Comments on: My Five Reasons For Not Having Children

By: Donald Rappe

Donald Rappe — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 01:30:29 +0000

I can’t justify my existence either. I now feel I should be grateful that I was called out of darkness into this marvelous light. I’ve done my share of procreation, but I don’t feel that justifies anything.

By: Donald Rappe

Donald Rappe — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:48:57 +0000

Awesome!

By: Erin D.

Erin D. — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:36:06 +0000

The only thing my very, very, VERY Catholic mother ever told me I could ignore about the Church’s teachings was “that whole birth-control thing.” If my very, very, VERY Catholic mother (with whom I have locked lady-antlers with on a multitude of other religious issues, so she is no lightweight) could tell me it was okay to decide if, when, and how many children to have, then I respect the right of everyone else to make their own decisions too.

By: Erica

Erica — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:31:53 +0000

I’ve only read two articles and I already love your site!

If you had given me this prompt, these would have been the exact points that I made as well! Though I’m sure I would have been no where near as eloquent as you. The only thing that makes me reconsider is, as an intelligent, rational person with an intelligent, rational partner, I almost feel a duty to put more people like ourselves into this world. I always think of the movie “Idiocracy” when I think along these tracks, and I’d really like for that to be prevented when human beings still have so much potential. There are so many crazies out there, what happens when there’s no one left to fight them? But then I think of the point you yourself brought up – since I am an atheist, after about 60-70 more years, I’m gone anyway, so if I don’t have children, I don’t really have to worry about it! They’re two conflicting viewpoints that war in me constantly (good thing I’m still too young to have kids anyway). I guess I’ll have to pick a winner within the next 10-15 years.

By: Allie

Allie — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 21:02:06 +0000

Okay, this is me sticking my tongue out at you for calling ME pessimistic, Mr. “Oh My Gosh the Earth is Doomed.”

(You have a point, though – according to literally every version of the story in every religion everywhere and also in science, this world is doomed. Jesus said that those with children would envy the barren in that day.)

Anyway. Just wanted to say God bless you for not having children you couldn’t afford. I made the same decision for the same reasons – in America, as a professional artist without health care, I can’t have children. I have a sister-in-law who has had to contemplate explaining to her children why Santa didn’t come to their house. I bailed her out, thankfully I had a big contract that year and was rolling, temporarily, in cash, and I was glad to be Santa for them. But I swore at the time that I would slit my own wrists before I would put a child of mine through the stress of being raised in financial fear.

And then by the time we were more financially stable, I had health problems which made pregnancy dangerous.

My husband and I have been foster parents, and I have to say that you would make an awesome foster parent. Unlike normal kids who need parents from sane backgrounds, foster kids need parents who understand what it is to be raped by your dad, kicked down a flight of stairs by mom, locked outside on Christmas morning because dad’s drunk and suddenly decided mom’s an adultress and you’re not his kid. Foster kids need parents with a high level of tolerance for insanity who don’t freak out when the kid steals from your purse, breaks your family heirloom, tries to seduce your best friend, attacks you with both fists, or steals the car and drives it to another state. They need someone who won’t say “I’m out of here, hope they put you in a hole somewhere and fill it in,” but will say, “I know all about doing stupid things because you feel crazy. I still love you, but you don’t get to do that. Here’s what we’re going to do, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.”

By: CMHValex

CMHValex — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:24:37 +0000

Thank you, John. I appreciate this. While I applaud and respect parents, I have no desire of my own to become one. My husband and I agree on this point. We arrived at this conclusion for several reasons: 1) we both get stressed out when we have responsibility for children, despite the fact that we both think children are adorable; 2) we have neither the energy nor the patience to go into the full-time job of parenting; 3) we would much rather relax and not have to worry about protecting a child, choosing instead to focus on ourselves and each other; 4) we both remember how difficult childhood was, even without specific points of trauma or bad parents; and 5) we simply don’t have the desire to procreate. We both have siblings and lots of nieces and nephews, so our family lines (mixed up as they are) will continue.
But still, every time we discuss this with someone, they tell us what a blessing parenting is. I’m sure it is. In fact, I know plenty of parents who are wonderful, loving, and overjoyed at having children. Like I said, I respect and applaud these people. But it’s not for me, or for my husband. We’ve been together for five years, married for three. We’ve thought long and hard about this and discussed it at length. We know what we want. But still, I constantly get the “you will change your mind” speech.

By: Shadsie

Shadsie — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 05:55:19 +0000

I can relate to these reasons. The artist one is very interesting! (I feel like I’m trying to justify my existence through art. Kind of failing at it so far…)

I hope too many people don’t ask you this question. It strikes me as rude. Couples don’t have kids either because of a medical issue or because they’ve made a decision. Both/either should be respected.

By: Diana A.

Diana A. — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 06:18:18 +0000

Yes indeed!

By: Mariah

Mariah — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 05:21:33 +0000

Everyone copes with a terrible past differently. My father probably should not have had children, but I can’t say I wish he didn’t, because I kinda like being here. He wasn’t a great dad but I do know he loved me, even if he is totally mentally ill and… we’ll not go there.

Anyway, I had a somewhat tumultuous, at times, upbringing, and it spurred me to be sure my children do not have that. I am dead set to provide the most stable, loving, caring, accepting, and positive home for my children as I can. I have two beautiful babies that I would lay down my life for without hesitation. It’s not for everyone- but parenthood is incredible! It’s not necessarily a healer, but it can be the last application of scar cream, to know you didn’t cycle that abuse one more time.

I totally respect anyone who decides against having children. It’s important to know yourself and to be able to make good decisions about things like your intent to procreate. Yay for people making informed decisions!

By: Mariah

Mariah — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 05:17:20 +0000

Ruby, I just want to say, as a mother of 2, I completely respect your decision. This ain’t easy, and if you’re not ridden with that burning desire to raise children, it seems to me that this is a lot of… everything?… to endure. Sure, it’s rewarding beyond words, but it’s just not for everyone. There is so much in this life that is rewarding & fulfilling, and we all have our own path to take. I don’t recall any Bible verses that taught us God demands we all procreate. I just want to say, I’m one mom who totally supports your decision, and anyone else who decides that child rearing is just not for them.

(This is not a personally embittered post. I LOVE my children, find nothing else in my life has ever compared and I doubt anything else ever will again, and I’m totally supportive of those who decide parenthood is for them, as well. For me, nothing else could be as fulfilling, but I’m not every person!)