Yesterday I received an email from Dr. Warren Throckmorton, a fellow blogger on the Christian website Crosswalk.com. Last year Dr. Throckmorton founded an initiative called “The Golden Rule Pledge.”
This April 16th, students in middle schools through colleges across the country will be participating in the 14th annual Day of Silence, wherein they will not only stop talking for the day, but will also be handing out cards reading:
Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence (DOS), a national youth movement bringing attention to the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by anti-LGBT bullying, name-calling and harassment. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward building awareness and making a commitment to address these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today.
Many conservative Christian parents will respond to the DOS by keeping their teens home from school.
Instead of staying home, Dr. Throckmorton would like conservative Christian teens to go to school, and, when handed one of the DOS cards, hand back a card of their own. That card would be his “The Golden Rule Pledge” card, upon which is printed this:
This is what I’m doing. The Golden Rule. I pledge to treat others the way I want to be treated. “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)
Dr. Throckmorton wrote me to ask if I “recommend” his GRP card and initiative. In response I sent him this:
Hi, Warren. I certainly appreciate you asking me about this, but I’m afraid that [handing out your GRP card] is just not something that I personally would recommend. The (too blunt, I’m afraid: forgive me!) truth is, if I were gay, that card would piss me off, insofar as I would understand it as both condescending and a lie. I would know that the Christian offering it to me does not, in fact, extend to me the same respect he certainly wants for himself (making it a lie), and that without question he feels that he is morally superior to me [making it condescending]. If I were gay, I would much rather have a Christian classmate of mine stay home than hand me one of those cards. I don’t think it’s possible for those cards to do anything but further divide gays and Christians. But … no offense to you personally! I certainly appreciate what you’re trying to do.”
I then sent him a follow-up email to say that, if he’d liked, I’d post on my blog … well, all of the above, as a means of presenting the matter to my four or five readers, and perhaps thereby discovering their thoughts on it. (“I think a lot of them probably would like the idea,” I wrote.) If you have anything to say about the DOS, or his proposed response to it, Dr. Throckmorton is listening.
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Just out: UNFAIR: Why the “Christian” View of Gays Doesn’t Work (softcover edition; Kindle edition; NookBook edition). You’re invited to check out my Facebook page, and my group Unfundamentalist Christians, the motto of which is “Above all, love.”
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Thank you for putting this up. I also have something to recommend to you and it is perfect for Christian teens. I have read it just a few days ago and loved it. Try to pick up "The Young Reader’s Guide to Understanding the Bible" at http://tinyurl.com/tyrgtutb . It is perfect for those who are on their way to better understanding the Bible
John, as an ex-fundamentalist Christian (any intellectual option not orientation), I think Warren’s endeavour has the opportunity to make conservative Christians less intolerant and less hypocritical. Therefore it should be encouraged.
The magnitude of ‘less’ will depend on the how honest the said conservative Christians are in rebuking and standing up to homophobic insults in the future. In all probability, less will be substantially equivalent to nothing and, added to the insult implicit in the cards themelves, will be worse than nothing.
Part of the problem is that people in the ‘in group’ (the one with the greatest social standing) do not recognise the bigotry they are perpetuating or its significance. However, people in minorities are very much aware of it – feel it and recognise it for what it is. (http://www.aelc.edu.au/article/the-internal-racist-part-4.html) As a consequence, the majority group do not feel the same acute bigotry as the minority. In fact, they can completely fail to recognise it at all while it creates a toxic environment for the minority.
Group hug!
Kara, dont give up on your dream.
My step daughter for many years dreamed of entering the military, but too many physical limitations (she has Turner Syndrome) prevents a career there. But it has not stopped her determination to be all she can be. She applied every ounce of herself all through high school, absolutely refusing any grade below an A. She is in the top three in her class and has earned the Dean’s Scholarship to one of the more prestigious colleges in this area with a shot at the President’s Scholarship, which will give her a free ride. She will be studying law. Not only am I proud of her I have no doubt she will be blazing a trail over that bridge.
For I see, Kara, Anita, I believe the bridge as under construction. Do I think some inroads have been made? Oh yes, I do. Yet, I see this as a long and uphill battle. There is way too much archiac beliefs, ignorance and paranoia that must be addresssed and healed. Many will vehemently resist any change and will do their damndest to reinforce the baricades. Christianity as a whole is going to have to change dramatically. That is one big battle as just the comments on this thread have demonstrated.
I see hope in the life of my daughter and in folks like you, Kara and Anita. My daughter has one epic battle out there to face. I am proud of her and I fear for her. There is way too much paranoid prejuduces that she will be the target of. Yet I know she will be strong and will take care of herself.
She, as is all our children are and will be the bridge builders. I fear for them, I support them, yet I am proud of them. The world they will build will be magnificent.
We ARE getting there. One child at a time.
I just wish the battles and the bridges were already well behind us and not have to be fought by our children.
And I hope I am still alive when our children do bring in that glorious world.
Thanks for listening.
Oh and need I even add that where my previous post said Gid it was suppose to be God? just fat fingers on an iPhone and not another name for the Almighty.
Kara, I wish I could believe the bridge has a chance. I really do. I see little hopeful steps now and again. But then you see the baricade builders scream at any attempt at a bridge and throw more bricks to secure the divide. I want to belive the chasm can be bridged, but I just dont see it happening. And now that I have a gay step daughter entering into college this year, I fear the bricks that may be flung at her. She has enough scars, I dont want any Christians causing more.
I understand so much it isn’t even funny.
My life’s dream is to join the Air Force. But I’m gay, so I don’t know if that will even be an option for me when I graduate. They’re debating my equality in the Senate. Barricade builders are screaming for them to say I’m not good enough to serve, just because I’m gay. I know the hurt and the hopelessness.
But I also believe minds are changing. I believe that because I’ve seen it in my life. I honestly believe that people like Laurie Higgins and her “family institute” are fast headed toward political irrelevance. I honestly believe that those who want to deny us civil equality are headed to the same historical resting place with those who wanted to deny equality based on race and gender. Mainstream Christianity was on the wrong side of those debates too.
Christianity at is core is about they having God while the rest of us dont. That is one massive difference and a gigantic disconnect when it comes to bridge buliding. It flavors everything when Christianity views the non-Christian. Christians cant help it, it is what they believe. I’m afraid Christianty would emplod before it would change how it views non-Christians and gays.
For some, that may be what it’s about. For me, it’s about having found the spiritual path that fulfills me. I hope everyone finds the spiritual path that fulfills them.
But then again, I am quite an outlier on this issue. You’re right, with regard to the average mainstream Christian. And I know firsthand that it’s miserable to be a target of their disdain. But it’ll still probably sound trite when I say that time can change things. The church has opened on gender and race. They’ve softened on issues of internal debate. They’re slowly starting to move toward respecting gays. I really believe that in time, movements in support of what John talks about in I’m Okay, You’re Not will take root in the Church. I really believe that someday we will be more concerned about loving our neighbor as ourselves than trying to convert them.
I’m an optimist, I guess.
Leave it to me to come late to the party…
Julia said, "Kara, I wish I could believe the bridge has a chance. I really do. I see little hopeful steps now and again. But then you see the baricade builders scream at any attempt at a bridge and throw more bricks to secure the divide. I want to belive the chasm can be bridged, but I just dont see it happening. And now that I have a gay step daughter entering into college this year, I fear the bricks that may be flung at her. She has enough scars, I dont want any Christians causing more."
Julia, so there goes the saying that NOTHING is impossible with God and so therewithin lies my hope as a Christian in faith and an ever-so gay in sexual orientation. If Gid could build a bridge in MY life in my own journey of reconciliation then building a bridge that will bring us all together in mutual love and respect seems a cakewalk. Like others I'm committed to that being accomplished. The bridge HAS been built…..the only question is whether everyone will choose to crossover. On that I would say, probably not.
No prob, Kara.
Theology is not “used” as “an excuse” for me. It is an expression of what I believe the Bible teaches me. I wish I could see it differently but if I am intellectually honest about it, I can’t. Your characterization of those who disagree with you about what the Bible teaches on sexuality seems to me as off the mark as those who say that gays use their interpretation of the Bible to excuse their behavior. You seem to regard my beliefs as something I could just change if I were more accepting of you.
Didn’t say it was, and don’t think it is. And I never said nor implied that someone couldn’t respect me while believing being gay was sinful. I implied that I could not fathom a universe where under the current social setup – where gays are already stigmatized and easy targets without a theological disagreement – straight Christian teenagers, as a group, would respect me.
This is largely anecdotal. It’s largely based off my experiences with Christian teenagers both as a teen myself and since then. I never said it wasn’t possible. I said it wasn’t likely. I’ll stand by that. But I didn’t make value judgments about you, or about the possibility of respect from any individual. Just the likelihood of respect from a certain group.
But apparently you do think my theology is used as an excuse for failure to respect you. And you think that with the only evidence that I think believe something different than you do. I can say that I don’t think that I am better than you but you don’t believe me because of the theology which you say I am using as an excuse. At least this is what I am getting out of what you have written.
I think your theology is used that way in many cases, yes. That doesn’t mean I think you do that. If you did use it as an excuse to disrespect me, then I wouldn’t believe you. But it would be because you proved yourself false, not specifically because of your theology.
I don’t think believing gayness is sin is morally wrong. I think it leads a ton of people to do morally wrong things. But I never said or meant to say anything about you, Dr. Warren. I like you. I really like what you’re trying to do. I’m just dubious about how well it will work on Christian teens in today’s environment. That’s all.
Julia- I have to go to church now (I’m already running late) but I really want to reply to you when I get home. I’m not ignoring your comment.
John:”I really reject that blanket pessimism, Julia. You clearly don’t know the same kinds of Christians I do. ”
I’m afraid I dont. I dont see the Christians you know, John. I dont see them, I dont hear them. Where all y’all? Why are you so few?
Kara, I wish I could believe the bridge has a chance. I really do. I see little hopeful steps now and again. But then you see the baricade builders scream at any attempt at a bridge and throw more bricks to secure the divide. I want to belive the chasm can be bridged, but I just dont see it happening. And now that I have a gay step daughter entering into college this year, I fear the bricks that may be flung at her. She has enough scars, I dont want any Christians causing more.
Christianity at is core is about they having God while the rest of us dont. That is one massive difference and a gigantic disconnect when it comes to bridge buliding. It flavors everything when Christianity views the non-Christian. Christians cant help it, it is what they believe. I’m afraid Christianty would emplod before it would change how it views non-Christians and gays.
Dont get me wrong. I applaud any Christian willing to try and build that bridge.
I just wish there were more of them.
Alas, they seem to be a vastly outnumbered minority.
Julia: I get you. Given the way that respect is defined by Kara and John, I would be pessimistic as well.
Kara said:
Theology is not “used” as “an excuse” for me. It is an expression of what I believe the Bible teaches me. I wish I could see it differently but if I am intellectually honest about it, I can’t. Your characterization of those who disagree with you about what the Bible teaches on sexuality seems to me as off the mark as those who say that gays use their interpretation of the Bible to excuse their behavior. You seem to regard my beliefs as something I could just change if I were more accepting of you.
You then said:
But apparently you do think my theology is used as an excuse for failure to respect you. And you think that with the only evidence that I think believe something different than you do. I can say that I don’t think that I am better than you but you don’t believe me because of the theology which you say I am using as an excuse. At least this is what I am getting out of what you have written.
I dunno if I’d be willing to extrapolate from the specific to the more general, in this case. I’m a pessimist about Christian teenagers respecting gay people while still believing homosexuality is an affront to God. I’m less pessimistic about the prospect of Christians in general being able to respect non-Christians in general. Because I like to think that I do, anyways. I don’t think I’m better than them in any way, shape, form, etc. I don’t think that they’re ignorant or crazy or illogical for not believing the spiritual things I do. I know non-Christians who are so much better at living how I wish I lived that it’s not even funny.
I’d have faith in Christian teens’ ability to respect me if they didn’t think of my gayness as a deficiency to be glossed over or worked around. I don’t view people of other faiths as having a deficiency to be glossed over or worked around.
The bridge has a chance to reach both gays and non-Christians. It’s just a matter of whether or not Christians are willing to come to a place where we truly believe that we are not superior to them; whether we’re willing to reexamine how much of what we do is of God, and how much is tradition created by flawed human beings.
Beautiful post, Kara.
You said: ” But the real point is that it’s extremely unlikely that they will fully respect me while they can continue use their theology as an excuse not to.”
And that is why the bridge will never have a chance.
And not just between Christians and gays, but between Christians and all non-Christians.
I just dont see it happening. Christians will simp;y refuse to respect, refuse to accept, refuse to honor anyone who is not like them. If they did, then it would no longer be Christianity.
And thus the chasm remains….
I really reject that blanket pessimism, Julia. You clearly don’t know the same kinds of Christians I do.
Well; somethings up then. I know some sweet, good natured Christians. But I know ALOT of sour and mean ones. The sour and mean ones I have met are VERY cruel to people who do not believe their points of views, they have tried to force them onto my brother, and when he didn’t accept it, and told them to leave him be, they basically called him a satanist and was band from their church for being too different from the rest of them. ( He only went because he loved a girl there, and because we had a cousin going who he was close to. )
What I’m saying is, while there are good Christians, there are many that will never accept someone different from them who do not live as they do. This might sound rude on my behalf, but it is the truth, I think Christians just.. can’t see anymore, how cruel they can be, because they believe they are the only ones right, and those who say other wise, are not.
Though, all religion is like this, so I think that’s why I refuse to follow any.
No….actually, I’m not saying that.
Anyway, I’m done with this. Again. But, of course, anyone who cares to carry on is more than welcome to.
If you really wanted to show full respect to gays, and to fully “honor” them, you’d be advocating those kids hand out cards that say, “I reject the idea that God has any problem whatsoever with homosexuality.”
By saying this, John, you’re saying the only way you can fully respect a person is to agree with them. I’m sorry. I respect you, but I don’t agree with you on this point.
Becky
ric booth wrote:
Ric – Why do you think your hope is not part of the intent? It certainly is.
John – Sounds like you are saying that people who believe certain sexuals behavior are sin have no ability to follow the Golden Rule when it comes to people who believe those sexual behaviors are not sin. Is that right?
Here's what I think John is saying, although I obviously don't speak for him:
All other things being equal, the vast majority of Christians think that a monogamous-for-life straight person is morally superior to a monogamous-for-life gay person. So it's not about saying "you can't respect me unless you agree with me," it's about saying "you can't respect me while you still think a world would be morally superior if there were no gays in it".
I never did, and still never have, met a straight Christian teenager who fully respected any gay people. The nicest of them viewed gay people as projects, or as objects of pity. The rest reserved "faggot" as their most cutting insult. My experience may not be universal, but I know it's not worse than average, at least among the experiences of my gay friends.
Christian teens are usually worse, is the reality. What they could be is really a moot point, in a lot of ways. We can talk about whether or not they could respect me while believing that my day-to-day life is an abomination to God. But the real point is that it's extremely unlikely that they will fully respect me while they can continue use their theology as an excuse not to.
Yeah, baby.
Obviously, I profoundly disagree with you: I say the Christians who hand out those cards DON’T fully (and that’s really the key) respect and honor LGBT people, because with every fiber of their being they feel morally superior to them. It’s exactly that simple.
But I certainly appreciate your forbearance with me on this, Warren. You’ve been great.
Perhaps the next generation will attempt to live out the GR more if they are enlisted into this card campaign. Perhaps, by reading the card and handing it out, the words will start to sink into the minds and hearts of the young people hand them out. I don't think this is the intent but it may become a side effect.
By asking youth to hand out this GRP card, we are challenging them to live out the GRP. This will cause them to think and, no doubt, rethink how the world and the church treat gays, because kids KNOW they do not want that same treatment for themselves.
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