17
Nov
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Autobiography, Poems, Vultures, Writing. Tagged: vulture, vultures. 19 Comments
This is the second part of A Vulture Tried to Eat My Face.
Having beaten myself into exhaustion
ascending a mountain I had no place on
a shadow slid across my path
before a lord of the sky descended to hover
just out of arm’s reach
a vulture, majestic and hideous
head cocked
blinking its oily black eyes at me
unabashedly curious
“Oh, my God!” I [...]
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14
Nov
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Autobiography, Vultures. 15 Comments
As my regular readers know, I never, ever, in even the slightest possible way, exaggerate. So you can believe me when I tell you that yesterday a vulture tried to gobble my visage.
I was on my health walk. I was on a trail in the mountains near where I live, probably a mile and a half [...]
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22
Oct
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Christianity, Dogs, Misc. Humor. 24 Comments
As I promised in my recent post I’ve Finally Gone to the Dogs, here are the Godly Lessons I learned from a white poodle I called Munch over the two weeks (which ended yesterday) in which she was in my care:
Just like Munch loved chasing me, running from me, barking at me, and biting my [...]
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11
Oct
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Autobiography, Christianity, Dogs, Misc. Humor. 8 Comments
A while back I told some Christian publishing and writing muck-a-mucks with whom I was having lunch that Crosswalk.com had engaged me to write a blog for them (everything I post here on “Suddenly Christian” also runs on Crosswalk and Christianity.com).
“Oh, no,” said one of my lunch-mates, an author of “Christian Living”-type books. “I’ve done [...]
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19
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Misc. Humor, Politics. Tagged: Barack Obama, John McCain, McCain, Obama, star-nosed mole. 17 Comments
Ineffectually threatening. Operates underground. Totally blind. Slings mud. Grabby. Extremely uncuddly. Probably the result of inbreeding.
(This, by the way, is a star-nosed mole. They can smell underwater, are impervious to weather, and are the fastest-eating mammals on the planet. Be afraid. Photo [and article here] by the great Kenneth Catania.)
Related posts: What Obama Supporters Look Like To [...]
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17
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Misc. Humor, Politics. Tagged: Barack Obama, John McCain, McCain, Obama, Obama supporters, sheep dog. 24 Comments
Moronically loyal. Dreadlocked. Blind. Prone to fleas. High maintenance. Hot.
(Thanks, Jon Gilbert!)
See also: And Finally: What McCain Supporters Look Like To Obama, How John McCain Sees Barack Obama, How Barack Obama Sees John McCain, What Hillary Looks Like in Obama’s Dreams, What Obama Looks Like In Hillary’s Dreams.
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16
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Misc. Humor, Politics. Tagged: anolotl, Barack Obama, John McCain, neotenic salamanders. 32 Comments
The above is a picture of:
A. How John Mcain Sees Barack Obama: lightweight, disconcertingly cute, easily squashable, just a shade too pale
B. The most adorable little thing ever to eat its way through your intestines
C. An axolotl, the best-known of the Mexican neotenic mole salamanders
D. Your brain on drugs
Related (as in Just As Stupid) posts: And Finally: [...]
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14
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Politics. Tagged: Barack Obama, blobfish, John McCain, McCain, Obama. 17 Comments
This is:
A. How Barack Obama sees John McCain
B. How John McCain sees Bill Clinton
C. How Bill Clinton sees Monica Lewinsky
D. How Monica Lewinskly sees Jenny Craig
E. How Jenny Craig sees everybody
F. All of the above
G. A blogfish
H. A blobfish
Think I missed something? Tell me what!
Related (as in Just As Stupid) posts: How John McCain Sees [...]
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13
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Politics. Tagged: Barack Obama, clinton, dumbo octopus, hillary clinton, Obama. 15 Comments
This is:
A. How Hillary Clinton sees Barack Obama: cute; makes everyone feel good; lacks legs;
B. The star of the new Pixar movie: “Smerdly, the Littlest Nose Picker”
C. A lot less fun to step on than you’d think
D. A Venusian who’s polite enough not to point
E. The result of a date gone terribly wrong for Thing from the Adamms [...]
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12
Jun
Posted by John Shore in Animals, Politics. Tagged: aye-aye, Barack Obama, clinton, hillary clinton, Obama. 37 Comments
This is:
A. What Hillary Clinton looks like in Barack Obama’s dreams
B. Batman in his much, much later years
C. The love child of E. T. and Liza Minnelli
D. The pet mouse of Barry Bonds
E. Me, suffering God’s punishment for making jokes at the expense of others
F. Satan’s little bundle of joy, Beelzebubby
G. An Aye-aye, the world’s largest nocturnal primate, native [...]
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