I saw her standing there—then I went to hell!
I heard it through the grapevine—then I went to hell!
I can’t get no satisfaction—then I went to hell!
I just called to say I love you—then I went to hell!
I shot the sheriff—then I went to hell!
I am woman—then I went to hell!
I should have known better—then I went to hell!
I was made to love her—then I went to hell!
I got you, babe—then I went to hell!
Mama told me not to come—then I went to hell!
You really got me—then I went to hell!
Livin’ la vida loca—then I went to hell!
Gonna make you sweat—then I went to hell!
Gettin’ jiggy wid’ it—then I went to hell!
It wasn’t me—then I went to hell!
It was a good day—then I went to hell!
I’m too sexy—then I went to hell!
Insane in the brain—then I went to hell!
I gotta feeling—then I went to hell!
I knew I love you—then I went to hell!
Always on time—then I went to hell!
In da club—then I went to hell!
Crazy in love—then I went to hell!
Promiscuous—then I went to hell!
Pffft. Those guys have church signs forever.
(The sign was outside a church in Blacklick, Ohio [near Columbus], in spring of 2009. From an AP story at the time: “Church pastor Reverend Dave Allison says the Bible is clear that homosexuality is a sin, so the sign is intended as a loving warning to teens. He says it’s confused some people who either don’t know the song or don’t understand the message.”)
![John Shore on The Huffington Post](http://johnshore.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/huffpost.jpg?w=120 "John Shore on The Huffington Post\")
{ 71 comments… read them below or add one }
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I’m proud to be an American -and then I went to hell
I’m an Okie from Muskogee-and then I went to hell
Let’s include the Country side of things, too…
Jesus take the Wheel–and then I went ot Hell. . . Wait?. . . What?!
Man! I Feel Like a Woman… and then I went to hell
I’m a Redneck Woman… and then I went to hell
although it doesn’t fit the pattern:
And Then I Went to Hell… Did I Shave My Legs for This?
*singing*
I put up a sign that is theologically inaccurate
I hope my God won’t mind it!
evidently there is no hell for Hitler or unrepentant child molesters either according to the ideas propagated at this site.
Well there goes the neighborhood.
Gee. Too bad none of us ever thought of that.
The question is, really, which do you think is more powerful: God’s love or the evil of mankind?
You might want to think about that answer really, really carefully.
Or you might not, since you’re probably just a troll. But if you’re really here to discuss, then start with that question. On the other side of life, we all agree that what we did on earth isn’t going to count for much, right?
You expect to be in heaven, despite your sins, right, by God’s grace?
One of those sins that won’t plague you anymore is resentment. It won’t trouble you that people are there who weren’t as good as you are. You’ll just be thrilled that you, your friends, and even people who didn’t understand the wonder of repentance in life, all get to live in grace.
I guess I think that God’s grace and love is bigger than our capacity for wrongdoing. So, yes, I won’t get the joy of knowing that Hitler, my ex-wife, that kid who bullied me in school, et. al. are in hell.
Instead, I’ll know the joy of celebrating God’s grace. I’ll be freed of the desire to punish them as we’re all released from our hatred.
That sounds a lot more like paradise to me, anyway.
I’m a gay man, so what happens if I kiss a girl?
you have to marry her.
EEEWWWW.
My husband may object.
“I said ‘Honey, I live with you for the rest of my life.’
She said ‘No huggie, no kissy until you make me your wife.’
‘My honey, my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf!’
She said ‘Don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself!’”
jeez, dude, have the Republican Presidential debates taught you nothing?
If you kiss a girl … first, you’ll turn straight, since you’ll realize what a bad choice you’ve been making by kissing guys; next comes a bad haircut and, yes, you have to throw away all your hair products; you’ll become a Republican (a given, of course) with an American flag pin on the lapel of your bad suit; you must marry at least 2 or 3 times, preferably to blondes who don’t wear pantsuits, having at least 2 kids along the way; and only then will you go directly to heaven …
as you can see, straying down the path to a “straight” “lifestyle” … well, it’s a slippery sloop, bro … best to keep your snogging limited to the guys.
Wait wait wait. You think those GOP candidates don’t use hair products?? There is no way some of them can maintain those perfectly hued tresses without a bevy products that claim “no animal testing” somewhere on the bottle.
Probably it was a typo, but man, I love that phrase “slippery sloop.”
“I touch myself” then went to hell.
(Sorry Divinyls, I couldn’t stop myself, either.)
That was good!
As I recall, the Bible says, “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “Vengeance is God’s”. I’ve always taken these lines to mean that God can speak for himself and He doesn’t take it lightly when people decide to speak for him. In other words, he intends to hold them accountable if they do so.
On the other hand, if I’m going to hell for expressing my love in a way that seems suitable for me, I can’t think of a worse way to spend eternity than with a bunch of arrogant, self-righteous, judgemental hypocrites, so maybe they have a point.
BTW – For anyone who would like to write an email to the misguided pastor…his address is dallison@HavensCornersChurch.com
Christianized version:
ala, Chris Tomlin:
How Great is Our God (?), then I went to hell.
Your Grace is (almost) Enough, then I went to hell.
Unfailing Love (for the most part), then I went to hell.
The Way I was Made (I think Lady Gaga ripped this one off), then I went to hell.
On Our Side (apparently it’s not an inclusive Our), then I went to hell.
You Do All Things Well, then I went to hell.
… It’s hard to believe, but they’re probably singing these songs in that very church.
Just as i aaaaaaaaaaam i weeeeeeeeeeent to hell?
Dang, Ric!
That was brilliant!
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