Now here's a guy who takes his punctuation seriously.
This morning I received a message from a new e-friend, Tammy Lubbers, whose Facebook page is here.
“You wrote a book about punctuation?” she wrote. [She is referring to Comma Sense, a book that I don't think it immodest of me to acknowledge has made me famous throughout my house.] I KNEW I liked you! I’ve decided to begin a petition to eradicate apostrophes, as they are rarely used correctly. Want to join?”
I was appalled; I was aghast; I was mortified; I was eating a bowl of Life cereal, which is perfectly named since it’s not quite sweet enough.
Milk flying everywhere, I fired back this missile of a missive:
“God, no. I LOVE and constantly use the semicolon; I wholly depend upon it. SEE?! You start a club about how to use [the semicolon] correctly, and I’m your man. But eradicate it? No, no, no, no, no. We only have 13 punctuation marks, total. I NEED the semicolon. NEED, I SAY!!!”
My wife Catherine thinks I’m insane about punctuation. She’s wrong. WRONG! Period. I mean … not period. But wrong.
Now then. As a reader of my blog, I know that you are a literate: sophisticated, educated, knowledgable knowledgible smart. And Mrs. Lubbers, I happen to know, isn’t exactly a drooling admirer of shiny objects. So I ask: What think you of this move I have reason to know is burgeoning out there, of eradicating the semicolon? Are you for that? Is anyone? Do people really not know how to use this noblest (if most finicky) of punctuation marks?
If more of you vote for eradicating than saving the semicolon, I will swallow my protests, bow to your will, and see to it that the semicolon vanishes from use.
That’s right. I can do that. They don’t let just anybody write those books, you know.
So what say you, reader? Thumbs up or down for Ye Oldye Semicolon?
Related to this is my completely excellent When Punctuation Goes Really, Really Wrong.
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Posted by mark lattimore on November 13, 2009 at 11:48 am
Actually, I`m in favor of semicolons AND apostrophes.
Posted by John Shore on November 13, 2009 at 11:52 am
Hah! Bless you, brother, in all your punctuational endeavors. (Hey, speaking of which, did you ever get the copy of Comma Sense I sent you for winning my “Guess What This Is” contest? (That’s the book I offered as a prize right? Or was it “I’m OK”? Whichever it was, I mailed it to you weeks ago. Didya get it?)
Posted by Deana on November 13, 2009 at 12:08 pm
What would we do with the King James Version of the Bible without the semicolons?!!! Would it still be the only inspired Word of God without them? YIKES! Hear the sarcasm in my voice!
I love semicolons especially when followed by good news!
Posted by Bethany on November 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm
My life depends on the semicolon. Anyone who has read my work or blogs will vouche for this. I have almost perfected the “air semicolon” gesture. It’s tricky, but it’s coming together.
Posted by John Shore on November 13, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Oh, Tammy. I almost feel sorry for you.
Almost.
(Bethany: hilarious on the air quotes!)
Posted by Derek O'Brien on November 13, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I love semi-colons, they’re like the middle children of the punctuation family, often overlooked by folks for the stronger and cuter siblings.
Posted by Tammy on November 13, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Hey Bethany, I have perfected the “air semi-colon”. You need to see it! By the way, am I the only one who giggles when they say colon?
John, I DO drool when I see shiny objects!
The much awaiting grouchy “note” has been posted on my Facebook page. Feel free to browse!
Posted by John Shore on November 13, 2009 at 12:55 pm
So THAT’S why your husband always wears tin-foil suits, Tammy!
Are you sufficiently chagrined, you deriserer of the semi-precious semicolon, to see here this VAST outpouring of the punctuation mark which you DARED to inferred inferior?
Posted by mark lattimore on November 13, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I did get the “I`m OK” book. Thank you! Unfortunately, assigned reading has taken precedence over extra-curricular reading. I hope to get to it over Christmas break. Maybe I`ll suggest it to a prof as required reading next semester. Be well.
Posted by Richard Lubbers on November 13, 2009 at 2:21 pm
By the way, John, I love the semi-colon; it’s my favoritist punctuation.
Tin Man Lubbers
Posted by theskinhorse on November 13, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I heart semicolons.
Posted by skerrib on November 13, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Wait, I’m confused. Are we talking about apostrophes or semicolons? Both of which I enjoy, by the way.
Posted by John Shore on November 13, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Semicolons. I, too, am not actually how it is we swerved into the possibility of apostrophe apostasy … What I DO know is that I’m very heartened by this manifested out-and-out hearting of semicolons.
Posted by AboundingJoy on November 13, 2009 at 8:00 pm
John, I am officially chasing you down through cyberspace. On top of following your every Tweet, I’m now your FB fan and will begin devouring your blog. Thanks for trying God’s patience all these years…and keeping things are so entertaining.
Posted by Nancy on November 13, 2009 at 10:07 pm
John, the timing of your post is slightly unnerving. Let me explain. Earlier this week, my husband and I went to a meeting in a building, the cornerstone of which contained this inscription: Love your neighbor as yourself; Yes, that’s right, the inscription ended with a semicolon! (Actually you can hardly see it as I typed it here). I could not get it off my mind all week. I envisioned myself with some kind of compound, filling in the semicolon. Tonight we revisited the site, and I had the nerve to tell my husband about my eccentric aversion to the semicolon. He thought it was hilarious and couldn’t believe I could obsess about such a thing. THEN, we got home and read your blog, so I just had to comment! Though my post may suggest that I am not a fan of semicolon’s, I happily vote FOR semicolon’s. I have never been confused about when to use one, which is something I cannot say about some OTHER punctuation marks.
Posted by onemansbeliefs on November 13, 2009 at 10:11 pm
I prefer my colon whole. I feel just a little cheated when offered a semicolon, so I could do without them. That being said, I could live without half a colon, but whatever you do, do not take away my colon…
Posted by John Shore on November 14, 2009 at 5:41 am
Abounding: Thank you! What a lovely thing to say. You’ve been a great Twitter-pal; your tweets are wonderful. Thanks too, for sure, for joining my fan page. I appreciate the support.
Nancy: What an UNBELIEVABLE semicolon story!!! (Oh, people: Usage Rule. One good one for the semicolon: If everything that follows it doesn’t make for a complete sentence, you’ve misused it.)
Oneman” I, too, prefer your colon whole.
Posted by brdonaldson on November 14, 2009 at 7:37 am
Semi-colon, m-dash….m-dash, semi-colon…pick one.
Posted by textjunkie on November 14, 2009 at 7:54 am
Count me as a semi-colon fan; I have a hard time writing a sentence without one.
Posted by Mike (FVThinker) Burns on November 14, 2009 at 8:13 am
Careful use of the semicolon can allow you to write an entire page of text without one period. It’s awesome! The ultimate vanquisher of run-on sentences. I am partial to the ellipsis also (is that considered punctuation?). It seems to make the text more conversational. In fact where you wrote ” Now then. As a reader of my blog” , I would have written Now then…as a reader of my blog>/i>. To me, It evokes the conversational pause, yet still maintains an unbroken stream of thought.
Posted by Toots on November 14, 2009 at 9:07 am
I too love the semicolon and I am convinced I neither use it correctly nor care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And by the way, did I mention I l love the exclamation mark too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think why I like the semicolon the best is because it appears to be undecided about itself, a little like myself. Somedays it probably sees itself as a period and other days it feels more like a comma. Why be defined by labels it proudly declares. ( I had to really resist the temptation to use an exclamation mark at the end of my last sentence!);
Posted by mm on November 14, 2009 at 9:48 am
I love the semicolon. Please don’t get rid of it! Without the semicolon, the world would have never gotten to witness the worlds finest display of punctuation ever: Gogol’s two page sentence which is the opening to “The Overcoat”.
Posted by mm on November 14, 2009 at 9:53 am
I lied. That does not exist. Or at least in any of the translations I can find. But i swore that once, I did read a version where the opening is at least all one 750 word paragraph. Oh well. Still, semicolons’ rock.
Posted by Brian Shields on November 14, 2009 at 11:11 am
I thought you had to have a colostomy to use a semicolon; fortunately that hasn’t happened to me.
Posted by Eric on November 14, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Didn’t Victor Borge have an air semicolon in his “Spoken Punctuation”?
I find the semicolon refreshing because only literate people think of writing compound sentences; therefore, it’s much more rarely misused compared to the others. (Though they will go on and stick commas in there.)
And all together: “Ohhh, if it’s supposed to be a possessive, it’s just i-t-s, and if it’s supposed to be a contraction, then it’s i-t-apostrophe-s! Scalawag.”
Posted by Anita on November 14, 2009 at 11:33 pm
While I have no emotional attachment to the semi-colon do NOT mess with the mighty trifeta of punctuation…the three magic orbs of pause…reflect…and continue. Seriously John…leave them alone….or else.
Posted by Frank Dulohan on December 16, 2009 at 8:04 am
I HATE SEMI-COLON SO USELESS LEARN TO USE A COLON AND COMMA
Posted by Mike S on December 16, 2009 at 8:56 am
And all this time I thought a semi-colon was a WalMart brand of perfume. My education continues…
Posted by John Shore on December 16, 2009 at 9:08 am
Mike: Okay, that was pretty much the FUNNIEST blog comment ever.
Posted by Richard Lubbers on December 16, 2009 at 9:19 am
Well, John, this is all very impressive; you received such an outpouring of support for the semicolon (;).
But wasn’t Tammy proposing a petition to eradicate the apostrophe (‘)? We see the misuse of that punctuation mark all over the world of signage.
Posted by emanden on February 12, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I love the semicolon; how else could we write lists that include commas without creating awkward, run-on, senseless sentences?
Posted by John Shore on February 13, 2010 at 7:01 am
Amen to that, Emanden.
Posted by megan on February 24, 2010 at 1:02 pm
I use the semicolon, and I like to use it. I NEED to use it when I use the word whereas. Yes, many people have abandonned the introductory clause; whereas construction in favor of the introductory clause, whereas construction, but I want more than a momentary pause between clauses when I use whereas. I also like to use it with numbered lists.
As for apostrophes, yes I like those, too. I just wish people would learn to use them correctly. sigh.