Comments on: Woman Just Abused by Husband Writes In http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/ Trying God's patience since 1958 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:58:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Heather http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-37335 Heather Thu, 14 Oct 2010 22:37:59 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-37335 Hi. I was abusived by my husband for 25 yrs. My ex was Mr Charming to the rest of the world and Mr Hell at home. He nearly killed me several times and when I finally called the police they didn't arrest him because they didn't see blood ! He repeatedly violated the restraining order and nothing was ever done. I found out much later that he was seeing another woman with connections in town. So, I've lost everything, my home, most of my belongings, my friends, the church that he hated and made fun of . . . where I dedicated all my time and help . . .they sided w him, my trust in courts and protection, etc. Now my grown kids who he treated the same as me and have wanted nothing to do with him are acting like he s a great guy and spending a lot of time with him. No, he has not changed at all ! Just excellent at manipulating them and throwing money and fun things at them. They lived with this horrible man and know what each day of our lives was like and now act like none of it matters . I am in raw pain watching them go to him. I was and am the most devoted Mother and was there for them for every moment of their lives ! I feel like he has taken almost everything there is from me. Hi. I was abusived by my husband for 25 yrs. My ex was Mr Charming to the rest of the world and Mr Hell at home. He nearly killed me several times and when I finally called the police they didn’t arrest him because they didn’t see blood ! He repeatedly violated the restraining order and nothing was ever done. I found out much later that he was seeing another woman with connections in town. So, I’ve lost everything, my home, most of my belongings, my friends, the church that he hated and made fun of . . . where I dedicated all my time and help . . .they sided w him, my trust in courts and protection, etc. Now my grown kids who he treated the same as me and have wanted nothing to do with him are acting like he s a great guy and spending a lot of time with him. No, he has not changed at all ! Just excellent at manipulating them and throwing money and fun things at them. They lived with this horrible man and know what each day of our lives was like and now act like none of it matters . I am in raw pain watching them go to him. I was and am the most devoted Mother and was there for them for every moment of their lives ! I feel like he has taken almost everything there is from me.

]]> By: Making Relationships Work http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-25802 Making Relationships Work Sun, 11 Jul 2010 13:01:35 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-25802 Hi. I read a few of your other posts and wanted to know if you would be interested in exchanging links? Hi. I read a few of your other posts and wanted to know if you would be interested in exchanging links?

]]> By: Don Rappe http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-23114 Don Rappe Fri, 11 Jun 2010 16:58:47 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-23114 People are truly married when they pledge their troths (true loyal hearts) to each other. If the troth is not kept, the marriage is over; only the paperwork is left. Assault is not a form of abandonment, it is beyond abandonment. A man has a duty to defend his wife from assault. When he does not, he has abandoned her. And when he than becomes her assailant, he commits something more akin to murder than adultery. Sometimes fast sometimes slow. It is beyond betrayal. . People are truly married when they pledge their troths (true loyal hearts) to each other. If the troth is not kept, the marriage is over; only the paperwork is left. Assault is not a form of abandonment, it is beyond abandonment. A man has a duty to defend his wife from assault. When he does not, he has abandoned her. And when he than becomes her assailant, he commits something more akin to murder than adultery. Sometimes fast sometimes slow. It is beyond betrayal.

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]]> By: Suzanne http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-1/#comment-20249 Suzanne Sat, 10 Apr 2010 14:14:39 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-20249 Yes, the "Christians" in the church to which I belonged told me in so many words that my husband OWNED me and whatever he chose to do to me was a direct channel from God to teach me lessons that I needed to know, because it was obvious that I needed him to break my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh. I was also given the "submit unto to your husband as unto the Lord" line, and my husband's alcoholism, violence, and whoring around was all MY fault - because if I were a true Christian and truly submitted to both God and my husband, none of it would happen. Strange how all these co-abusers trot out the same lines, isn't it? My lot also gave me the God hates divorce thing - but never warned my husband that God hates wife abusers - Peter said that God would hold a man accountable for every tear he cause his wife to shed. Peter also said that a man who fails to nurture his wife and children is worse than an infidel. To be very graphic, to this bunch of "Christians", I had no right to complain about many episodes of marital rape and degrading public gropings and accusations of frigidity - because my body belonged to my husband and he could do with it exactly what he wanted. Yes, they knew what he was doing, and yes, they ORDERED me to stay with him. They prayed for me, publicly, by name, and tried to cast demons out of me. What saved me was a head pastor, who got wind of what was happening, called a meeting with the elders, called me in, and told me to get the hell out of there before I was killed. He said flat out that this was NOT in any sense a MARRIAGE. I still loathe people who walk around with pie-eyed smiles and flaunt their Christianity. I still will not call myself a Christian - I see myself as a follower of Jesus. And I avoid churches! I simply do not trust them. What do you think happens to children who see their mother brutalised by their father, daily, verbally and physically? What do you think happens to children who see their mother demonised in church? Have you ever examined the context in which Jesus said that God hates divorce? It was in a time when a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all, including things like growing a mole or a wart on any part of her body, while women were regarded as having no souls. Jesus was warning his disciples against dumping a wife who burnt a meal, or had the temerity to develop a freckle. The only thing I can say to "Christians" who tell a wife to stay with a man who's abusive - and believe me, "only" verbal abuse is every bit as damaging as being thrown against a wall, cut with a knife, burnt with cigarettes, having hot coffee poured down your neck,, pushed off the sidewalk, pushed into the oven while taking out food so your hands get burnt (yes, all that was done to me!), is "Get your head out of your arse and start thinking about what you'll say to God when He asks you why you not only condoned but outright encouraged this man's flagrant violations of Christian principles. In what way does a man hitting, screaming at, swearing at, and raping his wife fulfil his promise in the sight of God and the church to love her, honour her, and love her as Christ loved the church? Do you really think that a God who could love a woman so much He'd send his son to die for her would praise you for encouraging somebody else to cause her death?" Am I bitter? I wonder why? Yes, the “Christians” in the church to which I belonged told me in so many words that my husband OWNED me and whatever he chose to do to me was a direct channel from God to teach me lessons that I needed to know, because it was obvious that I needed him to break my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh. I was also given the “submit unto to your husband as unto the Lord” line, and my husband’s alcoholism, violence, and whoring around was all MY fault – because if I were a true Christian and truly submitted to both God and my husband, none of it would happen. Strange how all these co-abusers trot out the same lines, isn’t it? My lot also gave me the God hates divorce thing – but never warned my husband that God hates wife abusers – Peter said that God would hold a man accountable for every tear he cause his wife to shed. Peter also said that a man who fails to nurture his wife and children is worse than an infidel. To be very graphic, to this bunch of “Christians”, I had no right to complain about many episodes of marital rape and degrading public gropings and accusations of frigidity – because my body belonged to my husband and he could do with it exactly what he wanted. Yes, they knew what he was doing, and yes, they ORDERED me to stay with him. They prayed for me, publicly, by name, and tried to cast demons out of me. What saved me was a head pastor, who got wind of what was happening, called a meeting with the elders, called me in, and told me to get the hell out of there before I was killed. He said flat out that this was NOT in any sense a MARRIAGE. I still loathe people who walk around with pie-eyed smiles and flaunt their Christianity. I still will not call myself a Christian – I see myself as a follower of Jesus. And I avoid churches! I simply do not trust them.

What do you think happens to children who see their mother brutalised by their father, daily, verbally and physically? What do you think happens to children who see their mother demonised in church?

Have you ever examined the context in which Jesus said that God hates divorce? It was in a time when a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all, including things like growing a mole or a wart on any part of her body, while women were regarded as having no souls. Jesus was warning his disciples against dumping a wife who burnt a meal, or had the temerity to develop a freckle.

The only thing I can say to “Christians” who tell a wife to stay with a man who’s abusive – and believe me, “only” verbal abuse is every bit as damaging as being thrown against a wall, cut with a knife, burnt with cigarettes, having hot coffee poured down your neck,, pushed off the sidewalk, pushed into the oven while taking out food so your hands get burnt (yes, all that was done to me!), is “Get your head out of your arse and start thinking about what you’ll say to God when He asks you why you not only condoned but outright encouraged this man’s flagrant violations of Christian principles. In what way does a man hitting, screaming at, swearing at, and raping his wife fulfil his promise in the sight of God and the church to love her, honour her, and love her as Christ loved the church? Do you really think that a God who could love a woman so much He’d send his son to die for her would praise you for encouraging somebody else to cause her death?”

Am I bitter? I wonder why?

]]> By: Wayne http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-20248 Wayne Sat, 10 Apr 2010 05:24:44 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-20248 Marion The same Bible requires a Man to Love his wife as Jesus loves us. He is even to lay down his life for his wife. He broke the vows of marriage first. These vows are a covenant with God. Biblically you have the right to leave. You then should forgive him over time for your own sake. Forgiving does not mean that you forget, or that you are accepting his behavior in any way. God does not want any of us to suffer. Go with your heart and don't let anyone tell you that God requires you to stay in an abusive marriage. Marion The same Bible requires a Man to Love his wife as Jesus loves us. He is even to lay down his life for his wife. He broke the vows of marriage first. These vows are a covenant with God. Biblically you have the right to leave. You then should forgive him over time for your own sake. Forgiving does not mean that you forget, or that you are accepting his behavior in any way. God does not want any of us to suffer. Go with your heart and don't let anyone tell you that God requires you to stay in an abusive marriage.

]]> By: Cindy http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-20161 Cindy Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:45:07 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-20161 Hi, Proven scientific fact: children who are emotionally abused have a harder time recovering from it than children who are physically abused. I don't know if it's the same for adults, but emotional abuse can be severe; albeit, not death threatening (unless you start to consider suicide as an emotionally abused adult.) I believe both types of abuse are horrendous and not to be tolerated, period, but I did not want emotional abuse to be defined as a minor form of abuse. I also believe that whenever there's physical abuse, there's emotional abuse as well. To Marion - it is amazing and so courageous that you were able to immediately put an end to the abuse. Sounds like you are receiving the support that you need while you go through this. I was scared to death to leave the guy who was abusing me, who, when I did finally get up the courage to leave, continued to stalk me. The police were no help back in 1985 in St. Louis. Hopefully, police everywhere have received (better) domestic abuse training. Good luck to you and your precious children and be safe. Hi,

Proven scientific fact: children who are emotionally abused have a harder time recovering from it than children who are physically abused. I don’t know if it’s the same for adults, but emotional abuse can be severe; albeit, not death threatening (unless you start to consider suicide as an emotionally abused adult.) I believe both types of abuse are horrendous and not to be tolerated, period, but I did not want emotional abuse to be defined as a minor form of abuse. I also believe that whenever there’s physical abuse, there’s emotional abuse as well.

To Marion – it is amazing and so courageous that you were able to immediately put an end to the abuse. Sounds like you are receiving the support that you need while you go through this.

I was scared to death to leave the guy who was abusing me, who, when I did finally get up the courage to leave, continued to stalk me. The police were no help back in 1985 in St. Louis. Hopefully, police everywhere have received (better) domestic abuse training.

Good luck to you and your precious children and be safe.

]]> By: Allen http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-20136 Allen Thu, 08 Apr 2010 13:25:04 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-20136 John, first time reader, but I had to respond to this article. Incidently, this was linked off of Huffingtonpost, so that proves interesting that I found this. I am a man, who came form a broken home. My Dad was an alcholic abuser of my Mom. I promise everyone here that the worst thing for my Mom to have done would have been to stay with him. Yes, when he was sober he had good qualities. She did have two kids with him. But he needed help, and never got it. Long story short, she divorced him to save herself, my older brother and myself. And unfortunatly, it was a little too late for my brother. he was 17, and is now kinda damaged now by the mess. I pray for him to find peace. I keep reading the arguments about the wife should be more submissive to the husband. I'm sorry, but that infurates me to no end that this is used to mean a wife should just put up with abuse. I know the verses being used: Ephesians 5:22-24, but how about the REST of the story!!! Ephesians 5:25-33 are instructions for MAN to LOVE his WIFE as he would LOVE GOD!!!!! There is no way, if a man truely follows these verses, he could raise his hand to his wife, or by extention his children. At least, that's my personall opinion. Thank God Marion got out. To the women who I read were still in relationships like that, get out!!! Pray for changes, but for the love of God, protect yourselves, and/or your children. I promise you, it will make things better in the end. John, first time reader, but I had to respond to this article. Incidently, this was linked off of Huffingtonpost, so that proves interesting that I found this.

I am a man, who came form a broken home. My Dad was an alcholic abuser of my Mom. I promise everyone here that the worst thing for my Mom to have done would have been to stay with him. Yes, when he was sober he had good qualities. She did have two kids with him. But he needed help, and never got it. Long story short, she divorced him to save herself, my older brother and myself. And unfortunatly, it was a little too late for my brother. he was 17, and is now kinda damaged now by the mess. I pray for him to find peace.

I keep reading the arguments about the wife should be more submissive to the husband. I’m sorry, but that infurates me to no end that this is used to mean a wife should just put up with abuse. I know the verses being used: Ephesians 5:22-24, but how about the REST of the story!!! Ephesians 5:25-33 are instructions for MAN to LOVE his WIFE as he would LOVE GOD!!!!! There is no way, if a man truely follows these verses, he could raise his hand to his wife, or by extention his children.

At least, that’s my personall opinion. Thank God Marion got out. To the women who I read were still in relationships like that, get out!!! Pray for changes, but for the love of God, protect yourselves, and/or your children. I promise you, it will make things better in the end.

]]> By: Donna Smith http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-20151 Donna Smith Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:08:36 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-20151 I too was abused. I married three days after I turned 16 and it took me 23 years to realize I couldn't live this way any more. God doesn't want us to be abused, He wants us to be happy and focus on Him and His teachings. That is something no one can do if she is constantly wondering what is going to set him off and trying to figure out ways to avoid him and protect yourself. I also grew up in a very violent and abusive environment and even after we escaped we were hunted down across state lines by a man carrying a gun. I saw how a church family can turn its collective back on the abused person. It is sad to think that these people actually believe that God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship where you have to defend your very life. I am proud of you for recognizing that you had to leave and I wish you much happiness and success. As for me, I am three weeks away from graduating with honors with my Bachelor's degree in nursing and although I have the same credit card issues and have a very difficult life, for the first time in my existence I can say I am truly happy. May God Bless You and guide you. I too was abused. I married three days after I turned 16 and it took me 23 years to realize I couldn't live this way any more. God doesn't want us to be abused, He wants us to be happy and focus on Him and His teachings. That is something no one can do if she is constantly wondering what is going to set him off and trying to figure out ways to avoid him and protect yourself. I also grew up in a very violent and abusive environment and even after we escaped we were hunted down across state lines by a man carrying a gun. I saw how a church family can turn its collective back on the abused person. It is sad to think that these people actually believe that God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship where you have to defend your very life. I am proud of you for recognizing that you had to leave and I wish you much happiness and success. As for me, I am three weeks away from graduating with honors with my Bachelor's degree in nursing and although I have the same credit card issues and have a very difficult life, for the first time in my existence I can say I am truly happy. May God Bless You and guide you.

]]> By: Christine http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-12669 Christine Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:24:43 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-12669 Dawn: my story pretty much to a T. I am so sorry that happened to you hun Dawn: my story pretty much to a T. I am so sorry that happened to you hun

]]> By: Christine http://johnshore.com/2009/02/26/woman-just-abused-by-husband-writes-in/comment-page-2/#comment-12659 Christine Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:10:29 +0000 http://johnshore.com/?p=2743#comment-12659 Liz: they don't say it in those words. But they will say things like "we don't believe that he would do that" or "God doesn't want you to leave" or "he will change he is just going through a rough spot" or, once with I was told "he told us you would tell us these lies, you need to get on your knees before God and say sorry for slandering your husband". So yeah, effectively they say stay in the house and keep getting beaten. Don't get me wrong, there are many good Christians in my life who DO NOT agree with these people, in my life they are now the minority but at one point because of where I was living and who my husband hung out with they were the majority Liz: they don’t say it in those words. But they will say things like “we don’t believe that he would do that” or “God doesn’t want you to leave” or “he will change he is just going through a rough spot” or, once with I was told “he told us you would tell us these lies, you need to get on your knees before God and say sorry for slandering your husband”. So yeah, effectively they say stay in the house and keep getting beaten.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many good Christians in my life who DO NOT agree with these people, in my life they are now the minority but at one point because of where I was living and who my husband hung out with they were the majority

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