Devout Gay Christians I’ve Known and Loved

by John Shore on April 29, 2009 in Christian Issues · 132 comments

heartcrossThis morning I got an email from Chris, a gay Christian. It was a broadcast email about happenings at his church. For whatever reason it brought to my mind, all at once, some of the great number of  gay and lesbian Christians I have known.

Chris taught a Bible study class at a church my wife and I once visited during our search for a neighborhood house of worship. Except for one other person—who, weirdly enough, was also gay—Chris knows the Bible more thoroughly than anyone I’ve ever known. His biblical knowledge is absolutely inexhaustible. He can take any two Bible passages you give him—and he’ll only need their citations, not the actual quotes—and immediately launch into a deep, comprehensive, and frightfully articulate analysis of myriad ways in which those passages are historically and theologically connected. And he can do that all day, with whatever passages you throw at him. It’s … jaw-dropping.

The only other person I’ve known who apprehends the Bible with that same sort of apparently infinite depth is a gay friend of mine, Craig. Craig was a protegee of philosophy; professors of philosophy at the prestigious college he attended used to turn to him for insights into what they were teaching. Craig is simply an intellectual genius; he reads obscure ancient Greek philosophical tracts (in their original language, which he taught himself in about three months) like I might read a story in People magazine. Except I forget stuff I’ve read in People and Craig seems to never forget anything he reads. Or sees. Or hears. Craig is also a profoundly devout Christian. He knows the Bible and its history cold—and loved it passionately.

Craig’s intellectual mentor—a man so devout he once worked as secretary (as in “primary intellectual”) to the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem—is also gay. If archaeologists today find an ancient scriptural document that ultimately needs to be analyzed and translated, this intellectual giant is one of the handful of people in the world who will receive these huge X-ray-type pictures of the parchment he will then examine on this special, high-tech light-board that he keeps in his office (and which I am here to tell you he does not appreciate people screwing around with when he steps out of his office for a moment).

Another dear friend of mine, Bill, came out when he was the associate pastor at a church, a position he’d held for twelve years. The congregants of his church loved Bill. The Sunday after Bill told his church family that he was gay, the head pastor of his church told the congregation, from the pulpit, that from then on anyone who in any way had any contact whatsoever with Bill would be immediately and irrevocably condemned to hell.

The people of the church believed their spiritual leader. And just like that, virtually all communication between Bill and the people he’d so loyally served for twelve years came to a screeching halt. As a result, Bill turned his back on Christianity, and slipped into a depression that almost literally killed him. (About three years ago, Bill came back to the pastorate. He now visits churches who are split over one issue or another, and helps them to heal.)

I also thought this morning of an e-pal of mine, Anita. Anita runs this website, which helps gays and lesbians come to terms with being Christian. A lesbian who is also a pastor serving a church in the San Francisco Bay Area, Anita regularly writes on her site of her love for, and deep understanding of, God. Her articulation of Jesus’ power and presence in her life and heart make for truly inspiring reading—no matter who you are, or, I would think, where you stand on the gay “issue.” I can’t believe any Christian could remain unmoved by Anita’s ongoing testimony to the reality of Christ’s saving grace in her life, and in the lives of those around her.

All these Christians and quite a few others rushed through my mind when I got Chris’s email. And they reminded me of a recent conversation I’d had with a very dear, very conservative elderly Christian friend of mine. In many ways this man has for years been my spiritual mentor. He and I were talking about homosexuality and Christianity. Fairly long into our talk, this good, honest man sighed, and said, “You know, the bottom line for me is that I’ve never known any gay people. Not anyone that I knew was gay, anyway—not anyone ‘out,’ as they say. I’ve simply never been close to such a person, in my whole life. But I imagine if I had known and cared for some of the people that you have known and cared for, I would be a little more conflicted about the gay issue than I tend to think I am.”

So. Amen to that.

{ 131 comments… read them below or add one }

altonwoods April 30, 2009 at 11:00 pm

So to conclude, do not push away a honest sinner but do not follow them into sin. Love them enough to help them avoid the sin they are openly guilty of.

Any Christian worthy of being called "salt" would do this…and do it in a most non judgmental,compassionate, loving way that they know how to!

We are all sinners, none may cast the first stone…there are area's of my life that I'm aware of being wrong about that I'm in repentance for…there are many more that I'm not aware of. (I'm sure)

I was born with a genetic predisposition to be what I am, a sinner, no different than a gay person or someone who sins in a different way, but to not claim our power over sin that Christ died to provide us with is, well…rebellion. Jesus died so that you don't have to continue to live in sin, what we do with that is between us and Jesus. I love my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters! thanks to you John for providing this forum to talk about this!

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mcoville April 30, 2009 at 9:26 pm

First off, great post John, you brought some thought to this one and it sounds like you have had a lot of personal experience to help write it.

Secondly, I am a Bible thumping, hell fire and brimstone, conservative baptist… or as I like to call myself, simply a Christian. I have no problem with a homosexual person being a member of a church, and applaud them for being honest about their sin. I would have no problem with a church leader saying that had homosexual tendencies. But the heart of the matter is if they are continuing to commit their sin of homosexuality they should not be in a leadership role, especially if they refuse to call it a sin and condone the act.

All Christians sin and it is part of the ministry of the Church to help us get through the sins God is working on cleansing. Wither that sin is lying, stealing, adultery, pornography or homosexuality, it is a responsibility for Christians to help other Christians avoid sins.

So to conclude, do not push away a honest sinner but do not follow them into sin. Love them enough to help them avoid the sin they are openly guilty of.

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 7:23 am

I emphatically reject the company you include me in.

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Matt Cooper April 30, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Interesting post John; thanks for demonstrating a level-headed and loving perspective. I was reading some of the comments on some of your other posts relating to homosexuality and was highly disheartened by the attitudes and perspectives that are [still] out there (this, to be replied to with "it's not our attitude/perspective, it's the Bible!" Read first, then criticize… take 1 minute to study before attacking a brother).

Trinidad – with your perspective on deception, the criteria is assuming everyone is out to get you, and going with indicators that you are beyond human understanding. Yes, the gays are out to get you. Watch out! Your criteria for seeing who the true Christians are is illogical as well; you will know a Christian by their fruit, and this is exactly what John was referring to. You sound more like the accuser than the One who came to save us all because He loved us so much.

People have agendas, and see thru the fog of them. There's no convincing fearful and superstitious people that the gay are loved as much as they are. They despise our freedom after all the years of inner turmoil and rejection we faced to get to it.

(PS – Christians, please stop saying love the sinner hate the sin…. when you say hate the sin, you're not helping. Imagine being on gay island and having them persecute you for your heterosexuality … because you chose it, you sinner, and you are so wrong for not living a life of celibacy because you are attracted to humans of the opposite sex, you undevout and godless person. Please stop hurting other people, Church).

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Helly April 30, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Ha! Well you obviously don’t need more freaks and losers on this thing, so perhaps I ought to stop reading it altogether ;-)

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 2:18 pm

That’s right: You DON’T read the comments on my blog often enough.

Loser.

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 7:15 am

I try to, but OMG!!! I've spent an entire afternoon doing just that and adding my own and gotten nothing accomplished around my home or my own life. Don't feel bad, Helly. We don't all have that kind of time. I'm glad I do, because this it the best blog I've come across.

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Helly April 30, 2009 at 2:17 pm

I can't speak for Karin, but in my mind, the term "lifestyle" indicates choice. I can choose to live an extravagant lifestyle or I can choose to live a frugal one. I can choose to live a lifestyle full of one-night stands or I can choose to marry and have a monogamous relationship. They are more about actions we choose to, well, act upon, and not about things over which we have no control. I do not believe that one's sexual orientation is a choice any more than your skin color is (Michael Jackson notwithstanding), so it doesn't make much sense to describe it in terms of choices.

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Helly April 30, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Ah, I had no idea I was dealing with that sort of “regular”. Obviously I don’t read the comments on this thing often enough ;-) Thanks for the heads-up.

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Terry April 30, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Karin, please enlighten. If not a lifestyle, then what would you call it?

John, do you agree with the arguments which can easily be googled, that the Bible doesn't proscribe homosexuality?

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 7:19 am

Read WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY SAYS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY by former priest Daniel Helmeniak. If that doesn't answer your questions, nothing will.

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Liz April 30, 2009 at 12:26 pm

John, can you answer “American Texan”? I am wondering that as well. Thank you.

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 7:11 am

I Liz, I answered it from MY perspective but John might wish to also.

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Mike (FVThinker) Burns April 30, 2009 at 10:32 am

I have always found it terribly fascinating how a gay individual can embrace an organization that, as a core precept, persecutes them. It seems something akin to Bill Cosby joining the Klu Klux Klan. The power of the meme and the plasticity of the brain never cease to amaze.

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 2:47 am

Mike: Perhaps the gay individuals you speak of aren't shallow, intellectual Pygmies with virtually no understanding of their own thoughts and needs. Maybe–just maybe—they're smart, insightful, and open enough to feel and believe in the absolute, overriding power of God's love—period.

It'd be nice if you'd try being less "amazed" at how stupid people are—at how gullible, how irrational, how impressionable they are—and instead try–just try!–giving them credit for being no less rational than you. Do you think that your constant assertions that Christians are irrational makes you seem any less arrogant, narrow-minded, mean-spirited, and judgmental than the very people you're forever accusing of being exactly those things?

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skerrib April 30, 2009 at 8:42 am

Fantastic food for thought.

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 8:49 am

Skerrib: Thanks very much.

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mm April 30, 2009 at 8:22 am

I should clarify no disrespect to anyone with my previous comment. I'm not say all Christians fall into one camp or the other(damnation or salvation). Like everything, Life is a series of gray areas we are all stumbling our way through.

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Okay, I think in the Wise Saying department, we have, with "Life is a series of gray areas we are all stumbling our way through," a winner. Nice!

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mm April 30, 2009 at 8:11 am

I think it comes down to the fact there's two types of Christians: the fire and brimstone crowd and the love and acceptance crowd. Those on the fire and brimstone crowd will constantly try to find ways to exemplify the fact that humans can never be worthy of gods love, and therefore will attempt to exclude as many people as possible(especially because by doing so, it makes it easier to rationalize including themselves). The love and acceptance crowd see god's love as all enveloping, and all inclusive, and therefore, withhold judgment of others and accept them as they would accept themselves.

I don't think that people such as Ted Haggard, are an accident.

But i only spent 10 years as a catholic and am currently an atheist so I can't really speak from too much experience. Just my take. I just read your blog because I've always enjoyed your writing, and I have always enjoyed the philosophical aspects of religion. It's the other part i can't do. Nothing personal of course. I'm just a humanist.

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 6:14 am

Mike can't separate the two; or, at least on my blog–on which he's been long commenting–he virtually never has. He absolutely insists that the institution of Christianity IS Christianity; he can't, or won't, in any way acknowledge the reality of the difference between the two. I have no idea why he's like that. But I'm just warning you: It ain't gonna happen.

Cuz if it did—if he DID acknowledge the difference between the religion he's forever attacking and the essence of that religion—he wouldn't have anything to fight about. And–at least here, in the blogosphere–or certainly on MY blog, anyway–fighting is pretty much all Mike's about. He sets up false enemies—and then starts swinging at them. That's … his thing.

Anyway, beware of wasting your breath, is all I'm saying.

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Helly April 30, 2009 at 6:04 am

@Mike: frankly, I see no parallel between gays embracing Christ and Bill Cosby joining the KKK. The main drive behind the KKK is bigotry. The main drive behind true Christianity is love and acceptance. Yes, there are admittedly some points we wrestle with. Yes, there are bad apples who tarnish the message. (Even the Klan doesn't look kindly upon members who realize the errors of their ways and start befriending non-whites). But that doesn't (or shouldn't) overshadow the main point of Christ's message. Sounds as if you're confusing that message with institutional religion.

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John Shore April 30, 2009 at 4:40 am

American Texan's question was how the gays I know deal with the passages in the Bible that condemn homosexuality. I didn't answer that question because it never comes up. I have never, in the course of any conversation I've ever had with a gay Christian, asked them how the reconcile being gay with being Christian. That's just too rude a question to ask–or it is for me to ask, anyway. I just … wouldn't do that. It'd be like saying to someone, "How do you reconcile trying to pretend you're a blond with the fact that your dark roots are showing?" Not really my …. conversational style.

I do know–I mean, I have certainly studied—the general scholarship most often used as a basis for determining that the Bible doesn't, in fact, proscribe homosexuality at all. But that scholarship is readily available to anyone who … well, knows how to use Google.

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Trinidad. Adventist. April 29, 2009 at 8:11 pm

John,

If you're re-iterating how "passionately devout" these brethren are then you have missed my point. Again, the nature of a deception is that it is easy to believe. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to not fully grasp this point. That is just something to think about very carefully.

(Judges 7-8, with "Gideon and the 300" seems pretty instructive here.)

Nathan,

I am not quite sure what you're getting at.

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John Shore April 29, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Trinidad: I've missed your point again. I have no idea what you're talking about.

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 6:55 am

It seems to me that Trinidad is trying to get at the idea we get from the apostle Paul that the heart and mind are great deceivers and we cannot trust them, which is to say we cannot trust ourselves and our own reasoning or emotions and therefore our own interpretations of what we read.

But that is a very fallible position to take because everything we read and hear comes to us via interpretations, either by our own senses including intellect or that of others. If we cannot believe ourselves, why should we believe someone else who we must understand, if we are intellectually honest, must be doing his or her own interpreting as well, someone like a member of the clergy, a Pope, or a televangelist(?) an ultra religious child psychologist like James Dobson. Do we assume God speaks inerrantly to and thru them but not us simply because…..well, WHY? Why do we give them that power over our own minds? Are we truly sheep? Sheople? Perhaps because we have been taught to think that way by the very religion we don't dare to question? Because Paul says so and therefore it must be true because God speaks thru him……..but not me? Circular reasoning at its finest.

I prefer to think as Galileo did during his trials before the inquisition: “ I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use.”

I say God is speaking to us now about the issue of homosexuality just as he did about Race a generation ago and about Women and Slavery before that. And so long as I'm not getting messages to do things that would be harmful to myself or others, I choose to trust my own reasoning and emotions. They could as well be God speaking to me as anyone else.

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Nathan April 29, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Excellent post, as always on this issue. Your heart and intuition has given you an insight into the dilemma of being gay and a Christian that most Christians are unable or unwilling to confront.
I have a quibble with your positioning of the dilemma that gays pose to Christianity.

The dilemma has nothing to do with sexuality. Christian purity is pretty difficult for anyone in that regard! The real dilemma, and the part that made me stop living in a place called ‘denial’, was that my heart always, irrevocably, and uncontrollably fell in love with men. This was somewhat of a dilemma.
While I could, more or less, control sexual urges, the beats and rhythms of the heart are beyond my capacity for self delusion. How could I ever contemplate marrying a woman, and I had, when I knew that there is no way I could ever come to love her as she deserves or even return the love that she would give to me. Such a relationship would swiftly become bitter and dysfunctional. Something I know empirically!
Finally, if being a Christian means being in a state of denial or disownment from my own heart or the capacity to love, then how should I interpret the passage:
“Love others as I have loved you.”
As a gay Christian, fundamentalist teaching is equivalent to saying that god is a sick sadist.
No. The real dilemma about homosexuality and the bible is how fundamentalist Christians can justify their interpretation of God.
Ignorance and cold hearts I suppose.

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wendy April 29, 2009 at 5:40 pm

John – I came this way via Anita’s blog.

Thank you.

From my little corner I sense the ethos of the conversation on these realities shifting ….. more and more are less comfortable with alienating certainty and more focused on humility and grace through relationship. The very thing your mentor hit upon ….

Would love for you to take a peek at some of our adventures in seeking to build bridges over at http://www.btgproject.blogspot.com

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American Texan April 29, 2009 at 4:50 pm

This is certainly a thought provoking post.

I personally do not know any gay Christians but I will admit to having a hard time reconciling (in my head) someone who is a great spiritual leader yet is also openly gay. The Bible speaks very specifically against this sin (along with many other sins) and I wonder how the gay Christians you know deal with those passages.

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Read WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY SAYS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALTY by former priest Daniel Helmeniak. You will not again be able to speak your last sentence with such certainty….unless you simply blindly deny what you read.
Read that book. That’s how I dealt with “those passages”.

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Alet April 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Dear John, Thank you for your post. It is refreshing and gracious! I believe that debates to either side will hardly ever succeed in changing anyone's perspective on this issue, it is only when the "them" and the "they" becomes the face of a friend, family member (or even the face looking back at you in the mirror) that we can truly begin to 'deal' with this. Thank you for caring enough to look with different eyes

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Karin April 29, 2009 at 2:06 pm

Well first of all we don't call it a "lifestyle".

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Terry April 29, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Just curious – what do your gay Christian friends think about this whole gay marriage issue? Do they see their homosexuality as a sin? How do they reconcile everything they've read in the Bible with their lifestyle?

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soulmentor May 14, 2010 at 6:08 am

To answer your last question. In my case, I studied the issue by reading things other than exclusively the Bible, such as other works on the issue by theologians and clergy and psychologists and just plain decent spiritual people, while at the same time agonizingly struggling with my heart and intellect to finally come to the conclusion that the "traditional" interpretations of the relevant Biblical passages about homosexuality are not necessarily true just because someone who supposedly should know says so. One can only agonize about one's homosexuality for so long before one realizes it isn't necessary to do so. I came to the truth that made me free and what an amazing relief that was.

That, in turn, resolves your second question. My answer is unreservedly, "NO". And I don't give a rat's patootie what the Pope or Jehovah's Witnesses say about it. Why should I give them that power over my mind? When the Pope can prattle on with mind blowing incredulity about how condom usage cause AIDS, there is little left he can say about anything that I will believe.The same for Robertson and catastrophic weather or my evangelical sister who speaks in the language of "the Lord this and the Lord that" but hasn't a clue about what I've has to do to survive the onslaught that would smother us from her world. I trust what I know because I went thru it, faced it, didn't bury it in ritual and denial……or drag distractions, was flat on my face with it more than once….and came out of it all quite peacefully gay.

I wish I could package that and give it away to every gay man who is currently where I was many years ago, some on the edge of suicide where I, fortunately, never got, tho there were moments I feared I might literally have a heart attack.

Love knows no gender and I refuse to allow others to tell me that LOVE simply can't include sex ….for only my kind. What insulting arrogance to think they have a handle on truth when even Jesus wouldn't answer when confronted with the question, "What is truth".

And by the way, off the subject but here's an intriguing question that came to me a few days ago. How do we know Pilate asked that question? How do we know Jesus remained silent? How do we know anything about what was said during Jesus' moments before Pilate? Who else was there that might have remembered or recorded it? Certainly none of Jesus' followers were present and it's safe to assume Jesus got no chance after that to pass the info on to someone and it's unlikely that Pilate would have bothered either.

See, the Bible itself brings up too many inconsistencies and questions for anyone to have such certainties about "traditional" interpretations.

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Billy June 7, 2010 at 3:02 am

Soulmentor,

Excellent response. I am apparently where you were a few years back but am following down the same path you took. I'm finding that the more resources I draw upon, the more at peace I become with myself and my spirituality.

Thank you for your most eloquent and insighful post!

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Bill June 7, 2010 at 8:41 am

If you need someone to talk with, don't hesitate to write to me. Been there, done that and my heart goes out to those being there and doing it.

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T. December 27, 2010 at 5:58 am

First of all, to draw any conclusion on material other than the Bible is wrong. What authority does this other author, or anyone really, to reinterpret the Bible? It says in black and white that homosexuality is wrong. No interpretation necessary. To say you used sources that weren’t exclusively the Bible tells me you are unwilling to accept the truth.

Homosexually is a sin. Whether you believe it or not. Just as murder is a sin. It’s not my place to judge. It’s God’s. And he has already, in his word the Bible. While it is a Christians responsibility to love and accept everyone, including gays, we should never accept sin. Just as you would try to get a liar to stop lying, or a thief to stop stealing. Why should we make an exception and say that being a homosexual is okay. It is a sin and it is not okay to continue that lifestyle and expect no consequences for your actions.

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Anonymous December 27, 2010 at 6:26 am

It’s always the ones who say “It’s not my place to judge” who are quickest to do exactly that.

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John Shore April 29, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Trinidad: Um … yeah, that's why I made such a huge point of what passionately devout Christians those guys are. You're punching at a target that's not there.

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Nathan April 29, 2009 at 11:40 am

Yes, Trinidad is correct. Bring back the inquisition!

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Trinidad. Adventist. April 29, 2009 at 11:35 am

I am inclined to agree with this post.

However, I must warn you that the nature of "deception" is that it is very easy to believe.

It seems to me that you think that it is easy to spot a false Christian; but I think that by definition many will appear to be very genuine.

In the final analysis, God is not impressed by brilliant men but by those who surrender to Him in obedience. A life of celibate self-denial is far more "impressive" to me than a list of academic achievements or talents.

When many claim at the last to have "prophesied in your name" do you suppose they'll be lying?

Again, the nature of deception is that it is very easy to believe. If any of these men are sincerely trying to follow Christ (they may or may not), their brilliance wouldn't be the evidence to look for.

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Ella April 29, 2009 at 10:56 am

Great post, John. I think the church would shudder if it knew how many gays and lesbians have been, and still are, serving it.

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John Shore April 29, 2009 at 10:21 am

Thanks, Stephanie, very much.

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matthew April 29, 2009 at 3:24 am

Each and every one of us is a sinner and I believe it is safe to say the vast majority of us, to a greater or lesser extent, do not expunge all the skeletons from our closets or allow God to work His cleansing power through each aspect of our lives.

Homosexuality is a sin not very unlike every other sin.

God does spend some time telling us specifically that it carries specific consequences, but never does He state it is an especially sinful sin.

God is Holy and we are not. Sin is sin, there is no level of sin. For those of us who consider ourselves "holier" the admonition "let he that is without sin cast the first stone" should give us serious pause, and probably should stop us in our tracks.

One of the great failures of the church today is an unwillingness to address homosexuality as a sin. Instead we treat it as leprosy, something to be avoided at all costs. We rub shoulders with sinners all day, at church too. The lepers we'll not touch but willingly damn to hell.

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John Shore April 29, 2009 at 7:17 am

Matthew: Are you yourself inclined to be tempted by the sin of homosexuality?

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Stephanie April 29, 2009 at 2:16 am

Fantastic post John.

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