Archive for the ‘Autobiography’ Category

Star-Crossed

Lately some have complained that I (via posts like this,this, and this) have been entirely too obnoxious to New Agers.
To which I say: Hey, if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the supernova.
But that’s really more of an astronomy joke. Which, as you see, are impossible to make funny. Unlike astrology jokes, which even [...]

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Spaghetti Sauce; Disgusting Jokes; Love

As I write this, my wife Cat is in the kitchen making spaghetti sauce.
I just said to her, “Are you feeling saucy?” In response she gave me that look she gives me when she wants to help me understand the wearying depth of her burden.

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“Worst Night Ever” + Possible Torn Retina = Visit to ER for My Unhappy Wife

(This is a continuation of my recent posts about my wife Catherine, who last week underwent a surgery for which she spent three days and two nights hospitalized. Now she’s home for two weeks healing.)
Cat’s fine. And she doesn‘t have a torn retina. But on Sunday morning, pale and soaked, she told me she’d just [...]

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Why Can’t I Have Any Drugs?

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not recovered enough to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!)
(This post is a continuation of my last four or five posts.)
Why won’t the nurses who are taking care of [...]

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In A Hospital Waiting Room

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not where she’d need to be to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!)
(To catch up if you wanna, please see my last three posts, of which this is a [...]

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NOBODY PANIC!!!!!

(Update: 3:30 p.m. PST, 11/25/09. Cat won’t be going home tonight; we’ll be staying another night here at Club Med. She’s fine; she’s just not where she’d need to be to leave. So tomorrow’s a Thanksgiving we won’t forget!)
Wife Cat due at hospital this morning for operation at 7 o’clock. (Thanks for loving notes yesterday!!) [...]

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Top 10 Things I’ll Worry About While My Wife is Getting Surgery Tomorrow

These are the things I’ll be worrying about when my wife is getting surgery tommorow.

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My Wife Catherine’s Going in For a Major Operation This Tuesday, 7 a.m.

Yo, friends. In the most bloggiest of fashions (yay! remember when blogging meant keeping your friends and loved ones up on what was happening in your life, rather than what it means now, which is Write Completely Excellent Stand-Alone Column Pieces? Me, neither. But still), I am, in the quickest of morning moments, jettisoning All [...]

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My Five Reasons For Not Having Children

When young my wife and I decided not to have children. Here’s why.

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God Help Me. I’m My Father.

Tonight my wife Catherine and I went to Pottery Barn to buy two white panel curtains that I’ll later hang in her office using my drill, a screw driver, a pencil, a level, and a step-ladder. When we arrived home at around 8 p.m. I made myself a martini, which I sipped at the dining [...]

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