddler?, a reader asked if I had any tips on how to keep your ego in check while evangelizing. As it happens, I wrote a whole book on that very matter (“I’m OK–You’re Not“) … so, yes, I do.
My first Big Tip would be not to “share” your religious convictions with anyone who hasn’t first asked you to do that. Your strongest passion cannot change the fact that no one cares what someone whom they don’t know thinks they should do with their own heart and mind.
If you want to share your religion with others, do something much more difficult than simply “witnessing” to people from out of nowhere: become so excellent a person—so thoughtful, so kind, so respectful, so honorable a person—that sooner or later the people around you—the people who know you—are moved to ask you about what makes you tick. Then you can talk to them about your religion. Insisting that someone share with you something they haven’t indicated they want is the most efficient way to make whatever you’re trying to share seem even less appealing.
The only exception to this is if—as was notably the case with Christ’s first disciples—you know the person to whom you’re talking has never heard of Christianity. Then, ego or not, have at it. Here in America, however, where it’s a safe bet that virtually everyone you meet has already heard and knows about Christianity (and can certainly, through a trillion free, easily accessible information streams, find out anything more about it that the Holy Spirit moves them to), I think it’s best for all of us who believe in Christ to remember that the proper function of a witness is to answer questions.
Related post’s o’ mine: What Non-Christians Want Christians to Hear and Are the Great Commandment and The Great Commission Incompatible?
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I attend a fairly conservative, "bible-believing" church. It's an evangelical bunch. Tough stuff is said pretty much every Sunday from the pulpit.
In the small-group Bible study I attend, we're talking about the balance between grace and truth right now. An elder leads it, and everyone who attends (except for me) has been Walking The Walk for decades.
In discussion tonight, even these folks agreed that debate-like, Bible-quoting, confrontational evangelizing (different from witnessing) without a) being invited, or b) speaking within the context of an established relationship of some sort, generally does more harm than good.
I emphasize that the people of this group, and my church in general, are quite conservative as a whole. But they are nonetheless closer to John's position on this than to some of the commenters recently (blog wide, not just this thread).
Just wanted to toss that out there.
Thank you John….haven't read all the comments yet, just wanted to thank you for (again) writing this. We currently have a Bible study going on about the Acts of the Apostles and the leader is INSISTING that Acts 1:8 is the MOST important verse of the whole Bible…."THE GREAT COMMISSION." As if nothing else matters. I have been putting in my feeling that God wants us to LOVE (Him, each other, and others) before GOING, but it's not getting through to this person. ARGH!!!! Anyway, I will continue to love first, then share. I think you definitely have the right of it.
Sorry, i meant "..The point is *NOT* about volunteering the gospel or not.."
Bill,
The point is about volunteering the gospel or not, but about sticking it i someone's face without them being remotely interested in hearing what you have to say.
The reason why they ask you is because they can see that you're living the gospel.. they can see that the kingdom of God is inside you and has spread itself out over everything in your life; your work/school, finances, relationships, church etc…
I volunteer the gospel to anyone who asks for it, but I will never try to shove it in their face, ie. volunteering to them without them asking for it..
They already know about Christianity, what they don't know is how it applies to their life and how "..the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory…"(Colossians 1:27) looks like. You have to live it first by example…
John, if everyone read the book I'm OK you're not, or UnChristian, the message would be clear. Most so called Christians cause people to tune out and turn off, and run screaming from any overt discussion of God. Couple that with how most Christians act, and you get a good case for letting Jesus have the saving part, and us having the loving part.
Most Christians I know struggle every day with their nature. I stopped wearing a cross ear ring because I didn't feel I represented the cross as well as I should.
I still struggle with the "Love God with all your hear mind and soul and love others as yourself" every day. I still have doubts about Christ and God that I examine every day when I lay in bed at 3 am and think about life and the end of life.
Great post John, as always. My hope is that people actually read the words and think about them outside their comfort zone.
Casey: "why? what happened to freewill? What happened to freedom of faith? Why is it your responsibility to make sure I go to heaven? What if I want to go to hell? Or…. god forbid, What if I dont believe in your god, and so by participating in your religion; I have just turned my back on my god and so am not going to be reincarnated correctly- but instead I’m coming back as an ant?"
Where to begin, well lets use an earthly story to illustrate (and yes I know that analogies break down so please bare with me). If I saw someone walking down the street listening to their iPod and enjoying life, but they where heading towards a busy road with enough cars that he would certainly get hit and die, should I allow that person to enjoy their music knowing they will die or should I interrupt their life, knowing they may get mad at me for ruining their favorite song, so that I can stop them from going the wrong way and saving their life?
I know that this is not politically correct but if your on this blog you should be prepared for this next thought. I am certain that if you die without the gift of salvation from Jesus, no matter what god you worship, you are heading towards eternal death in hell. It sucks when you put it that way, but sometimes the truth hurts. Knowing that those within hearing distance of me maybe heading to hell I feel a sense of responsibility to tell them that they don't need to go to hell and that Jesus can give them the key to heaven that they need.
As for free will, you have the free will to listen to me, to believe what I am telling you and to choose to follow Jesus to heaven. You also have the free will to enjoy this life on earth as much as you can and go to hell in the end. I can not force you to believe in Jesus, I can not convince you that he is real and above all I can not forgive you of your sins and allow you to go to heaven, only God can do those things and he will only do them with your free will decisions.
Ok, I know I am preaching here and that if you are a saved Christian this is not new to you to hear, and if your an unsaved heathen that is happy in their sin that this sounds ridiculous to you. But I promise you it is the truth and if you make the decision to follow Christ that he will open your eyes to see and your ears to hear.
Last point. To clarify what I am saying in regards to John's original post. I agree that we should not chase people around and force feed them the Gospel. I agree that we should be examples of Jesus' goodness on earth for those around us to see. But I have to disagree that we should not talk to someone about Jesus unless they ask us without invitation to. I believe it is our responsibility as Christians to give others the opportunity to ask us. Wither it is me wearing my John 3:16 tie at work, or leaving a Bible on my desk for visitors to see, or better yet if it means I walk into a crowded room and yell out "I am looking for someone to talk to me about Jesus!" and then see who steps forward to discuss God. We need to be more blunt with opening the door for someone to talk to us about Jesus than just living right and waiting for them to notice.
God bless you all, amen and thank you for you time.
Bill: Wow. That wasn't even anywhere remotely near my "position." I mean … not even almost close. My fault, I'm sure.
ugh, john- I agree that Most everyone in america has heard of christianity; and that if they wanted to know more- then yes they would volunteer if someone asked to talk about Jesus.
I also think that everyone else in the room would either run for the hills, stay quiet (like me)or be nosy and listen to the conversation- then get into a pissing match about what god really meant.
second- "you can be so excellent a person—so thoughtful, so kind, so respectful, so honorable a person without trying to get people to like you." that does not have much to do with religion. Its the reason you are that person that matters. Obviously some people are like that because they are very faith driven, and their faith tells them that its important.
Others are like that to get noticed. And popular. (those people can also hide behind religion)
still others are this way not because their religion tells them too; but because its the right thing to do.
3rd- "I feel it is my responsibility, and the responsibility of every Christian, to grab as many of them as we can and put them on the narrow road to Heaven." mcoville…..
why? what happened to freewill? What happened to freedom of faith? Why is it your responsibility to make sure I go to heaven? What if I want to go to hell? Or…. god forbid, What if I dont believe in your god, and so by participating in your religion; I have just turned my back on my god and so am not going to be reincarnated correctly- but instead I'm coming back as an ant?
And while i'm still paying attention- what makes you think that people now a days care about what happened to some random guy millions of years ago? Wouldnt they care more that you held the door open for them when their hands were full? or john let them go ahead of them in the grocery line; even though he had 2 things, and they had 20. Or that Morse stopped in his car long enough to let that guy turn, while no other cars were coming, but that made him have to stop at the red light now. Isnt that more important?
I'm not saying that you should stop talking about god. If I were; trust me, this heathen wouldnt be on this blog or reading John's work.
All I'm saying is there is a time and place for religion. And if some has had an extremely bad day- hearing "Jesus loves you; but youre going to hell!" Well, that tends to put off the message, upset the receiver, Shoot the messenger, and ignore the sender.
Witnessing isnt bad; the tone and message seem to get confused in most cases. Maybe picking your battles instead of fighting them all. Maybe when some one has a bad day- listen. then just "god works in mysterious ways." Let them come back to you. I havent heard of a case where someone delieved gods message in one breath and succeeded. But I've heard of a lot of failures. Maybe witnessing is supposed to take more than 1 discussion.
I think it would be more effective if John, for instance, listened to his followers, and offered advice. But if all he ever does is quote the same message, do you think any one would listen to him?
Sorry for the long post John…. I tend to go all long posts sometimes. Oh, and I would personally like to thank you for increasing my knowledge about freaky animals right now- because I just got done with making my evolution project and I used your Aye-Aye! lol
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