I don’t know much about much, but after nearly thirty years of being married, I’m confident of these ten things any man can do to make himself a much better husband.
1. Embrace your wrongness. In the course of disagreeing with our wives, what many of we men fail to realize is that, invariably, we’re wrong. We just are. We’re trying to be right — but failing. We can’t help it. It’s the nature of things. Men are bigger, hairier, stronger, and wronger. It’s a fact we should just get used to. God knows our wives have.
2. Stop fidgeting while your wife’s talking to you. It really is rude — and you know it. If you don’t stop doing that, then one day, when your wife starts talking to you about her day, you’re going to start distractedly fiddling with the remote control, your cell phone, or something else, and she’s going to suddenly shriek and stab you with a fork.
3. Remember that your tone does too matter. You know how in arguments with your wife, you keep thinking that if she would just focus on what you’re saying, instead of on how you’re saying it, then she’d see how right you are? Yeah, that’s never going to happen. She needs to know you still love her as you’re yelling at her. Women are funny like that.
4. Actually have opinions. Women like men who are clear on what they think, and why they think it. Men, though, enjoy ever waffling. Well, waffles are for kids. Stop it. Commit to thoughts, ideas, and decisions. Sure, you’ll be wrong about whatever it is you decide to think. But you’ll be attractively wrong. Wrong, but studly. That’s the American way.
5. Give her presents. Women love to receive gifts. But men don’t like to give gifts, because doing so takes time, money and trouble. Plus, you can never really figure out what to give a woman anyway — and the idea that you have to give, say, a Valentine’s Day gift, automatically invalidates the very reason people are supposed to give spontaneous gifts of love in the first place, which actually makes such gifts a manipulative insult. And those are your choices: Either do what she wants, or be right. And what have we already learned about you being right?
6. Stop being so hormonally crazed. Well, at least try to stop being so hormonally crazed. Okay, try to be less hormonally crazed. Okay, forget it. Just try not to get arrested.
7. Stop complaining about your job. Guys love to talk about — and especially to complain about — their jobs. Women, though often seemingly infinite in their patience and empathy, do have their limits. You’ll know you’ve reached your wife’s when, as you are telling her about your day, she starts to fidget.
8. Get okay with being late. Women have an internal guide that tells them which things it’s okay to be late for, and which things it’s not. Unfortunately, that guide is written in ancient Venusian. You don’t read ancient Venusian. You don’t read any Venusian. Invest in a hand-held DVD player.
9. Tell your wife how to behave in public. Women love this. It makes them feel like you’re watching out for them, like you’re helping them understand things about themselves that they don’t understand, and should be aware of. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain this to my own wife as she was walking away from me.
10. Don’t keep bugging your wife to give you some good ideas for a “Top 10″ list you’re writing when she’s trying to get ready to go to work. Trust me on this one.
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Fan me, baby!
Posted by James on March 7, 2010 at 9:40 am
I’m rolling. Actually, my wife is rolling even more. Thanks for this. You are a wise, wise man, John.
Posted by John Shore on March 7, 2010 at 10:05 am
Thank, James; I really appreciate that.
Posted by Tim on March 7, 2010 at 10:17 am
Actually I’m not the best authority on being a good husband since my marriage suffered a slow depression-fed death over the course of 15 years. Nonetheless, I believe if a husband will earnestly embrace his wrongness, those other nine tips will hopefully not be as big a deal, if they even exist in the first place. The way I see it, if I am truly embracing my wrongness, though I will certainly be fidgety, I will hopefully maintain a respectful tone, have a decent opinion, give of myself, not complain about my job, be gracious regarding other people’s wrongness, and kindly encourage their rightness. Sadly, in regards to the hormonally crazed tip, BEING hormonally crazed possibly could have SAVED my marriage.
Sorry to be such a wet blankie, John. I know your post is funny. But I also think your humor can sometimes cause the kind of painful introspection in myself, that maybe fuels/inspires so much of your own talent.
Cheers
Posted by Ken on March 11, 2010 at 10:24 pm
I love your sense of humour, it makes such an easy read
for a husband to be, this stuff is neat 
Posted by Jill on April 26, 2010 at 8:09 pm
You are wrong about a lot of this. Especially about men being wrong ALL the time. It’s not all the time, it’s only some of the time. But you are most wrong about #9. Honestly, if my husband tells me I am talking too loud in the grocery store one more time, as though it even mattered if someone overheard our barely whispered conversation about eggs, I WILL stab him with the nearest fork. The nearest restaurant is a KFC, so that would probably entail me running across the parking lot for a spork.
Posted by Grady Watson on May 27, 2010 at 10:12 am
(response to Jill) Oh, I think John is definitely right about #9! My wife, even though she shows it in wierd ways, LOVES me to tell her how to act in public. I love when she make that cute face like she’s annoyed. AAHH HAHAHAHAHaHaHaHaHa . . .
(Love it, John!)
Posted by LIVE4HIM on June 1, 2010 at 7:32 am
my thoughts:
1- yes we should keep in mind we could be wrong, should always keep in mind.. that no one knows everything, no one other then god himself.. and i would say wife is right 9 times out of 10..lol
2- this one will be hard to change.. to me, men for the most part seem to be right to the point and short in conversation.. women like to get into lenghty conversations.. , this often causes me to forget what we are even talking about.. lol, but yes if it was possible.. this would be good, to not let them know were wanting the conversation to be over.. and get back.. moving again..
3- yes.. watch your tone very closely.. this will have a great effect on how what you say is takin4shure! this could change what your saying to somthing much different!
4- going along with how wife feels.. is the easiest road by far… but she will be wise to the fact of what you are doing … so just give your real opinion is probley best rout
5- yes, gifts make them feel thought of.. and special.. be shure to no miss any special occassions.. or you will regret it!
6- yes woman want to feel loved more then sexually desired for the most part
7- i agree woman hate to hear about how our jobs suck.. they feel what we do is nothing in comparison to them being at home with the kids.. and they would be correct in the thinking..ha
8- yes.. forget being on time.. those days are over..ha..
9 – my wifes to buisy trying to tell **me** how to behave in public, for me to be able to do this..lol