After a frighteningly long operation and three days in the hospital my wife Cat and I have returned to our cozy and safe home. From the bottom of my heart let me again thank you for the prayers and love so many of you sent our way.
Cat’s well. She’s so well it’s almost bizarre. I’m actually jealous of how much energy she has. We returned home Thanksgiving night, and yesterday she spent hours in the kitchen cooking, took two long walks, accompanied me to Trader Joe’s and Staples, began decorating for Christmas, and did a bunch of other stuff I get exhausted just trying to remember.
Cat had to stay in the hospital an extra night because the doctors were concerned that she hadn’t yet shot around the room like a released balloon from all the gas passing out of her.
Hey. No one said being beautiful was pretty.
When they do major abdominal-area surgery on you, they fill you with carbon dioxide gas, which helps keeps your organs nice and fresh while they operate, or something. I dunno. But when they’re done playing the Organ Requiem on you, the doctors leave a bunch of that gas trapped inside your body. If you’re not a politician and so used to it, so much gas inside of you presents serious problems. It floats up to cause pain in your shoulders; it inhibits your breathing by pressing up hard against your lungs. Now you know why politicians always seem to be panting and shrugging.
Cat recycles; she takes reusable bags with her shopping. This is someone who cares about the environment.
“But what about my carbon footprint?” she said between gritted teeth. “What about the glaciers?”
“Just let ‘er rip, baby,” said the nurses. “Seriously. Or we’ll start putting a bunch of tubes in you.”
“But my husband’s right here in the room with me,” said Cat.
“I don’t mind!” I said. “I wanna see you shoot around the room!”
Finally Cat gave in. I believe several coastal communities along the Eastern Seaboard were flooded later that night.
As I peeled Cat off the ceiling, I said, “See? That wasn’t so bad.”
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, but what a glorious sound it is, when the angels trump their tribute to the designs of God.
Now Cat’s home and healing. I only hope I can keep up with her while she convalesces.
(Photo of angel trumpeting God’s victory over death snagged off the completely interesting-looking site Curios Expeditions.)
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Posted by wickle on November 28, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I don’t know what to say, so … I’m glad she’s well. Thanks for sharing your wit and life, John!
Posted by Judy on November 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I’m glad Cat is doing so well. I can’t believe she is up for all the cooking and walking. Wow! I think she may be well enough to clobber you for the gas story, too!
Posted by Nathan on November 29, 2009 at 12:10 am
LOL!
Nice metaphor. Handel’s Messiah will never again sound the same.
Posted by textjunkie on November 29, 2009 at 8:19 am
hee hee hee!! Yup, I’ve known a bunch of people who got abdominal surgery and it’s that waiting for breaking wind that is so tense and at the same time so funny…
I’m glad she is home, well, back on her feet and wearing you out with her energy!!
Posted by Greta Sheppard on November 29, 2009 at 10:33 am
ah, yes…..the sound of wind…..been there done that……Cat is well and that is so wonderful….it’s you I worry about, John…(no, not really…just kidding)……it’s the fact that men don’t handle pain and all that stuff that we women get used to…! Cat will be better then ever now….we prayed and God heard…!
Posted by ~Julia~ on November 29, 2009 at 10:45 am
Glad Cat is recovering well.
Posted by Richard Lubbers on November 29, 2009 at 11:54 am
Thanks for the concerto. I assume Cat is used to you posting her very personal experiences for our edification. Tell her “thank you” for us all. Laughter is so good for the soul!
We’re so happy she is well.
Posted by Latoya on November 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Happy thanksgiving!!! There is much to be thankful for
Posted by Stuart on November 29, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Cat is lucky she was able to let the gas out that way, in certain cases the air has no significant escape route and so moves around the body, getting up as far as the shoulders. That is painful, so I am reliably informed. The gas eventually dissipates over 2 – 3 days.
Great to hear things are well with you and that the prayers were more than answered.
Posted by Lynn on November 30, 2009 at 6:42 am
Ohhh nooo John…lol. Yes, praise the Lord for His answers to our prayers! Speaking from my former nursing background, please suggest to Cat that she rests well throughout the day…so her body can economize the energy that is returning and be put towards the cells, tissues and overall healing process. Thanks so much for sharing your wit with us.
Posted by skerrib on November 30, 2009 at 11:13 am
Fart stories make me giggle. Hee hee.
Posted by mm on December 1, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I’m very happy to hear that Cat is doing well.
Re: Post abdominal surgery stories. A few years back I had to have an anglinal hernia repair. I herniated a stomach muscle through my wolfian duct(which is very common in men) and after the surgery they told me to take stool softeners to help get things normal again. Well I decided to take about half a bottle of them,within hours after the surgery. Despite those pills, I still did not bm for a full two days after the surgery
The next day after the surgery, I had to attend to business and since I didn’t have a car it meant I had to take the subway to get to what I needed to do. When on the subway car, I couldn’t help it and farted. I watched, as the entire subway car slowly had a look of complete and utter shock hit their faces as they had to smell what just escaped my body slowly fill the entire train car. Three stops in the passengers were still greeted with my stench.
Later that day, I experienced a similar situation at my apartment. Again, I was afraid to clench and just let one rip unfortunately. My girlfriend sitting next to me immediately admonished me for the wrench of sewage that left my body, but it took a full three minutes for my roommate sitting across the room to shout out “Oh god” as the the stench wafted across the living room.
Posted by Timothy Fowler on December 4, 2009 at 11:24 am
Psalm 104:4