[UPDATE: The professor who wrote the letter has responded here.]
Dear John Shore,
It’s taken me forever to write this, because it will reveal me to be a whiny, privileged, guilt-ridden wimp. But I’m writing it anyway. I guess because I’m such a wimp I can’t even stand up to my desire to not be revealed as a wimp. Go figure.
I’m serious about being a Christian and have, like many of your readers, grown to fully support LGBT folks in the church. What a laughable sentence that is, because I’m a professor at a Christian College that requires each annual contract renewal to include reaffirmation of a denominational statement declaring same sex relationships morally illegitimate. Yes, like most Christian colleges, we must sign a document of community beliefs and expectations that clearly states this. I feel like a traitor and a liar every time.
I love my job. I believe in Christian higher education, and this college is pretty moderate. People are kind here and I have academic freedom to pursue what I love. The school is progressive on a number of church-y issues, like the leadership and dignity of women. The students are great people, my colleagues include my closest friends, it’s an affordable region of the country with a lot of natural beauty.
It’s okay with me that I’m more liberal than most around here, because I’m not the only one, and I have a ton of social capital and good will built up in the community; I don’t need everyone to agree with me on everything. I think most people know how I feel about queer Christians (or at least wouldn’t be shocked). I seem to be free to speak my opinion in personal conversation, but if I publicly advocated for institutional change (or didn’t sign the statement) my job would be in jeopardy. I’m up for tenure in three months, but tenure wouldn’t protect me on this one. And it’s once again contract renewal time.
Every year (I’ve been here a long time) I sign my name to a document that includes a sentence I consider unjust and wicked. Every year I ask gay friends: “Am I betraying you? Are you hurt by this? I remain employed by an institution that wouldn’t hire you, that would fire you, that requires all of us to sign a document that says you and your spouse’s love is sinful. Tell me what to do! Tell me to quit and I will!”
Every year (I think they’re getting tired of my pathetic begging for absolution) my gay friends are incredibly gracious and supportive and caring: “No, you aren’t betraying us. We love you and know you’re stuck in a difficult place. We need allies in hostile territory. You need to be there for the students when they come out. You’re not expected to be the straight martyr for the gay cause.” Etc.
But recently a person I respect (a reader of your blog) responded: “No, you’re not betraying me. But I’m worried about you, are you betraying yourself?”
This haunting prophetic question is one I will have to answer myself. So I’m not asking for feedback on that one. But I am asking for something.
Sometimes you post reader mail on your blog, and the responses are diverse, enlightening, and (usually) on point. I’ve benefited many times from the conversation around your blog. I’m sure your blogging schedule is stacked up way into the future, and you hear from people with much worse problems than mine. But if you get a slow news day, and threw my dilemma in front of your readers, maybe the responses could help me and others like me who feel stuck. Skewer me, support me, laugh at me, preach at me, identify with me, feel sorry for me, dismiss me … I promise to put it all to good use. I’m not at peace and would like to be, and input from outside my head usually serves me well.
So here’s the heart of it: am I perpetuating injustice in the name of Christ by continuing to work for a Christian institution that requires its employees to do this as a condition of employment?
I really value your voice and the conversations it provokes. Thanks,
Dear Guy Who Wrote Me This,
I mean … your question is so simple a child could answer it. By signing a statement which declares same-sex relationships morally illegitimate of course you’re betraying yourself and your gay friends. Of course you’re perpetuating injustice in the name of Christ by continuing to work for a Christian institution that requires its employees to sign such a reprehensible statement.
But you already know it’s wrong to sign that document. What you don’t know and are seeking clarity on is the relationship between the amount of wrong done by signing it versus the amount of good you get in exchange for doing so. You know it’s wrong to sign the paper; you just don’t know if it’s so wrong that you should quit your job over it.
That’s a terrible calculation to even consider making. It’s predicated upon your honor being a tradeable commodity. You should never trade your honor for material gain. In this life who you are morally is all you have. It’s everything. It’s the irreducible island you live on. You crap on that, and there’s no avoiding the stink of it in your own nostrils.
Don’t do that to yourself. You really are better than that.
Besides, it’s not like signing that document is keeping you safe. In the short run it does, yes. But it’s like escaping a lightening storm by ducking into a cave in the back of which a bear is sleeping. You’re safe as long as that bear doesn’t wake up. But sooner or later it will. And then you’re bear chow.
The inviolate Rule of Life is that everything you do that’s morally wrong comes back to bite you on the butt. And as surely as one day follows the next you will be called upon to publicly toe your school’s party line on the gay issue. There’s no predicting when or how it will happen; there’s only the certainty that it will. The gay issue is too huge for it not to. It’s already creating all kinds of storms on Christian campuses across the country. (See They’re here; they’re queer; they’ve plenty to fear: LGBT students form secret club at conservative Christian university for just one instance.) That wind will blow across your campus. And when it does your employers will not allow you to “be there” for anyone coming out. They’ll expect you to be there for them. And rightfully so. You signed a document guaranteeing that you would be. You gave your word that you would defend your school’s policy on homosexuality.
And the day upon which you are called to do that will be a very dark day for you indeed. In deed.
Avoid that day, friend. Start looking for another job. Sign your school’s anti-gay document one more time if you must, but make that your last time. That will give you a year to find a job where getting paid doesn’t require first swapping spit with Satan. I appreciate that you have a cherry job. Your email to me included a link to the school at which you work. That place is ridiculously beautiful; it looks like where the children raised in all those idyllic cottages painted by Thomas Kinkade matriculate. But that’s how real evil works, isn’t it? It makes you think that by trading your integrity you’re trading up. It looks so innocent. It offers so much. It makes it so easy to justify its requisite ounce of flesh.
But from that ounce a great wound is sure to grow.
I say give yourself a year to get out.
Anyone else?
My response to the idea, quite prevalent in the comments, that our friend here should stay where he is and be a “light in the darkness” is here. Thanks, guys.
![John Shore on The Huffington Post](http://johnshore.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/huffpost.jpg?w=120 "John Shore on The Huffington Post\")
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“Once you know something, you can’t not know it.” Bur for a lot of people, a huge daily dose of denial works wonders.
What’s the difference in signing that doc and being sympathetic toLBGT students vs. owning slaves but being sympathetic to their plight?
Professor X isn’t an owner and students aren’t slaves.
for starters …
I realize that I’m rather late to the discussion, and all that, but I really wanted to hold off until I had my own emotions/thoughts/discernment in some kind of order before posting – plus this is my first post on this blog, which *always* leaves me feeling somewhat intimidated…
First, in reading Professor X’s missive (‘Professor X’ – that’s awesome! I never get any cool names…
) one thing struck me rather immediately – I think he has a real appreciation for what it’s like to be a LGBT student at this college. I mean, the parallels are almost eerie to me. He has a ‘secret’ that could get him fired, a secret that he can freely discuss away from college grounds, but not *on* college grounds. It’s a secret that is at odds with the college’s ‘statement of ethics’ – and it’s something that strikes very deeply in his heart and spirit. Now, it’s not completely parallel as far as comparisons go – but I firmly believe that, in the background, God (or Spirit, or whoever you want to call Him) is quietly whispering ‘If you’re in this much conflict, imagine the mental and spiritual anguish a gay or lesbian student is feeling right now.’ Professor X is, to me anyway, truly ‘walking a mile’ in our shoes – and the good fruit of such an experience would take me longer to write than I have energy for… but it is A Good Thing.
But, on the other side of the coin, is this statement that Professor X has signed – apparently every year. To a student struggling to reconcile their religious beliefs vs. their orientation, it might not matter what else the statement includes – the #1 thing on that document is the part that damns them for the very struggle they’re having. It damns them for having an orientation – something they can suppress but cannot ‘turn off’ – that is outside the ‘accepted norms’. And Professor X has signed it, giving his tacit approval to that statement, regardless of how he actually feels about the issue – which is made pretty clear to us here, but *not* so clear to that student wondering if it’s at all safe to Come Out to Professor X. To me, there’s a sort of mental calculus that goes on in our brains when we’re debating whether to Come Out to someone – will this person accept me? Will this person support me? Or, will this person turn on me? Will this person value their own ‘moral code’ over providing support and care for me? Will this person humiliate me publicly? I’m not a student at this college, but I can’t help but think that Professor X signing that document equals a big red CHECK in the ‘don’t Come Out to Professor X’ column.
If a student knows Professor X’s stand away from college grounds, I can’t help but see the issue as becoming even more muddled. ‘He doesn’t agree with the statement concerning *me*, but he signed it anyway – does that mean he’s required to turn me over to college officials when we’re both on campus? If he’s willing to compromise his beliefs to keep a job, what will he do when push comes to shove?’ To a student already struggling with the mental gymnastics required to juggle their orientation, their religion, *and* trying to figure out who is ‘safe’ to turn to… well, I can’t help but see a student turn away from Professor X, regardless of his stand away from college, because there are simply too many unknowns in Coming Out to him. Unknowns that wouldn’t exist were it not for this statement that Professor X has signed.
I don’t have to walk his path, so I’m very careful in offering any advice here, but any good he can do for LGBT students is going to be outweighed by that simple act of signing that document. The implications to those students is, in my opinion, huge and extremely negative. In the minds of those students, there will always be that nagging voice saying ‘You can’t trust Professor X! He signed that statement condemning you! HE SIGNED IT!’ Maybe I’m just projecting here, but in my own struggle with Coming Out and who to trust, anyone who made disparaging remarks about my orientation was not considered an ally – even worse were those who would say ‘Oh I support Gays and Lesbians’ quietly and then turn around and openly make some cutting remark against those selfsame LGBT folk – to me, that was a monstrous betrayal. I don’t know how a student at this college could take Professor X’s public statements (by signing the document) – regardless of his views in the ‘quiet’ of off-campus life – in any other light.
Should Professor X leave? I think so. The longer this goes on, the worse it’s going to get for him. This spiritual rift isn’t going away – if anything, it will only get stronger as the time approaches for that ‘wind’ that John speaks about to roar across the college campus. Yes, it is going to be a sacrifice – possibly a huge sacrifice – but I believe the Biblical dictum that says ‘for every door that is shut, He will open a new one’ applies here. Leaving, with his reasons why in full view for all to see, will be an enormous statement to any student at that college struggling with their orientation – ‘Wow, he was willing to leave because he supports me! He’s there for me!’ If anything, I expect he will be overwhelmed with the positive response and support.
If Professor X leaves (and I hope he will), then I’d like to add one thing – I believe there will be some atonement involved in the midst of the applause and support. People *will* ask ‘Why did you sign this thing? Why?’ It’s inevitable that this conversation will come up, and personally I think it’s important to have that conversation.
Anyway, these are my thoughts on the matter. Blessings to Professor X! My thoughts go with you.
“And Professor X has signed it, giving his tacit approval…” to “the part that damns them”
This is the crux of the problem. To me, this is betrayal.
I have friends who chose to stay in the church that ousted my partner and I. It wounds me deeply. I understand how hard it would be to leave that (in many ways) vibrant community, and I didn’t ask any of them to leave. It’s not my place to do so. But it feels like a betrayal to me that they chose to stay.
Wonderful.
It’s more complicated that to be honest. What about people who are in countries or related to ethnicities that are associated with anti-gay? Based on your views, most non-western individuals are automatically traitors to LBGT people just for being non-Western or wouldn’t disown their nationality/race/culture . To many people, just being religious or spiritual in general means John Shore, me and everyone here are traitors to LBGT community, regardless.
???
I think I see what sayla is trying to say . . . but sayla, this doesn’t boil down to being western or non-western, religious or not religious. It boils down to being human and the way we should be treating each other.
For example, let’s say you were born into a non-western culture that is known for being adamantly anti-gay, and your family members are anti-gay. Maybe they justify it by saying “that’s just the way our culture has always been.” And then let’s say you are the only person in your family who is not anti-gay. Just because you disagree on this one point, that does not mean you have to disown your whole culture! There may be some adamantly homophobic people who make you feel like you are betraying the entire culture with your acceptance of gays, but that is just small-mindedness. And you don’t want to be a small-minded human, even if a lot of people in your culture are. Now it’s true that you may need to keep your views to yourself for your own safety, if that’s the kind of culture you are in, but hopefully courageous people in your culture will start standing up for human rights.
Think about it–there are plenty of gays in the closet in non-western cultures. It’s time someone did the right thing and started standing up for them. But that needs to happen from within.
Apropos: http://johnshore.com/2012/06/02/a-taiwanese-christian-lesbian-everyone-should-know/
Being part of an institution and directly affirming that institution’s anti-gay bias is much different than affirming a culture/community/religion that *happens to have* a large number of individuals or group *within it* that have an anti-gay bias. The former is participation, however tacitly, in the bias, but the latter is not, particulRly is you are one looking to change that culture/community/religion from within. And that’s because cultures/communities/religions are informal institutions and they are not homogenous. No one makes you sign, affirm, agree to or do anything to be part of an ethnicity/race/culture/religion, and, while all of that university’s profs sign a pledge, members of cultures/communities/religion have a wide range of diverse beliefs, with no central authority to regulate and enforce a consensus. There is simply no parallel.
Every culture has lots of wrong things in it and lots of good things. We have to sort those out in our own culture, no matter what our own culture is.
that was really good
Thanks! It was a bit more ‘wall of text’ish than I planned but…
Personally, I wouldn’t sign… I’d fight it… I’d stand up, and speak my truth on the subject…
… but then, that would be why I’ve been fired from all the “cherry” jobs I’ve had
My heart breaks for the Christian Professor and the decision he must make. As the mother of two gay children, moral abiguity was indeed, a cross (challenge) I know all too well. Deeply faithful, personally religious, and fully participatory in church services as a representative/educator, it was not until I was (finally) forced to sign the compliance document that I had the courage to stand up…and walk away. I had convinced myself over a period of years that by being a “closet” homosexual mother I had been protecting my children–never denying them– as well as securing my ability within the church to set a good example for them and others. The issue, God bless them, was never my son or daughter making a request for me to stop straddling the fence and speak out. My children continued to love and respect me for sticking to my beliefs as much as I loved/supported their right to be individuals and take responsibility for their own actions. Literally, I had never, for whatever reason, actually been asked to sign that statement. I am certain I would have most assuredly done so, for the reasons stated above. When I respectfully declined, almost immediately I lost my beloved church fellowship, and essentially, my “place” that defined who I was religiously for most of my life. For many months I was, literally a fish out of water, as my religion was a huge part of my daily life. I was also judged harshly for the years I “deceived” my church, and was shunned by many I considered close friends. What I ultimately gained from this life altering experience was clearly a self-acceptance, self- respect and a spiritual conviction that my God didnt make “mistakes”. This is NOT false self-talk to convince myself that my decision was spiritually or “politically”correct. I am no longer ambiguous. Neither my children’s, nor my experience is/was unique, I’ve learned. God has opened up a whole new world of fellowship with devout Christians that worship responsibly, inclusively. My children’s faith has also grown, and they are now open to returning to a congregation with clear Christ-like principles. Truly, by prayerfully and whole-hearted making the decison to come “out of the closet” myself, I gained so much more than my perceived loss. My prayers are with you all as you continue to struggle with your own decision.
Sometimes doing the right thing is difficult but it’s always right!
I am loathe to harshly judge on this though clearly it makes the man an apologist for morally dubious thinking. It is reminiscent of the social shift on slavery. Early on there were folks who began to feel badly about how slaves were treated in America but they did not immediately jump to the notion that these folks should be freed. Though this is morally repugnant to most of us today, the fact is that human morals evolve over time and the slave owners had real internal conflict. Their social position and their family’s financial security was tightly wrapped in the economic institution of slavery. Be careful not to judge too harshly and be damn glad none of us today is forced to view things from such a vantage. point. It is prudent to keep in mind that all our high minded beliefs were arrived at because each and every one of us stands on the shoulders of giants.
Very well said, Mr. Forest.
I call bullshit. I don’t judge Professor X’s conflict, but that rationale is garbage.
I call bullshit on your bullshit. Try at least acknowledging how change has occurred through history, it’s quite easy for all of us in hindsight to say “just pull the trigger” but that’s totally counter intuitive to how institutional evil has either diminished or eradicated. It’s awfully easy for all of us to be self-righteous and suggest that this is black and white and it is not.
Well, I mean, perhaps there’s value in asking Elizabeth what she means by “that rationale is garbage.” Is she, in fact, dismissing the idea that while huge societal sea changes are happening some people are going to experience mixed feelings about those changes? Or … maybe she’s just reacting negatively to the drawing of an analogy between a slave owner and our professor friend?
Hmm. What were you calling bullshit, Ms. Eliza?
Hunh. Institutional pedagogy is funny, whether collegiate, societal, or political. By the time “they” are in power, if they’re at all smart, they know a backlash is coming. Catholicism, capitalism, racism, sexism, name-the-ism: you can see the rebellion a mile away. In every case, change didn’t happen through sympathy but through blood and sweat and yelling. Humans evolve over time, clearly. Our morals don’t. We can always feel, in our hearts, right from wrong.
We’re not standing on the shoulders of giants. We’re standing on the shoulders of martyrs, serfs, and slaves. The underdog always wins, until the next underdog. Comparing a popularity contest to slavery is, in short, bullshit.
Your questions raise the bar, DR. They make me think. Thank you.
If you haven’t noticed, I live in the grey. No black and white with me.
But … John Forest wasn’t comparing the shift in the understanding of the morality of slavery to a popularity contest. He compared it to the same kind of shift we’re all currently living through relative to homosexuality. His treatment of that analogy seemed pretty solid and reasonable to me.
Me too.
I get that, Elizabeth – morality is black and white but the brokenness of us makes us cling to what is comfortable. It is reptilian and nightmarish when we have to depend upon human nature to change things when it ultimately seeks comfort and security. Does a redeemed/touched and transformed by the sacred human nature prove over and over again that it will forsake comfort for the sake of what is moral? Absolutely. And some people radically deploy it, say “fuck it” and do what’s right. They lose everything. That happens. And if you’re living your life like that? More power to you. But counting the cost happens incrementally, gathering the courage to do that happens in small steps.
I have to chime in with agreement to John Forest’s point: as for my background (and many others as I read their comments here), I had to come to my own understanding of the pain and marginalization of the entire LGBTQ community through life experiences, meeting people, testing force-fed indoctrination against real life and finding the two don’t connect.
NO ONE during my youth could have shoved down my throat the open beliefs I hold now about gay equality because I had already been choking on the vitriolic hatred and paranoia of my cult-ish church’s dogma that ANYONE’s beliefs on the outside were wrong. Anyone who admitted to being gay was automatically on the outside, and outsiders were not to be trusted. During my teens, while I never was actively bigoted, I was complicit in my church’s prejudice because I was taught it to be ‘right and moral’.
Point being: yes, TRUE moral development and personal integrity do take time (and work) to shape in a human being. As much as I can be loathe toward patience on this issue, it took time for me. I have to assume it does takes time (and work) for others.
Amazing, reflective responses. I am honored to be witness to the concerns and issues you pose here, John.
thank you, julie.
I agree with the poster who said to independently poll the rest of the faculty and look for support there. But having been in the position of necessary evil, I would suggest building your army silently and overthrowing from within. Sometimes you don’t lay your cards down until you have the enemy completely surrounded. And it’s a hateful position… Some would say deceitful even. But when you deal with the willfully ignorant its sometimes best to never let then see you coming.
I’d say that even polling the rest of the faculty, formally or informally, would likely be enough for him to be fired as a violation of the agreement he’d signed. Asking people if they disagree with a policy is going to be seen as questioning the policy.
Any administration who has that sort of rule in the first place isn’t going to be interested in nuance. And anything other than strict adherence to it will be seen as direct violation.
And guarantee, someone would rat him out and feel perfectly righteous in doing so.
Hi. I’m the person who sent this letter to John and asked him to publish it for comment.
Reading these comments has been extremely important and helpful to me. Thank you all for taking the time to share your opinions and thoughts. Even more than that: in many instances, gracious words of kindness, even from those who think my soul is on the auction block (chief among them John, who’s passionate about getting people who are stuck in hard places to be unstuck). It means more to me than I know how to say.
I’ve been especially humbled reading the personal stories of those who’ve faced crises that make my privileged, conflicted conscience look like small beans by comparison. It’s these that have been most moving to me. I would really like to write something else about this, but I’m genuinely at a loss for how to express my gratitude. Thank you.
My intention is to honor what everyone has said by carefully and seriously taking it in and considering it in good faith. I’ve asked my 3 closest friends who know me best to read this feedback with me and talk it through. We’ve begun a lengthy conversation referring to comments here in ways that I’ll be held accountable to. I’ve also used this discussion to seek the input of a few mentors from my life whose wisdom I value. Finally, I’ll be sharing this post with several colleagues at my institution whom I know are also conflicted over this issue, and I intend to begin a side conversation about moving forward into the coming academic year. All this to say that by participating here, your response has had a wider impact than maybe you expected.
All of this may sound like just a lot of talk to some readers here, which I know can be cheap. If so, I can’t say I disagree. All I can tell you is that I’ve made commitments to real people in my life, who have a stake in both friendship and justice, to follow my thinking and talking with action.
I think there are a lot of people in circumstances similar to mine. Thank you so much.
*thumbs up*
I’m dying to know if you’re at my alma mater but can’t think of a good secret way to identify it.
really wish there had been more support for… QUILTBAGS… when my generation was there… And mind-opening help for people raised homophobic like i was. Although i was in the foreign languages department which was one of the least dogmatic ones… in many cases profs weren’t even christian. And it still took decades for seeds they planted to turn the light on in my mind. Please excuse the mixed metaphor.
Wishing you the best in your process…
If you do decide to leave, you could first try and get them to change their policy. If they won’t then it’s clear to them why you are leaving. I also think it would be great if you left copies of John’s “Unfair” book with all the faculty and heads of the school as parting gifts.
I can’t remember where I heard this (a movie perhaps) but I’ve heard it said that people already know their decision but spend a lot of time convincing themselves it is right. (something like that)
May you find peace in your heart as you wrestle with this.
I like this idea!
me too! for obvious reasons!
Prof X, it seems that your heart is hinged in the right place, and I for one appreciate this interactive dialog with you. Yours is not my life’s challenge, and yet I gained a lot from this discussion as well. Thank you for being open to it.
This is awesome, Professor. I think you’re embarking on path of enlightenment and growth. I know this isn’t going to be a cakewalk, but I want you to know that I truly honor your desire to be honest with yourself and your colleagues about what you believe. And since you’re a college professor, it’s no surprise that you are approaching this in a thoughtful way and reaching out for counsel and discussion. You’re the kind of straight person we so very much need to speak up for change. I hope you’ll keep John Shore posted as your experience unfolds.
Professor X – there is so much here that I don’t know about. So many nuances that for me, allow this question to be filled with grey (thankfully not 50 shades…). Are you the sole breadwinner in your family? Is it even an option for you to leave this job and find employment elsewhere? Teaching jobs are not always easy to find, and while I’ve not looked in the Christian college market, I know that in the “secular” arena, they are few and far between.
Further more, ARE you making a difference to students who need you? Change from within is usually the best strategy, so maybe you are right where you need to be.
I was actually surprised by the different tone of responses that John had to you vs. the response to the Irish pastor in a recent post. I don’t actually see a huge difference between your two situations, and I think maybe the advice to that pastor could apply to you as well.
I wish you luck, and appreciate from afar the deep thoughtfulness that you are showing around this question.
Many blessings!
Mindi – I see the difference in those two responses as necessary, because the Irish pastor can work from within as a leader. One professor in a college is not.
As an aside, I felt a rush of nostalgia when I saw your name – one of my tiny acts of “defiance” when I was 13 was to change the way I spelled my name from Mindy to Mindi. I was so proud. But since I also dotted both Is with hearts, I eventually changed it back when I got to college. Still, though – it made me smile.
Good for you, Professor.
God bless your courage. I wish you well.
May God bless you with wisdom on your journey.
As an alum of that institution, I would hate to think of it without your presence there, dear former prof of mine. That probably doesn’t help any, does it!?
God give you wisdom!
How do you know what school it is?
I wish you strength and peace on your journey. Godspeed.
all that I can ask is that you let us know how that goes. My blessings to you, Professor.
Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going! Blessings and prayers to you!
I love this… Romans 14: 22,23 from The Message:
“Cultivate your own relationship with God… You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe… other days just trying to please them – then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong. ”
I know that sounds rather simplified, but I’ve found when my faith and walk are in alignment, it is REALLY well with my soul.
John’s advice is sound. If your heart convicts you, your mind grants you no peace, and your stomach is in knots, maybe that is proof enough that it’s time to pray about Plan B. That is not life abundant, nor how God intended us to live.
God will provide the answers, the guidance and the courage if it’s time for you to move on. Follow the still small voice and do not let fear of the future deter you. You are in God’s hands!
PS: While the whole chapter of Romans 14 is hinged on the topic of “beliefs & food” it’s principles can be applicable to all beliefs.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2014&version=MSG
The queer community needs people like you to stand up for what you know is right, especially in the face of whatever brand of Christianity that college is espousing. I’m gay and Christian and find myself, all too often, taking the comfortable road and not being vocal about my convictions. Let us stand up together.
Yes- you are either a liar or a traitor *and* a wimp.
Willa, please. Show *some* grace. Do we hold him accountable and advise him to make the right move? Of course. But he doesn’t need need snappy insults like this. I guess you didn’t see his comment affirming John’s advice to step up and do what must be done.
Willa, this incredibly harsh and judgmental. How is it helpful at all to just point fingers?
Hmm. I’m an LGBT christian. I’m genuinely not sure about this. Yes, you are doing something wrong by signing the paper. But how much can you accomplish for LGBT equality by pushing for it in your university? Can you openly teach it, but not get fired, because the paper is a formality? Can you reach out to other faculty and try to get them on your side? Or are you actually sitting in silence at your job, not doing these things, AND signing the paper?
I’d say, either push for LGBT equality in a big way and walk the line between being fired and not, pushing as hard as you can. Or get fired and see what a big stink that makes, and use that stink to advocate. Take it to the newspapers. Take it to the community. Get interviewed on TV. Talk to all the other faculty. See if anyone will join you. Don’t just refuse to sign it and get quietly fired. Take the whole apartheid system down with you.
My prayers will be with you. Please make the world safe for me. Maybe then I’ll be able to rejoin the Christian community without them making me feel filthy and sick, no matter how often God reassures me. I kind of long for that day.
This response brought tears to my eyes. Your plea at the end is deeply moving!
Man. That made me cry.
Wow. You and your message are very inspirational and heart touching, Hannah. Thank you so much. We’ve got your back! God bless!
Hannah Grace,
Thank you for your gracious post. Your plea for us to make the world safe for you is one I take seriously. In work, leisure, social engagements and all settings, may I have the grace to work fearlessly for safety for you and all who feel isolated from their faith communities. The Episcopal Church and the United Churches of Christ (UCC) are both very open, nurturing communities. I am sure there are others. May you find a faith home that will allow you to know beyond any doubt, that are valuable, and you DO belong. I have real hope that I will live to see that day…and I will be 65 on 09/11. Hang on!
You absolutely must stop putting your GLBTQ friends in the position of providing their “blessings.” That’s just not fair to them. If you get nothing else out of this, then at least get that.
When someone says, “does this or that offend you?” it’s really difficult to look them in the eye and say “Yes!” (Not that I’ve never done that….)
This school does sound suspiciously familar and I have one question: Has your denomination changed its standards and the school hasn’t? If so then it’s time to call the denomination’s education board.
The reason I ask is that this person describes policies that were in effect at my alma mater and if they still require signatures on the Westminster standards, they are behaving in contravention to the denomination’s recently passed ammendment to its standards.
i was ashamed to admit that i didn’t understand that when you said it in a fb message, but i think i do now. is it a good thing or a bad thing to have gotten so far away from denominational politics that it’s now a foreign language to me?
anyway, this is a great idea!
One of the most powerful points of the article to me was that so many of this professor’s friends said “no, you’re not betraying us” Yes; he is..but the LGBT community is so used to being marginalized we are willing to take crumbs of compassion and “learn” to live with the hypocrisy of others. Of course it still stings, but we have been taught (desensitized) to put up with it and to even believe ourselves that we aren’t worth more. THANK you John for standing up for the principle that we are.
I think people also know what it’s like for losing their jobs i. violations of their fundamental human rights – and are therefore loathe to have anyone else face that needlessly.
But that’s even more reason for people to stand up and be counted. If the powers that be can do it to one person, they can do it to anybody. Therefore, by standing up, ultimately we serve everyone, including ourselves.
Yes, I know–it’s easier said than done.
Just a reason why Prof X’s friends are unlikely to say: “Yes, this is betrayal.” Because they don’t wish those consequences on anyone, from experience. I agree, it just means more people at risk of continuing persecution. His gay friends are going easy on him because they don’t want to be a burden.
Yeah, I see your point. It’s one thing to take such a burden on oneself–another thing to pressure a friend to do so.
Thank you so much, John. You went up big points in my book for this post.
Who says we don’t need straight martyrs? Perhaps your friends are being polite or don’t wish for doors which are closed for them to be closed for you. Perhaps they value you as a friend and don’t want you to move away. But consider, have you ever had to have been there for a student as your friends suggest that it is necessary for you to be? In that case, didn’t the student just transfer away? Who wants to stay where they’re clearly not welcome? What would that kid have to give up to stay? Go back in the closet? Who would encourage a gay kid to do that at that point in their life? “Well be proud of who you are, but only in certain situations. Gee golly, I’m glad I was here to give you that terrible advice.”
Perhaps your friends are still in the closet and not really qualified to speak about what the gay community needs right now (because we need the closet cases to be out at least as much as we need the straight allies to be out). We need straight allies. Public allies.
The sad truth about change is that people only become motivated to challenge the status quo when they feel it could threaten them. When a gay person is dismissed or expelled under this policy at least 75% of straight people are going to say, (at best) “Well that’s a tragedy, but it doesn’t affect me because I’m not gay.” But your situation can make it hit home to straight ally X that they actually need to get off their but & do something about this policy or it might affect them in a similar way.
If you do make a martyr out of yourself do it big. Sign the statement now but start gathering allies, get as many people, students & staff, and all go at once. A big mass exodus. March on campus. Call the press. Say loudly & in newspapers ENOUGH! I’m tired of selling my soul for the promise of job security. I DO NOT believe this.
Think of how powerful THAT image would be to little closet-case Johnny wasting away in this unhelpful university. Perhaps seeing a well respected professor take a stand for the dignity of his fellow man would give him the courage to leave that school and come out. That is how you can help the kids there. Not by selling your soul just in case one of them needs you, hypothetically. Besides there are gay people in your town, or at least nearby & if not that then allies, and they’re not going to leave that kid out in the cold just because a professor isn’t there to help him.
If you can’t get a bunch of people than do what John Shore suggests, but still, when you leave, make sure everyone in your pretty little town knows why. Having convictions closes doors, sure, but I’ve been there & I can provide some insight that your friends can’t or won’t: you won’t regret it.
This is a great comment.
I’m inspired by your commitment, Prof. X, if you’d be willing to risk your job for LGBT people. That’s truly Christlike. It’s easy to quote the Bible, to say, “Seek first the Kingdom and all this shall be added to you.” But to actually follow through requires real guts. I’m really moved by the solidarity.
I think it’s so true that, sooner or later, whatever our core values are will be tested. If we say we believe something, there will always come a day or a situation which will test it. And then we’ll know how true our “statement of faith” is or not. For someone to hold fast to a core belief (that you really, really REALLY do believe) means at some point being willing to lay down your life (or your job, or a relationship, or church membership, or fill-in-the-blank) for it. Perhaps that’s what Jesus meant when He told us to be willing to lose our life for His sake, to lay down our lives for our friends, to take up our cross, etc. He certainly did demonstrate it.
Your response was right on, John. I hope he will take heed and save his integrity while there’s time.
The professor should remember the words of Martin Luther. “Here I stand. I can do no other.”
The college he speaks of sounds eerily like the one my child is attending. The thing that disturbs me is that the children going to these places are getting brainwashed into believing the same right-wing nut ideas. But the thing with us is, we can’t afford to go somewhere else, and my once open-minded and loving child is now arguing with me about what is and isn’t in the Bible.
This professor would be in a much better position to advocate for change in an institution like this, than a child who is just trying to get an education. But I agree how tough this is.
I pray that the best and most edifying answer will come to him.
John, you need an “Applause Button” on here!!
I was wanting so much to stand up and applaud your original answer! (Something I tend to want to do a lot when I read your blog) I did, but my dogs were the only ones to see! 
….I needed to say that and to again say “Thank You!”…just for being there! As always a BIG FAN in Colorado!
“That place is ridiculously beautiful; it looks like where the children raised in all those idyllic cottages painted by Thomas Kinkade matriculate.” This part of your response, John, makes me pretty sure I went to this college. I do not know what, if anything, professors have to sign. Perhaps all of us who give to our colleges and universities need to find out and decide whether or not to continue giving.
John, if I had received an e-mail like this I would have been confounded. But then I remembered something that happened to me earlier in my career. I was the Controller of a company that owned major market radio stations. We had this station in San Francisco that had a very edgy and provocative morning show. One day, one of the hosts of the show made some very disparaging comments about gay people. The gay community in San Francisco was outraged and turned their sights not only on the host, but also the corporate office. I attended a meeting with the SF Human Rights Council (yes, they actually have that in SF!) with our CEO, who at the time was probably in his mid-40′s. I was in my early 30′s and had worked very closely with him for about five years, but I had never told him I was gay. After the meeting, he was sort of traumatized. Honestly, I had never seen him shaken like that. When I sat down in his office with him and asked what was on his mind, he said he was shocked that people might actually listen to the radio, hear something derogatory about gay people and then use that as justification for violence.
I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it…and I had most certainly never been asked to sign anything year after year…but I knew the time had come. I told him that I knew quite personally that what people are told by people they like, respect or even consider heroes can lead to some sort of legitimization of their own fears and hate. And that can lead to violence. I told him I was gay and that if our company did not draw a line in the sand right there, I would have to resign. That was the best job I have EVER had. The CEO was the founder and I was the first person he hired. We and a handful of others had built this company together. It would have broken my heart to leave it. But it was a moment of truth for me and I will never forget it. I was not fired and we started having a conversation among the senior management team about our values and just what kind of entertainment we wanted to put on our stations. We sold that company and to this day almost everyone I know who worked there said it was pretty damn special.
The admonishment and counsel you gave to this professor was absolutely brilliant. I think the reason he wrote to you is because his conscience is at some sort of tipping point and, hopefully, your words will be just what he needed to hear. I definitely think he should be responsible and have a job in his back pocket when he does this, but it’s time for him to sit down with the leadership of his school and tell them he can’t sign that accursed form ever again. Tell them he wants to stay and it might break his heart to leave, but he feels the institution’s position on this matter is wrong and he cannot support it. He can no longer be a part of it. And let the chips fall where they may.
Bless you for your wisdom and amazing way of expressing it. And good luck to this dear professor who’s angst is an obvious symptom of a good heart.
I adore and agree with every word of this comment.
Wow. That was awesome. Thank you, Gordon.
Absolutely Gordon, and it is exactly when we are approaching our personal tipping points in our lives that we need support, and even some prodding, to make the hard but correct choices.
I can see that you are in a very distressing place! As a student at a very liberal (on the whole, at least at the professor level) Christian university in Canada, I am incredibly lucky to be part of a community where all are welcome. However, even at my school, we are not yet speaking out against LGBTQ discrimination. We do not have any LGBTQ groups or Gay-straight alliances (probably partly because we’re a VERY small school); we do not have many conferences or talks or plays on the issue. Some professors do engage in gay-supportive research. But I can’t imagine the dilemma you face.
I somewhat disagree with John’s simplistic statement of “what you’re doing is wrong and you know it so get out”. There are other options that you can take to maintain your integrity. Quitting is one option, and if the dilemma is bothering you profoundly, as the very fact that you are asking this question suggests to me, then perhaps quitting is the correct option. But what about becoming an agent of change? Perhaps look for work as you do this, as there is a good chance you would get fired. As a university, I’m pretty sure they can’t fire you until your contract comes up again next year, so you could do this like start a GSA on campus, put up a rainbow flag on your office, meet with administrators to express your concerns, teach your students about Biblical support for gays and how loving your neighbour includes those of non-exclusively- heterosexual orientations. You might get fired, but you might not – perhaps by the grace of God you are exactly what they need right now. And if you are not, then you will leave behind a wake which may propel change once the community is ready for it.
Good luck. God be with you.
Um … I didn’t actually say “What you’re doing is wrong and you know it so get out.” That would be simplistic. Which is … you know: why I didn’t say it.
How about a third option?
Try to find out how many of your colleagues also aren’t honest signers of the pledge or at least believe that it is unfair to demand that professors sign it. If you can find enough people like that, maybe you can persuade the management to change their policy about the pledge. Maybe you can even organize a strike – some of the students would support you. Just an idea.
You are worried about betraying your friends as you betray your God?
You have a little smug on your chin.
Yes, there, right next to that self-righteous pomposity.
You might want to look into having that taken care of. It’s seriously unattractive, but relatively easily treated.
I think the only smugness here is the one where someone thinks the word of God is less important than some misplaced human guilt.
Shame on you, Amber. First of all, you can’t prove that your English translation of the Bible is the “word of God.” Second, it’s obvious you care more about what some ancient outdated text says than actually loving your neighbor. Jesus would have had some words for you.
Hmmm… if by “word of god” you mean the bible, it actually does seem rather concerned with how we treat other people, even when they are our friends. The fact that you see this person’s concern for the outcast, marginalized and persecuted as irrelevant to the bible’s message and God’s word is quite disturbing.
See also: Good Shepherd, Good Samaritan, Healing on the Sabbath, Sheep and Goats, and Eyes, Planks In.
If you claim to honor the Bible and think that the Bible tells you the rules are more important than your fellow human beings, you haven’t been paying attention, and need to start over. You have it very, very wrong.
Amber, I can appreciate your reaction too the sarcastic tone, which was a reflection of your own, but the smugness lies in thinking you have listened more for the word of God than others have. The seriousness of this listening is the reason we should not take the Name in vain. When I listen, I hear words like _let justice flow down like a cataract and right doing rise like an artesian spring_. The gentleman writing the letter seems concerned with this question. You may wish to ask the One if you are as well.
If you looked using a microscope, Amber doesn’t have a trace of compassion for gay men and women. There is no decency in these people. It’s so gross.
As a student at a Christian college, we all signed pledges that we wouldn’t attend movies, but a critical mass of us were going to the movies all the time. I even worked as a movie usher while covered by the I-won’t-see-movies pledge.
Not exactly the same thing as what the prof is facing, but there is a degree of nonsense that goes along with being part of many evangelical communities. And yet, the desire to remain a part of these communities is strong; I left the Christian college for a semester, and though I did just fine at a large public university, I wanted to get back to the first school.
Sometimes your family is a bunch of crazed right-wingers, but you still want to spend Thanksgiving with them, and so you deal with it because there’s something bigger going on. If it’s true of families, it is also true with the churches we attend and the Bible studies we are part of.
Hopefully the prof arrives at an answer he is comfortable with. It is more complicated than you can know. While it’s easy to say “just leave”, there are impacts to leaving.
“but there is a degree of nonsense that goes along with being part of many evangelical communities…”
I totally get the going to movies anyway bit, but the degree of complacency that goes with the (sometimes extremely harmful) “nonsense” does really bother me. Accepting it might be the right choice at times, but it should never be easy. Sometimes it feels like we are (collectively) giving in too much to the idea that that nonsense is unimportant and normal.
He already has “an answer he is comfortable with” and that’s the problem. He compromises his integrity because it’s easier than risking what might happen if he disagrees with the College’s anti-gay policy. It’s time for him (and all of us) to stand up and be counted.
He hardly seems comfortable with it.
It’s harder, but I think both worthwhile and necessary, to build families that treat us as we want to be treated, instead of continuing to attend Thanksgiving with abusive families and making excuses.
Also, if people of faith sequester themselves, how can they let their light shine before others? In part you found the public college less satisfying because the people like you had all opted out of public college.
Back when I was a part of institutional religion, I “co-pastored” with a man I consider to be a generally honorable Christian. Yet, he was willing to sign a document containing statements he totally disagreed with in order to “hook-up” with an established denomination. Knowing and working with this man for years, I was somewhat blown away by that. But that’s what religion does. It teaches you to calculate morality. You learn all the “legal” loopholes in your belief system (See my article “Smoking, Sex, and Dung” http://lifewalkblog.wordpress.com/2009/05/27/smoking-sex-and-dung-a-look-at-grace/ ).
I do like, John, that you didn’t say “Get out NOW, or you’re a scum-bag.” Issues dealing with our livelihood are easy for someone ELSE to decide. But I do agree he should commit to getting out within a certain time frame.
Good article. Thanks for sharing!
Sad, isn’t it? Doesn’t Christianity attempt to teach us the exact oppose of the loop-hole mentality?
The written code kills, but the spirit gives life. I suppose one person’s loophole is another person’s grace. That is why I wish to leave judgement to the Lamb that was slain who stands beside the throne. For me, it is a fearful thing to hear the thunder that comes from the throne. It makes me more careful considering my first impressions.
I took the reference to “loop-holes” above not as getting away with something (which could be viewed as grace), but as “how to justify doing what you (should) know as wrong 101″. Looper-holers (ooh, I like that term) are using the letter of the rules to ignore the intent.
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