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The church lady did this on SNL many moons ago. I couldn’t find a clip on the internet (really, internet?) but I did find a transcript: “…let’s examine the word “Santa”, shall we? [ holds up board with "SANTA" spelled across it in removeable letters ] Santa. Let’s see, what have we got here? We’ve got an S and an A, an N, a T, and another A. Hmm.. [ rearranges the letters ] Who could be causing all those laps to bounce up and down curiously? Who would help grown men peel the focus from the baby Jesus on his birthday? Who could it be, I just don’t know. Could it be.. [ echo ] Satan!! [ the letters now spell "SATAN" ] ”
One of my favorites. ^_^
Hilaaaaaaarious!
Oh wait… I know why this seems so familiar.
I lived it. This describes many years of my life, where this was regarded as literal truth. In 1984, my parents even cancelled Christmas. We got Christmas back the next year, but Santa wasn’t invited.
I know it’s satire, and well done, but it seems I still have a raw spot down deep.
You wouldn’t be the first. I’m so glad my mother was sane–at least as regarded her Christianity. She had no problem with Santa, she had no problem with the baby Jesus–and because she didn’t, I didn’t either.
Hi John, Would love to publish this on my site please let me know…
Noel
Documentation please? (I’m a historian- I have to ask.)
I know that you’re poking fun at literalists, and maybe I’m being a total troll, but really….. aren’t you just using one myth to debunk another one?
I get your humor and I’m glad to see it, but in the lunacy that American christianity isn’t equating Santa to Satan irresponsible? Maybe those confused American fundamentalists will decide all the dimestore Santa’s will be mistaken for muslim born abortion doctors teaching evolution on the side.
Well no – THAT would be silly.
Smile. There is no hell.
I think it’s great to have Santa/trees/gifts etc for fun, although they are not particularly important to me (partly a side effect of being in the Southern Hemisphere?). But Christmas always makes me think of this poem, which I came across in a newsletter published by an on-campus Christian activist group while at university (a loooong time ago!) [as student, on Christmas Day I would wear a t-shirt featuring a slightly stylized graphic image of Jesus' head crowned with thorns, with 'He is risen' emblazoned alongside. I think I am just subversive by nature! Or hopelessly curmudgeonly...]
Christmas is Really For the Children – by Steve Turner
Christmas is really
for the children.
Especially for children
who like animals, stables,
stars and babies wrapped
in swaddling clothes.
Then there are wise men,
kings in fine robes,
humble shepherds and a
hint of rich perfume.
Easter is not really
for the children
unless accompanied by a
cream filled egg.
It has whips, blood, nails,
a spear and allegations
of body snatching.
It involves politics, God
and the sins of the world.
It is not good for people
of a nervous disposition.
They would do better to
think on rabbits, chickens
and the first snowdrop
of spring.
Or they’d do better to
wait for a re-run of
Christmas without asking
too many questions about
what Jesus did when he grew up
or whether there’s any connection.
That’s quite a powerful poem.
For some background on St. Nicholas, see: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/takeandread/2011/11/santa-in-a-brothel/
Fortunately, Saint Nick’s companion, the Krampus, knows that humor and satire can be used to good purpose . . . otherwise chains and birch would be in someone’s future.
http://www.krampus.com/
Let’s put the Krampus back in Christmas!!!
The gnome/elf controversy lives on.
This post instantly brightened my day. I “shouldn’t” share because people will get uptight “because Santa **is** evil”, but I must share. People need to feel uncomfortable. They need to be challenged. It’s the only way people grow; the only way they climb out of their specific “concept” of who they think God is, and why they think it. Thanks for another zinger, John.
When my daughter, now 30, was in 3rd grade she asked me to “Tell me the truth. Is Santa really real?” I launched into what I thought was a brilliant and beautiful explanation of the spirit of Christmas and the joy of giving. I told her Santa is the spirit of giving and generosity, and by recognizing and honoring that spirit we keep Santa really real. I was quite proud of my very own “Yes, Virginia” moment and then my brilliant 8 year old looked at me, with a great amount of skepticism, and said, “OK. Now tell me the REAL truth!”
Yup. And orgies. There was a fir tree- the official tree of Rome- decked in red and gold, and the sacrifice was a part of the ‘return of the unconcqured sun.
Brian, you appear to be conflating several traditions. Saturnalia didn’t involve gang-rape or human sacrifice.
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