[UPDATE: The professor who wrote the letter has responded here.]
Dear John Shore,
It’s taken me forever to write this, because it will reveal me to be a whiny, privileged, guilt-ridden wimp. But I’m writing it anyway. I guess because I’m such a wimp I can’t even stand up to my desire to not be revealed as a wimp. Go figure.
I’m serious about being a Christian and have, like many of your readers, grown to fully support LGBT folks in the church. What a laughable sentence that is, because I’m a professor at a Christian College that requires each annual contract renewal to include reaffirmation of a denominational statement declaring same sex relationships morally illegitimate. Yes, like most Christian colleges, we must sign a document of community beliefs and expectations that clearly states this. I feel like a traitor and a liar every time.
I love my job. I believe in Christian higher education, and this college is pretty moderate. People are kind here and I have academic freedom to pursue what I love. The school is progressive on a number of church-y issues, like the leadership and dignity of women. The students are great people, my colleagues include my closest friends, it’s an affordable region of the country with a lot of natural beauty.
It’s okay with me that I’m more liberal than most around here, because I’m not the only one, and I have a ton of social capital and good will built up in the community; I don’t need everyone to agree with me on everything. I think most people know how I feel about queer Christians (or at least wouldn’t be shocked). I seem to be free to speak my opinion in personal conversation, but if I publicly advocated for institutional change (or didn’t sign the statement) my job would be in jeopardy. I’m up for tenure in three months, but tenure wouldn’t protect me on this one. And it’s once again contract renewal time.
Every year (I’ve been here a long time) I sign my name to a document that includes a sentence I consider unjust and wicked. Every year I ask gay friends: “Am I betraying you? Are you hurt by this? I remain employed by an institution that wouldn’t hire you, that would fire you, that requires all of us to sign a document that says you and your spouse’s love is sinful. Tell me what to do! Tell me to quit and I will!”
Every year (I think they’re getting tired of my pathetic begging for absolution) my gay friends are incredibly gracious and supportive and caring: “No, you aren’t betraying us. We love you and know you’re stuck in a difficult place. We need allies in hostile territory. You need to be there for the students when they come out. You’re not expected to be the straight martyr for the gay cause.” Etc.
But recently a person I respect (a reader of your blog) responded: “No, you’re not betraying me. But I’m worried about you, are you betraying yourself?”
This haunting prophetic question is one I will have to answer myself. So I’m not asking for feedback on that one. But I am asking for something.
Sometimes you post reader mail on your blog, and the responses are diverse, enlightening, and (usually) on point. I’ve benefited many times from the conversation around your blog. I’m sure your blogging schedule is stacked up way into the future, and you hear from people with much worse problems than mine. But if you get a slow news day, and threw my dilemma in front of your readers, maybe the responses could help me and others like me who feel stuck. Skewer me, support me, laugh at me, preach at me, identify with me, feel sorry for me, dismiss me … I promise to put it all to good use. I’m not at peace and would like to be, and input from outside my head usually serves me well.
So here’s the heart of it: am I perpetuating injustice in the name of Christ by continuing to work for a Christian institution that requires its employees to do this as a condition of employment?
I really value your voice and the conversations it provokes. Thanks,
Dear Guy Who Wrote Me This,
I mean … your question is so simple a child could answer it. By signing a statement which declares same-sex relationships morally illegitimate of course you’re betraying yourself and your gay friends. Of course you’re perpetuating injustice in the name of Christ by continuing to work for a Christian institution that requires its employees to sign such a reprehensible statement.
But you already know it’s wrong to sign that document. What you don’t know and are seeking clarity on is the relationship between the amount of wrong done by signing it versus the amount of good you get in exchange for doing so. You know it’s wrong to sign the paper; you just don’t know if it’s so wrong that you should quit your job over it.
That’s a terrible calculation to even consider making. It’s predicated upon your honor being a tradeable commodity. You should never trade your honor for material gain. In this life who you are morally is all you have. It’s everything. It’s the irreducible island you live on. You crap on that, and there’s no avoiding the stink of it in your own nostrils.
Don’t do that to yourself. You really are better than that.
Besides, it’s not like signing that document is keeping you safe. In the short run it does, yes. But it’s like escaping a lightening storm by ducking into a cave in the back of which a bear is sleeping. You’re safe as long as that bear doesn’t wake up. But sooner or later it will. And then you’re bear chow.
The inviolate Rule of Life is that everything you do that’s morally wrong comes back to bite you on the butt. And as surely as one day follows the next you will be called upon to publicly toe your school’s party line on the gay issue. There’s no predicting when or how it will happen; there’s only the certainty that it will. The gay issue is too huge for it not to. It’s already creating all kinds of storms on Christian campuses across the country. (See They’re here; they’re queer; they’ve plenty to fear: LGBT students form secret club at conservative Christian university for just one instance.) That wind will blow across your campus. And when it does your employers will not allow you to “be there” for anyone coming out. They’ll expect you to be there for them. And rightfully so. You signed a document guaranteeing that you would be. You gave your word that you would defend your school’s policy on homosexuality.
And the day upon which you are called to do that will be a very dark day for you indeed. In deed.
Avoid that day, friend. Start looking for another job. Sign your school’s anti-gay document one more time if you must, but make that your last time. That will give you a year to find a job where getting paid doesn’t require first swapping spit with Satan. I appreciate that you have a cherry job. Your email to me included a link to the school at which you work. That place is ridiculously beautiful; it looks like where the children raised in all those idyllic cottages painted by Thomas Kinkade matriculate. But that’s how real evil works, isn’t it? It makes you think that by trading your integrity you’re trading up. It looks so innocent. It offers so much. It makes it so easy to justify its requisite ounce of flesh.
But from that ounce a great wound is sure to grow.
I say give yourself a year to get out.
Anyone else?
My response to the idea, quite prevalent in the comments, that our friend here should stay where he is and be a “light in the darkness” is here. Thanks, guys.
![John Shore on The Huffington Post](http://johnshore.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/huffpost.jpg?w=120 "John Shore on The Huffington Post\")
{ 291 comments… read them below or add one }
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Hey, Professor X. With classes well underway, I can’t help but reflect on how free *you* will feel once you can use your real name. I hope you’ve enacted your plan. An academic year flies by.
Only one question: would a suicide of a gay person on your campus change your feelings about signing the document?
I usually enjoy John’s blog and reader comments. This blog and accompanying comments are rather disappointing. In my opinion, signing that statement means nothing. We sign documents every day. We don’t read half of them. We just sign. Have you ever purchased a house? Did you read every single word on those loan papers? Do you use facebook? Do you use phone apps? You’re consenting to things every day and you often aren’t even sure of what you’re signing.
Mr. Professor, you obviously care about the impact you have on your students. I think you can have a larger impact on the student body as a whole if you stay in your position. Sure, you can refuse to sign that letter and it might be in the news for a day or two. But life at the college will go on as usual and you’ll be nothing but a vague memory.
I had crappy instructors, mediocre instuctors, and incredibly awesome instructors. The awesome instuctors could teach without their students knowing their personal philosophies. Those instructors accepted their students just as they were. Fat, thin, black, white, brown, male, female, smart, struggling, rich, poor, young, old, disabled, gay, staight, questioning, or any other label you can think of. We didn’t need to know whether the instuctor had signed a paper documenting his beliefs. We didn’t need to know what he signed because we already knew what he believed. His behaviour told us everything we needed to know. The behaviour showed us his acceptance of our differences.
Signing that piece of paper is just words on paper. That paper does not define you. Not signing it to prove a point doesn’t mean much. It’s how you go about your day, how you treat others. How you love and respect differences. How you communicate that love. Those are things that matter. Those are things that will affect me as you student, your co-worker, or your neighbour.
Good luck with your journey.
Hmmm. If I choose to not read the fine print of various financial instruments (but I recently bought a house and I actually did read every single word!) or terms/agreements of products I use (I totally don’t read those lol!), that’s not really the same thing as this contract in question. The kinds of documents you offer for comparison don’t contain judgments of others in them.
Karen, would I be guessing right to think you’re probably heterosexual? If so, please know that those contracts (tangible and not) cause real wounds to those (LGBTQ) who are made illegitimate in them. If you do identify as L or G or B or T or Q, I’m curious to know how you can shrug such a signature off as meaningless.
I agree that our actions and interactions matter most. But I see that signature on that contract as a pretty powerful action. (Actually, a refusal to sign would be even more powerful!)
No Mindy, I’m bisexual. I’ve spent 10 years in longterm relationships with women. I’ve spent 30 years having sexual relations with women and men. I am currently with a man. I have always been out with regard to my sexual orientation. I have been called “sir” far more often than “ma’am”.
I am more than simply a sexual creature. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. I’m a recovering alcoholic. I am a person diagnosed with a mental illness. I am a survivor of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. I have been arrested and jailed. I have been in mental institutions. I’ve been homeless, a prostitute, and a thief. I tell you this because of what else I am. I am an RN. I became an RN after I got sober. I have worked in places where I have had to lie on applications. It used to torment me. But you know what? I’m a great nurse. I have recovered from a lot of things. My experiences have helped me help others. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to help these people had I been honest on applications or during interviews.
For me, there is a bigger picture. I can take a stand and be truthful on an application. I can argue discrimination. But who am I helping and who am I hurting? Once hired and coworkers get to know me, I share my story. I have been able to educate so many people. People who would have previously considered me undesirable and unemployable. Yes, it would be great if we were hired solely on our merit. Change wiil come from both ouside an institution and from within. The quiet voice from within can be as powerful as the voice without.
Thanks for sharing all that, Karen. I hope my question didn’t offend. I was puzzled and sincerely curious, and as I am trying to find my own place of balance on the continuum that contains both tolerance and tacit support of injustice.
I still see this contract as different than those you describe, including job applications. But I’m glad you have found a purpose and a way to turn tough experiences towards helping others.
Hi…
Wow… As a gay person, I chose to come out at every single job I have had… and when I chose to work with Homeless Teens and then later as a Social Worker with impoverished families, I came out during the interviews… which put my financial well being on the line. (But then I work non-profit so that itself put my financial well being on the line… and I was an atheist… go figure. Now, I am a theist.)
It was not courage that led me to come out. It was… something else, the need to live my life as honestly as possible… the need to make my inside and my outside match… so that my words were given meaning by my actions. Integrity maybe…
But then no one is perfect… I recently sort of forced an ex-bf of mine to come out to his passively-aggressive homophobic church. It was the wrong thing to do… (I was acting like a wounded seven year old… because part of me is a wounded seven year old). But I did it.
It is not about walking the walk perfectly. It is about doing what you can do. It might be that you are beginning to realize that you no longer “fit” at your University and maybe it is time for you to move on.
But the gay rights movement does not need another Martyr to the cause… there have been too many… too many Gay Men died in the AIDS epidemic before the people in the USA decided that we might be human, too many gay kids are bullied into believing the only way out is death and too many of us deal daily with the legal and social indignities of being hated. So don’t do anything hasty…
I lovingly want to let you know, that it is ok. You will do the right thing… cause I think you are already are…
Love
Robert
I could probably write a couple of thousand words on this. I found what Blake had to say similar to my own comments. But before I write, I agree with Mr. Shores’s prescription. However…
As I was reading the author asking “Am I betraying you”, I was thinking “No, but you’re betraying yourself if you’ve been speaking the truth about your beliefs about gay people.” And then you said it yourself.
Let’s consider this: your school is of the uber-Luther, Jews are devils type. They ask you to sign a statement saying that you believe that the Jews were responsible for the death of Christ, and are “of the devil” (courtesy of another, Gospellier John) for their deliberate rejection of the totality of Christian belief, not just the itty bitty little ditty of conservative, anti-gay belief. What would you do then? Why is this different? Theological beliefs about gay people NOW mimic antiSemitic beliefs THEN. And no matter how much they want to put moral lipstick on this theological pig, it’s still cherry picking questionable translations in the bible to justify a deeply held, unquestioned social prejudice.
So, what to do? Do you sign it, lying to your employer, incidentally bearing false witness against your gay neighbor, and immorally support a “morality” which you know to be morally bankrupt? Should you do something that costs YOU something, as opposed to paying for your fake morality with the easy coin of other people’s lives? Do you reject it, doing something that speaks truth to power, loving your gay neighbor as you would like to be loved, when it inconveniences YOU?
What I see is what you can’t see. Welcome to OUR world. Honey, you’re in the closet!!! How does it feel?
Am I being too rough? Maybe. But then, I’m not speaking from the security of the closet. I’m an out and proud gay man who has been fighting this battle for 40 years. We gay people have had to endure the consequences of homohatred our whole lives. Yet we still stand and fight., waiting for more heterosexuals to catch up.
Don’t worry about your gay friends hating you for your lack of courage. We make excuses for the bad behaviour of heterosexuals all of the time.
Professor, my grandfather is a retired Baptist minister. He once got kicked out of the Baptist convention and fired over a speech he gave saying that he thought blacks should be welcome in the church. Not very popular back then, but it was pioneers like him that made the push for blacks. Guess what, he found another job in another church and he is very well respected. He made a stand that was very unpopular and got him fired. But in the end, he helped opened a door that was nailed shut. Now the situation is not about blacks, but gays. Still the Christian folks that spew out hate and shame on them feel about the same. They fear that these people will somehow corrupt their churches and their country. No one person can open a door that has so many nails with so much hate and so much fear behind it. But you can make a difference. There are many ways. Your friends, because they love you will never ask that you take out that claw hammer because they don’t want you to suffer the consequence. However, it is also so easy for us that don’t know your situation and finances to just tell them no and be fired. You are in that proverbial spot between a rock and a hard place. But I will say this, I am very proud of my grandpa, but back in the day, I am sure he felt a lot like you. He must have known what might happen, but he did it anyway. He must have had many sleepless nights. But in the end, he did it. And he did it in a really big way. I like that part the best. He could have just told his church, or the board or at a church meeting, but that is not how he did it. He said his piece where he had a lot of listeners. I think by doing that, he took out more than just one nail out of that door. It caused a lot of talk, a lot of rifts, a lot of thinking, and a lot of talk, and my oh my, look at us now!! Maybe you could just sit quietly at that desk and refuse to sign, and they tell you good bye, and go out in a whisper. Or….or just maybe you could be talking to a larger group, a group that you may be able to reach, a group that will listen, and explain how this is wrong. Yeah, in all likely hood they will not react lovingly as we want, but you can take out a lot more nails that way. So think about it, pray about it. You are in a very important position and undoubtedly, you have a lot of respect, influence, and admiration. But with that comes great responsibility. I think you were put there for a reason. I think you can really make a difference. And, I think I was supposed to write you this letter. Boy, did I ever get the easy part, huh?
I wish you the best!!
I love your comments John-
I would say to the man- “what would Jesus do?” he could have said he “wasnt God” but he chose not to- look where that led to.
I am not “Christian”, nor am I gay. But I think that all beliefs are held at a price. Christ, Buddha, and even Professor X pay the price one way or another.
There was a time when Christians were feared, shunned, hunted and murdered (martyred). People were forced to sign testaments that they were not Christians or face imprisonment, banishment or death. And then the tables turned… And “Christians” took up the tactics of their persecutors.
Agreeing to persecute others is the price people pay for conformity. Read Margaret Heffernan’s “Wilful Blindness” to understand why. But your Spirit did not come to this place to be a prisoner in Paradise. There is a more ascendant purpose. When the time is right, your Spirit will tell you what to do. Trust in it, Professor.
wow…..just.wow…”and then the tables turned….and “Christians” took up the tactics of their persecutors”…..so true…..
Will someone unpack QUILTBAGS for me? I have tried to figure out that acronym for days now….
Queer/Questioning
Unsure/Undecided
Intersex
Lesbian
Transsexual/Transgendered
Bisexual
Asexual/Allies
Gay
I know some on here don’t prefer it, but I like it when I’m referring to people of all orientations, not just LGBT. Some prefer queer as a catch-all term, but others still find that term offensive due to its origin as a slur. But what can I say? That’s the problem with political correctness. There’s always going to be someone you can’t please, because everyone has hangups about something.
I think i read that the S can be Straight and then it includes everyone.
“undecided” makes it sound like a choice. “allies” would often not make sense in context. and people don’t seem to agree about what all those letters stand for. I just can’t stand the acronym.
Can’t we just say LBGTQIA, then, or any other order that doesn’t spell a ridiculous word?
Dear Professor – I’m very glad you wrote to John. (Dear John – I pretty much LOVE your response.)
My suggestion: watch the original Horton Hears a Who. Think about who is in danger on that dustspeck. (Yes, it’s me, a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with another woman. But is it also not you?) Think about what’s needed to save the beings on that dustspeck. (Not silence!!) Think about what happens to those vicious monkeys when they finally hear the YOP! which had broken through because one more voice was added. (They stood down, surrendered, viciousness folded.)
I re-watched part of “Milk” (movie about Harvey Milk, first openly gay public official) at the gym this morning, thinking about this Professor’s dilemma and question. I openly wept on the treadmill.
What was needed then was for gay people to come out of the closet. What is needed now is for straight allies to do the same!
‘Tis not my place to ask you to sacrifice, Professor, but I would ask you to watch the movie “Milk.” After you watch Horton, of course.
One last request: read this post by Gareth Higgins written shortly after Tyler Clementi died in 2010.
http://godisnotelsewhere.wordpress.com/2010/10/04/tyler-clementi-and-you/
In it, Gareth assumes part of the responsibility for Tyler’s death on his own shoulders by acknowledging all the moments he (Gareth) was silent when he could have spoken out in clear support of all those who do not identify as a heterosexual. A quote: “[This]… is a story about the role that bad religion – most of it Christian – has played in creating a culture of shame around sex and sexual identity in America, and the distortions of human happiness that pass for healthy religious practice.”
Please keep us posted, Professor. I do not walk in your shoes… I only ask that you be aware of how your actions — and those of your college and your religion — affects me. (I live in North Carolina, where Amendment One was recently passed.)
I’ve never had to sign documents or statements regarding my religious beliefs or “moral stance” for any of the various jobs I’ve had over the years. But, at my last job, I was “punished” by having my hours cut because I wasn’t “pushing” one of the products my employer expected me to sell. (Most of my clients were repeats, meaning they had used my services for several years – so how and why the company expected me to talk them into paying for a ‘re-check’ of previous years’ work, I don’t know.) Luckily, I was less than a year away from SS (survivors’ benefits) so I was able to simply walk away from the job. But I know it’s not that simple for most people when it comes to working – they NEED the job.
Sorry, the above really has no answers for the letter writer. I’d say that the professor needs to consider what really means more to him – the job or his personal integrity.
fascinating discussion. i don’t know i have anything to contribute to it, but i’ve come to the position that the institutional church (even though i’m an active member of an institutional church–perhaps i’ll have to resolve this some day) isn’t exactly what Jesus had in mind; the institutional church is a worldly thing… “render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s,” said Jesus. so as “dishonest” as signing the pledge and not believing it might be, is it any different from my paying taxes to support a war that i don’t think is right? i don’t know the answer.
Thank you John, well put.
I finally stepped forward and spoke. Like the silent professor who signs his name to a promise he despises, I sat and lived with folks who were either quiet in the face of hideous discrimination towards LGBTQ children of God or were aggressively verbal about their condemnation. I said nothing for years.
Then I stepped forward and spoke. I took the risk to reveal to others, the church and the world that I am gay. I took the risk of losing much more than my salary. I don’t share this to imply I’m some kind of saint or something. I simply share these words to say….there is life to be lived after speaking the truth. There is life on the other side of pretense and denial
The life on the other side of silence, on the other side of holding it in, on the other side of having non-truths shoved down your throat…..well the other side is freedom.
Without judgement….I encourage you, silent professor, to do what you have already written….what you have already asked one like me to say to you. Go to another field and live with freedom. It is really, really, really worth it.
I am now the first out gay minister in the region of South Jersey. It was all worth the risk to speak and live the truth.
Peace!
y’all ever in need of a staff person, give me a holler!
..or two!
Whoa. WHOA! This is an extremely strong testimony.
What do you mean? Did I say something wrong? I’m already paranoid about this whole situation…explain what you mean. UGH!?!?
No, my comment was in response to Blake’s testimony. (You can tell by looking at the feint vertical line to the left of a comment to whom that comment refers, if you see what I mean.)
Sorry:-(
When I was a lot younger, just one week before my ordination to diaconate, I was obliged by the Roman Catholic Church of France to swear that I was not a modernist. All the postulants asked the Priests in front of us “what is a modernist?” The answer was pretty evasive. Now I am a Bishop in another Church, a catholic independent one. This mental manipulation from Rome helped me to leave when I became ready to do so. Now St Peter’s ship is sinking with all the RCC on board. Keep cool. You have learned how to swim, and they don’t know it.
“The Most Reverend Father Francois.” Man. I am so changing my name right now. And going to seminary. And becoming French. It would so be worth it just to have that on my business cards and letterhead.
Thanks for writing, Father.
“You have learned how to swim, and they don’t know it.”
What an awesome comment! And how true it is of all oppressive powers– they simply don’t get it. It is their undoing.
As Professor X indicates that he is a follower of Christ, then the words of Christ’s instructions to those who name Christ’s name, should be paramount in his mind:
“Simply let your yes, mean yes and your no, mean no. Anything else comes from a place of inappropriate intent.” Matthew 5:37
Words have power. Our signatures hold the same power in that by our signature our words are forever recorded on an official document attesting that this is our belief.
“For what does it profit a person to gain the whole world, yet lose their own soul?” Matthew 16:26
Rev. Robert Coats,
Minister
Metropolitan Community Church of Boston
“Simply let your yes, mean yes and your no, mean no. Anything else comes from a place of inappropriate intent.” Matthew 5:37
Hard words to live by, but SO healthy for the spirit!
Gee! I think I said that on page 2 of the comments but my quote was from James 5:12. Glad to see an actual Reverend agreeing with me after someone else went all nit picky and straw man argument on my comment.
Are you meaning me, there? Because your original comment implied that signing a document was akin to swearing an oath and was therefore, in itself, forbidden, which I contested. I simply said that signing a document was equivalent to saying “yes”, just in writing.
On the idea of “yes meaning yes and no meaning no”, in writing or otherwise, I think that, like any “rule” there is such a thing as applying it to rigidly. I mean, if a person puts a gun to your head and says “is your family hiding in the closet” you aren’t going to let your “yes man yes”, so to speak. I believe there is a legitimate defense in lying to escape violence, injustice or oppression (whether you consider Professor X to be in this position is another matter, but one that can be considered). Jesus isn’t addressing that in the instance quoted. It’s not the letter of the law, but the spirit.
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