I join with many past and future Miss America wannabes in declaring that I, too, desire world peace. I would love world peace. My God Jesus Christ is called The Prince of Peace. So that proves, right there, that I’m all in for peace.
I guess the biggest thing getting in the way of world peace is religion. If everyone was the same religion, world peace could probably actually happen.
But people are definitely not the same religion. So that’s a problem.
It’s those stupid Muslims! The problem with Muslims is that they think their God is the one true God. It’s insane. And what makes it tripley insane is that no Muslim will be really happy until everyone else in the world is Muslim. It’s an important part of their faith! They’re absolutely convinced that God’s plan is for everyone in the world to become Muslim—or suffer the terrible consequences!
What can you do with maniacs like that? How is it not so obvious to them that God’s plan is for everyone in the world to become Christian—or suffer the terrible consequences! We know that’s true! It’s an important part of our faith!
Those people are just so very, very stubborn.
Well, with regards to realizing world peace—which, again, I really, really want to see happen; I almost feel like Jesus commanded all of his followers to do their darndest to help make it happen—we’ve very definitely got ourselves a conundrum here. Because the bottom line is that we Christians won’t be happy until all the Muslims in the world are Christian, and the Muslims won’t be happy until all the Christians in the world are Muslim.
And all of the people who aren’t either one of those two religions probably isn’t going to be all that keen to give up whatever religion they are, either.
Plus, there’s two different kinds of Christians. Over half of the Christians in the world are Catholic! There’s over one billion of them!
So I guess all the Miss America contestants should really come up with a less impossible goal than world peace. I guess Peace on Earth can’t possibly happen until the end of time, when all that stuff that’s supposed to happen at the End Times finally does. I guess until then death and mayhem based on religious differences will continue to be the norm.
Bummer.
Wouldn’t it be great to experience Peace on Earth right here during Today Times? But I guess all the Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, atheists and whatever else are just too ignorant to ever let that happen.
You’d think God would have made it so that everyone believed in the right religion, wouldn’t you? How easy it would have been for God to have everyone naturally agree on worshiping the right version of him!
But I guess God had other ideas. I guess he wanted to give us free will, instead. I guess he wanted us to have hearts that were free and open to all the emotions of the human experience.
As for our brains? I have no idea what he thought we were going to do with those.
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Posted by Jill Seminaris on January 6, 2010 at 6:10 am
LMAO!!!! I wonder if anyone will “get” the tone here isn’t meant to be completely serious. I thought this was fabulously written, and actually humorous. Loved the last line about having no idea what God thought we’d do with our brains!
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 6:12 am
Jill: Yeah, you know how it is. Some will get it. Some really, really won’t. Thanks for sharing that you do.
Posted by odgie on January 6, 2010 at 6:44 am
For the new year, a new John Shore with 50% more satire. It takes some getting used to, but I like it.
Posted by Dan Smith on January 6, 2010 at 6:54 am
Your post this morning proved to me that I have no sense of humor or irony! Sometimes I find myself really frustrating. I think I get it, and assuming I do, then I liked your post. If I missed the point, then…well, shoot, this can’t be what God wanted me to do with my brain!
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 7:03 am
Odgie: Well, you know: I get more or less sarcastic, sometimes, depending on the relationship between what I want to say and how much I dare to say it directly. But you knew that.
Dan: Funny!!
Posted by James on January 6, 2010 at 7:13 am
Very well written, and I loved reading it! To be honest, I agree with MOST of what you say. The part I don’t agree with doesn’t really matter. And if Christians could understand that, we’d at least get along with each other. (Another pipe dream)
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 7:17 am
James: You’re right. If Christians could only understand that the part of my post you disagree with doesn’t matter, we’d all get along better together. (Har! I still got it! And no, it didn’t come with a receipt.)
Posted by Janelle on January 6, 2010 at 7:29 am
Is tripley really a word?
Peace
Posted by Tommy on January 6, 2010 at 7:30 am
you may have caused me to love christian writers again.
Posted by Frank Frey on January 6, 2010 at 8:08 am
John,
Reading your posts is a hoot. You are spot on! Thanks and I really appreciate your sense of humor. Keep it up.
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 8:35 am
Janelle: I’m going to go with no.
Tommy: Oh, no! NOT THAT!!! (Thank you, sincerely.)
Frank: THANK YOU! Very kind of you.
Posted by ric booth on January 6, 2010 at 9:50 am
I’m thinkin’ of all the people who might be quietly reading this going, “Right ON!” Kinda scary. I should use my brain to imagine prettier things.
Posted by Redlefty (Michael) on January 6, 2010 at 10:39 am
Instead of “tripley”, I’ve always liked “thrice”.
In fact, in my late teen years I joined a bowling league with my buddies. Our team name was “Spankmethrice”.
And our league was Sunday afternoons, which everybody knows is the Lord’s day. Ah, the boldness of youth.
Now in my later years I understand that you don’t bowl on Sundays, you don’t wear shorts to church, and you don’t talk nice to people in turbans.
Posted by cliff on January 6, 2010 at 10:47 am
Enjoyed this so much I would like to use it for my post today. Will linkback to ya after first couple sentences. Hope ya get lotsa hits.
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 11:00 am
I used the non-word “tripely” right there because I thought it funny/right to, while describing how stupid/insane OTHER people are, use a word that isn’t even a word.
Posted by stephanie on January 6, 2010 at 11:05 am
Loved it.
Posted by Monica on January 6, 2010 at 11:19 am
A couple of times a week, when my husband gets home from work, we snuggle on the couch and read your blog. Sometimes we go back and read the archives. It gives us something to talk about besides our foster kids. That’s the “how was your day?” portion of couch time.
Now it’s time for a confession:
Sometimes I read it before he gets home. I just can’t help myself and I really appreciate the laugh. It’s distracting me from the fact that my current three year old is now blowing spit bubbles onto my couch cushions through a straw.
I think I need more bloggers like you in my life.
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 11:28 am
Monica: Holy cow! Well, I can tell you, I DEFINITELY need more readers like you and your husband. A great thanks to you both.
All of you guys are being terrific to me. Thank you so much. I think pretty seriously about STOPPING writing this blog all of the time; readers like you guys help me stay at it.
Posted by skerrib on January 6, 2010 at 11:38 am
Awww, where are the angry comments?? I thought for sure there’d be at least someone who would try to skewer you for this post. Or who would agree wholeheartedly, like Ric mentioned. I hope some of those stubborn people listen to you and change to be more like us awesomely awesome people.
Monica–Right there with you. My 3 year old is currently in the kitchen, probably trying to swipe some candy.
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 11:40 am
Yeah, right? I was prepared to get FILLETED for this one. I didn’t even post it on Crosswalk.
Hippies. All my readers are freakin hippies.
Posted by wickle on January 6, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I’m glad that someone else sees it!
The only real problem is that people don’t believe me when I tell them what they should do. If everyone would just do what I said, we’d have world peace.
(Well, except for you, of course, our Most Exalted Illustrious Potentate.)
I was on bowling teams. For three years in high school, we never even named our team. We wound up being called “Generic Team,” “Generic Brand,” and “The Bowlers” because the coach refused to leave us un-named and thought that such names might motivate us to come up with a real name.
Rather, my teammates and I wore black and white stripes … Did I mention that the coach’s son was on my team? Oh, well …
Posted by Dennis Dawson on January 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Hey, I’m all for world peace. I don’t have an afterlife to look forward to, so this is the only world I’m ever going to get. I prefer it to be peaceful and quiet.
Which is why I’m taking my garden hose out front to get all those Krishnagnostichristiamuslindujews* off my lawn.
-D
*patent pending
Posted by Christine on January 6, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Hold the phone…NO ONE has retorted angrily to this post….that has to be a first!!!
Well, I would just like to say that I am very upset because how could you possibly imply that Muslims have the same goals in life as Christians? That is demeaning and….oh screw it I really can’t come up with anything.
Made me laugh but didn’t want you feeling bereft that no one had got angry Johnny, so I filled the space
Posted by Janelle on January 6, 2010 at 4:16 pm
FYI, I mentioned “tripely” because I thought it was such a funny word to use, for the reasons you explained, John. In fact, it was a GAZILLION times funnier than any normal word you could have picked. Anyway, enjoyed the post as I always do, John. Blessings on your new year.
Posted by John Shore on January 6, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Yes, Janelle: I did think you asked about that word as a nod to how … well, funny it was. I should have made that more clear in my response to you. Thanks for checking in about it—and for the kind words generally.
Wickle, Dennis, Christine; you guys are KILLING me with your Major Humor!!! Man, I keep funny company here. Thank God.
Posted by Christine on January 6, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Dennis: let me know when the patent comes through cos until then I am so using Krishnagnostichristiamuslindujews free of charge
Posted by asad123 on January 6, 2010 at 6:10 pm
I’m a Muslim and I think you’re hilarious. It may seem like today Muslims want all Christians to embrace Islam. The funny thing is that there was a time when Muslims were scared that Christians were converting to Islam too fast. Muslim rulers collected a head tax from non-Muslim residents, who in return, were excluded from military service. The sultans and emirs were worried about losing a large chunk of revenue.
Posted by wickle on January 6, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Funny freakin hippies.
That’s us!
Posted by textjunkie on January 6, 2010 at 10:18 pm
::snort:: LMAO… Particularly the last line!!
Posted by Richard Lubbers on January 7, 2010 at 7:01 am
One of the problems with the great commision is that many Christians try to take it to far. If we would do what we were instructed to do, we would be nothing more than sowers of seed. Too many Christians also try to be the angels of God at the harvest. They want to pass judgement on those who don’t receive the word and believe.
So let’s tell the world that the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame walk, the dead are raised up, and the poor have the good news spoken to them. Then let’s be about the Father’s business of loving our neighbors. He will bring about the harvest in His time.
I know this will infuriate some Muslims, but Jesus died for Mohammed too. This might irritate some Buddhists, but Jesus died for Siddhārtha Gautama too. And on and on . . . .
Thing is, if people from those faiths don’t want to believe in Jesus, that’s between them and God. We don’t need to kill them for it. Heaven forbid! Christians, take your seed bag and move on!
Posted by Richard Lubbers on January 7, 2010 at 7:05 am
Oh yeah, and the brain thing. Very funny! Like Woody Allen said, “My brain? Why, it’s my second favorite organ!”
We’re made in the image of God? He has to be hilarious!
Posted by John Shore on January 7, 2010 at 7:07 am
Richard: Great comment! But with regards to your final exhortation: to WHERE are Christians to move on? And why?
Posted by Richard Lubbers on January 7, 2010 at 7:37 pm
C’mon John. You’re baiting me, right?
We move on to new ground and leave God to bring the harvest. We can’t stay and gripe about the soil that doesn’t produce fruit.
Any way, what I was trying to say is that we shouldn’t get caught up in the dangerous game of “convert or die” that Christians (yes, Christians) of the past have played (and you thought that only radical Muslims enjoyed this sport! – Bad Christian!).
Speak the word. Nurture those who receive it and believe. Care for those who don’t. It’s not our job to convert. Our job is to share. And some day a person with whom you shared will lock himself in a closet and have a real “Come to Jesus” meeting. It’s happened before, and Christendom has not been the same since!
Posted by John Shore on January 7, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Beautifully said, Richard. (My book “I’m OK-You’re Not” is exactly about the point you’ve made here, about the proper relationship between … well, as I framed it, the Great Commission and the Great Commandment.)
Posted by wickle on January 8, 2010 at 3:49 am
“We’re made in the image of God? He has to be hilarious!”
You want proof that God has a sense of humor? Look at the platypus. I mean, if that isn’t an example of comedic genius at work, I don’t know what is!
Posted by Richard Lubbers on January 8, 2010 at 5:56 am
I agree with you, winkle! That is hilarious!
Thanks John. It really strokes my ego when a writer of such renown comments that MY writing is “beautifully said”! I guess if I acknowledge that I have an ego, I can’t be enlightened. Yay! I’m not an ASS!
Oops. I just gloated. Mea culpa. Pardon me while I go whip myself.
Posted by theskinhorse on January 8, 2010 at 7:15 pm
This post is so completely awesome. I dig.
Posted by Karen Holmberg-Smith on January 9, 2010 at 5:18 pm
I think that Miss America contestants come up with World Peace for their wish, because anything else they might name would seem selfish, like: abolishment of cellulite, permanently dark and well-curled eyelashes, truly delicious non-calorie chocolate.
Oh, and doesn’t tripely have something to do with cow stomachs?
Posted by c cooper on February 11, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Came across your post whilst looking for a T-shirt (“I’d be nicer if you weren’t so stupid”); LOVED it, thought you might become the very first blog I follow. One problem, though: reading the comments, I get the idea you’re (ulp!) Christian? Big problem. I can’t stand Christians — they have absolutely no freakin sense of humor about themselves.
Posted by John Shore on February 11, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Well. look around the blog some more, and let me know if you end up finding me followable. That’d be fun to know.
Posted by Christine on February 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm
no freakin sense of humour….I knew there was something wrong with me!!!!
Posted by andy on February 12, 2010 at 8:48 pm
wow. i don’t see what’s so profound about this. it does however seem that you are writing under some naive presumptions. for one, when in the history of mankind has world peace existed?…….doing the historical math, when has the known world been even close to achieving it? never, if you were actually wondering. it’s not possible. it’s not a solution that can be reached when human nature is in the equation. and as i mentioned, it’s impossible because of a sickly human nature, regardless of religion. if there was no such thing as religion, we still would be no closer to achieving world peace.
secondly, where is all of this evidence of christians forcibly or violently promoting their faith? stop being disingenuous everybody. are there all sorts of phony christians in the world that misrepresent god in myriad ways? of course. but i challenge anyone here to provide specific, verifiable examples of christians violently forcing their faith on others. please don’t mention the spread of christianity throughout the middle ages etc. a cursory look at european history reveals that christianity and violence mixed was a product of an nasty mix of religion and secular authority. there is nothing intrinsic in biblical scripture that sanctions violence against others in the name of christ, and there is no call to deal violently with those that refuse to accept christ. any interpretation that results thusly is simply wrong. the same cannot be said of islam. despite all the efforts by non-muslim islamo-apologists to twist the insane ramblings of mohammad into some coherent message of peace and tolerance, an intellectually honest consideration of his words reveals that the basis for islamic ideology is one of violence. in other words, there is a call to violence intrinsic in islamic scripture.
the original post here, and seemingly all of the responses appear to be perpetuating the myth that people would naturally just get along if it wasn’t for the divisiveness of religion. again, lousy presumptions on two accounts.
personally, i’ll continue to live a life where i seek to please god and know his will, sharing the hope of eternal life in christ alone, when opportunities for such sharing are laid before me. i’ll also happily not delude myself by repeating the mantra that there are innumerable paths to union with the one god, and that adherence to the idea that there is actually only one path is the greatest obstacle in the way of realizing sophomoric diversions such as world peace, or anything close to it. the world is full of awful people. you can live in love without setting yourself up to be a victim because of a denial of the realities of human nature.
Posted by John Shore on February 12, 2010 at 9:41 pm
Wow. So you’re like one of those very rare people who can’t clap to a beat—who really and truly have no sense of rhythm. Only you’re like that with humor, I guess. Apparently.
Posted by ric booth on February 13, 2010 at 8:22 am
I say this one last night I the only thing I could think of was, “andy walks with me andy talks with me …” I know, dumb comment.
Posted by John Shore on February 13, 2010 at 8:25 am
Oh, MAN! I was going to answer, “Yeah, Ric,” but I figured there was no way you’d see that!! Man. Missed chance for the mondo humor!
Posted by A pissed of muslim on February 18, 2010 at 5:57 pm
I have seen a lot stupid people in my life but you definitely top the list. What an idiot you are! Write a topic about peace and start by insulting anybody who don’t agree with you. Are you for real?You are just a joke!
Posted by John Shore on February 18, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Calm down. Read it again. It’s humor.
Posted by cadoah on February 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm
“A pissed off muslim”…. calm down, he was only being ironic… it was supposed to be funny…
Posted by John Shore on February 23, 2010 at 6:21 am
Yeah, right? I get that a lot: people quickly scan a post, and then get all upset about what they think I said. Thanks for your defense.
Posted by Rufus McDufus on April 21, 2010 at 3:29 am
Don’t forget that the conquista slaughtered millions upon millions of native american indians, partly in the name of christianity. Modern Christianity is much better that that but Evil is perpetrated in the name of almost every religion (possibly with the exception of Buddhism and Jainism)
The cardinal flaws of most religions are dogma and fanaticism. The principles of world peace require total freedom of intellectual thought and moral clarity thad are sadly inconsistent with the rigid faith based and easily corrupted doctorines of religions such as Islam, Judaism and Christianity. I believe in God, but I leave it at that: I don’t let any form of doctorine in.
Piggy back human greed, arrogance and lust for power on top of that and you get the potent mix that is the foundation of all major conflicts.